


God Damn That's Love

by InterzoneAgent



Series: Residents: The Vagabond, The Mycologist, and their child [2]
Category: Death Stranding (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Anal Fingering, Angst, Bisexuality, Canon-Typical Violence, Creampie, Drunk Sex, Established Relationship, Exhibitionism, Fluff, Humor, Intrusive Thoughts, M/M, Major Spoilers, Mildly Dubious Consent, Multiple Orgasms, Not Beta Read, Oral Sex, Past Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Rough Sex, Trans Higgs Monaghan, Transphobia (Mentioned), Vaginal Fingering, so many tags im sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:41:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 66,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22091998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InterzoneAgent/pseuds/InterzoneAgent
Summary: The ghost of an encumbered old postman, his adorable infant daughter, and a histrionic zombie suffering from satyromania settle down in one of the last communities not connected to The UCA to the delight of its inhabitants.
Relationships: Higgs Monaghan & Original Male Character(s), Sam Porter Bridges & Deadman, Sam Porter Bridges & Fragile, Sam Porter Bridges/Higgs Monaghan
Series: Residents: The Vagabond, The Mycologist, and their child [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1590088
Comments: 4
Kudos: 88





	1. Unstoppable Force Reunites With an Immovable Object

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a direct sequel to Disorderly Conduct, so for a couple of things you need to read that first.  
> Actual sexual content begins in the 4th chapter and onward.  
> The main bulk of this story is Sam/Higgs but there is a small subplot of Die-Hardman/Cliff. 
> 
> (This note was irresponsibility written after this chapter was actually published.)

Fifth time was the charm.

"Sam Porter Bridges! You're one _tough sonuvabitch_ to find!" Higgs Monaghan feared his throat was about to close up, his voice was hoarse and his throat itched after screaming the same thing five times in a row.

The first time he was greeted to a bewildered elderly couple who asked him if he wanted to come in.  
Higgs ran off.

Second time a little girl opened the door and screamed right back at him because not only was her mommy trying to sleep but Higgs said a _no-no_ word.

Third time Higgs found himself being chased by the breakneck German woman who ran the little community.  
She didn't give him a chance to explain that they had met before.

Fourth time Higgs hurtled through an unlocked door and into a sewing table.

Sam Porter Bridges turned out to in fact be one hard son of a bitch to find. It took Higgs an entire year to track the old bastard down but here he finally was behind door number five. _Lucky number five!_

"Higgs! I was hoping you were the guy screaming my name and smashing into doors Gretchen warned me about!"

" _Gretchen?_ Who the fuck is Gretchen?"

"Sam! Stand back!"

_That’s right! The old German lady who runs this joint! Her name is Gretchen!_

Higgs let out a shrill shriek as Gretchen stabbed her taser into his back.

Sound reminded her of cats in heat and she thrust her taser into the small of his back a second time for good measure, a third for Higgs swearing in front of a child, fourth for ruining one of The Needleworker's sewing tables, and one more because she always found that the fifth time is the charm.

* * *

Higgs almost choked on his pizza.

"Bridges thinks I'm your lover?" He snickered. “My _goody goodness_ , that is _rich._ "

"Are they wrong?" Sam grabbed a slice for himself while they waited for the timefall to clear.

For whatever obtuse reason Higgs would never let Sam into the ruined shelter. Too tired to press Higgs on the issue Sam started to bring a blanket with him whenever Peter Englert ordered him to deliver a pizza. He built a safehouse right in front of where the connected dropped so he wouldn't have to worry about Lou.

She would nod her head no and shake her finger at him each time he plugged her into the wall. It made Sam feel guilty, the kid had a good head on her shoulders even if she didn't understand the full scope of what was going on.

Sam wished he had listened to her.

"Obviously." Higgs yanked the last two pieces of pizza at once out of the box and ate them one on top of the other.  
  
"You send dirty pictures to everybody you meet?"

"Sam, we are missing the ever so crucial _love_ component of _lovers._ "  
  
"Since when?"

"Fallen for my _charms_ , have you?" Higgs managed to stay calm while panic washed over him. "You're not the first."

"And you?"

"Not this _fucking shit_ again." Higgs groaned, he stood up and adjusted his hood before stopping the timefall. "There. Get the fuck out."

"Yes this shit again!" Sam grabbed Higgs and turned him around to face him. "Higgs, I know you. I know that shit that goes on in your head that just won't let me in."

"Why should I?"

"Because I love you too!" Sam shouted.

"Then you're stupider than I thought." Higgs slipped behind him. "Sam, Our fates are carved out in stone."

"Says who?"

"Says _me,_ the Particle of God! That you so _eagerly worship!_ " Higgs snarled. "Sam, if you got some _pretty idea_ in your head that you are going to _convert me on over_ with _flowery words_ and _cock coercion_ -"

 _"Cock coercion?_ " Sam spat out, he pulled his jumpsuit over his bare shoulders. "Higgs do you hear the shit that comes out of your mouth?"

"Y-Yes?"

"Fucking _cock_ _coercion._ " Sam zipped up his jumpsuit.

"It's... It's called alliteration."

 _"Cock coercion!_ Are you fuckin' serious?" Sam laughed, a mean, nasty laugh Higgs had never heard before. The kind of sound Sam Porter Bridges shouldn't be able to make. "You know what? You’re right. _You’re right_ , Higgs. _About everything._ "

"I’m always right, Sam. This isn’t news."

"We are the same. I’ve been wasting my fuckin' time thinkin' you're something you will never fuckin' be. That you're not a fucking psychopath and that all this meant something to you."

"Oh Sammy boy, don’t act like this _meant something_ to ether of us." Higgs hissed while Sam stomped off. "My gut is _never_ wrong!"

"We’ll just both have to wait and fuckin' see."

The next time Higgs left the ruined shelter the safehouse across the river was gone.

Sam never messaged Peter again and that was _just fine._

He’d return the favor.

* * *

"Sam! Gretchen! Are you two alright?" The Needleworker stops cold seeing the body laying on the ground. "That’s-!"

"That’s my husband." Sam lifts Higgs up off the ground.

"Hus... Husband." Higgs is pretty damn sure his brain is leaking out of his nose when he looks over to the old woman and sees a far too familiar face behind her.

"I'm real sorry about all this" Sam apologizes to Gretchen who still has taser at the ready. "He ain't all there."

Gretchen scrunches up her nose. "You’re married to a terrorist?"

"Not officially, no." Sam hoists Higgs up over his shoulder. "And he ain't, he just likes playin' dress up."

"F-Found it on a dead body while out _lookin' for my darlin'_..." Higgs wraps his arms around Sam.

_Why isn't he flinching?_

"We...!" The man behind Gretchen finally speaks up again. "We hold no ill will towards the Homo Demens here! We made a deal with them! Right Gretchen?!"

"Was before you showed your head again, but yes we did."

"Ain’t no... Homo Demens anymore." Higgs groans. He kisses Sam’s ear, the one that he had nearly bitten off what felt like forever ago. " _Just us two homos_!"

Silence.  
 _Come on! That was funny!_

"Like I said he ain't all there." Sam clears his throat and breaks the silence. "Thought for sure he had died out there without me! He's a uh… He does stuff with mushrooms."

"Mushrooms...?" The Needleworker's wide green eyes are fixated on Higgs' face.

"A mycologist. Could come in handy." She pats the man on the shoulder and begins to take her leave. "Just keep him in line."

"I promise he'll behave." Sam waves Gretchen off.

The Needleworker lingers, his eyes never leaving Higgs.

"B-b-b-b... Boss!" Big fat ugly tears trickle down his cheeks.

"Can it simpleton. Your boss is _dead._ "

"Yes sir!" The man sniffled, slamming the door behind him as he ran out.

"Imbecile!"

"Who was that?"  
  
"One thing at a time, Sam~" Higgs pulls away from Sam and stumbles, still dizzy, in front of him. "Lemme get a good look at my _husband._ "

Sam hadn't changed much besides his hair was much longer. It hung a few inches under his collarbones now and his bangs came down over his eyes. Sam still had that _frustratingly sexy_ undershirt but instead of the baggy long-johns somebody had finally introduced Sam Porter Bridges to the concept of blue jeans. His beard was fuller and peppered with white hairs here and there.  
  
He looked _agonizingly appetizing,_ Higgs gives him a thumbs up in approval.

"Did the twins get bigger?" He pokes Sam's chest, arousal creeping up between Higgs legs remembering the time Sam was stupid enough to let him suck them. Higgs would of bit Sam's nipple off if Sam hadn't pulled him off in time.

"Fuck off dude." Sam pulls Higgs into him with a warm chuckle. No flinching, not a single shiver or tremble as their body made contact.

"Sam, how come you-" _Don't tell me he got over it?_

"You fuckin' stink, Higgs." Sam laughs. "When was the last time you took a bath?"

"I honestly cannot remember."

Sam pushes Higgs' hood down and runs his hands through Higgs' shaggy hair. He smiles up at him and Higgs feels his heart race, when was the last time Sam had looked at him like this? Higgs had been so sure he'd never seen Sam so much as smile at him again. He tucks his head against Higgs' shoulder and rocks against him.

"I’m sorry."

"Sorry? You ain't the one who-"

"Fuck. I'm so sorry." Sam is trembling now, Higgs thinks it might be a delayed reaction until he realizes that Sam is sobbing softly against him. 

"Apologizes don’t fix _shit_ but I… I'm sorry too." It's a lie. Higgs wasn't sorry for a damn thing but if Sam starts crying he's going to start crying.

Higgs wraps his arms around Sam and hides his face in Sam's hair. Something is bawling like a baby, but Higgs is sure it isn't him.

* * *

  
"Why did Sam kiss you?"

"You are _so_ old."

"Higgs, answer me."

"Catfishin' is what they call what you've been doin' here _Ameile_ , and it's _wrong._ " Higgs got up and emptied the rest of Fragile's rifle into the woman in front of him. He knows it won't do a damn thing but it felt good doing it.

"I understand why you're angry, but I need you to remember your place." She ran a hand through Higgs' hair, he used to like how motherly she was but now that he figured out it was because she _was_ a actual mother? Didn't do much for him.

" _My_ _place!_ My fucking place?! I ain't got a place anymore. Not to you! I reckon I never fucking did!" Higgs spat in her face. "As for Sam! Not my fault if this family can't keep their _dirty hands_ off of me!"

This was the last conversation the two of them ever had and it ended in Bridget sending him crashing into the roof of the ruined shelter.

Living off of cryptobiotes and energy drinks wasn’t so bad. Sure, Higgs had never felt worse in his entire life but he wasn’t going to whine about it like Fragile and Sam.

_Had Fragile or Sam ever actually whined about it?_

_Where was Sam now?_

The word around Lake Knot was that Sam had gone missing. Higgs wasted a week or so making a trip over to the Mountain Knot Distribution Center only to find both his terrorist camps empty. The Homo Demens had come together across the country and suicide bombed some city in the west coast in honor of his death after going on a murder spree.

Don’t get him wrong, Higgs was honored to high hell.

Proud of his boys as he could ever be.

However...

Higgs was now unable to deny he was utterly and totally alone. He balled up the maps he had gone to the camps for and shoved them into his old backpack and starting the long lonely trek back. There he was trapped wandering around looking for a terminally exhausted mailman until the apocalypse.

If the mailman didn’t hate him he must of thought Higgs was a mindless sheep.

That is, If Sam was still alive.

Higgs collapsed on top of the rickety cot and looked up at the blinking terminal next to him. Was it UCA? They must have been monitoring all of Sam’s contacts in hopes of finding him. The owner of this address did have _intimate_ knowledge of Sam Porter Bridges.

Somebody had sent Higgs two messages since he went on his little trip and came back.  
  
"Fuck me. Fuck me up the ass!" Higgs sat up on his cot staring at his inbox. "I should of just fuckin' stayed home!"

* * *

"That was Peter Englert." Higgs announces, he steps dramatically into Sam's bedroom and poses nude in the door frame. He pouts when in response Sam drapes a fluffy white blanket over Higgs' head and wraps it around him.

"Aren’t you Peter Englert?"

"The _real_ Peter Englert." Higgs plops down on Sam’s bed.

"There’s a real one?" Sam sits down next to Higgs and runs his finger over Higgs' flat exposed stomach.

"That cry baby from before." Higgs swats Sam's hand. "One of my favorite Homo Demens, or so I thought."

"So you thought?"

"Sam, I'm sure you're well aware what my boys pulled to _honor_ my _untimely death._ " Sam nods, looking grim. "Yet, Peter is still alive."

"So he decided to turn it around."

"No, Sam, little Peter chickened out." Higgs sighs and sits up.

The grim expression hasn’t left Sam’s face.  
  
"That guy makes stuffed animals for kids." Sam says pulling at his jeans. "Him and his nice old mama sew together clothes for everybody too. All out of the kindness of their hearts. I never thought he’d be-"

"Like me?" Higgs lights up.

"A terrorist." Sam grumbles. "So yeah, like you."

"Sadly not like me. That means he's a ex-terrorist, Sam." Higgs takes Sam's face in his hands and brushes the hair out of Sam's eyes with his thumbs. He turns Sam’s face to his. "Sammy boy, you're the only true believer I've got left."

Sam cracks up.

"Yuck it up asshole." Higgs pushes Sam who is still giggling.

"I- I’m sorry!” Sam laughs. "It’s just!"

"It’s just what, Sam!" _How Powerless and Pathetic I am now?_

"You have _eyebrows._ " Sam smiles and pushes Higgs down to the bed. He kisses over Higgs' eyebrows and Higgs groans in annoyance.

"And you’ve got yourself a new fondness for _manhandling_ me! Bold new times we find ourselves livin' in!" Higgs coils the blanket around Sam and pulls Sam into his chest. "No more _aphenphosmphobia?_ "  
  
Sam muffles out a long explanation that Higgs didn’t want to hear anyway.  
This was _lame_.  
It was _boring_.  
He loved making Sam tremble and recoil with only little touches.  
Now Higgs was going to have to put in actual effort to get those kind of reactions out of Sam.

_On the other hand, I can hug him anytime I want now..._

"Keep your eyebrows." Sam comes up for air. "I like ‘em. I never got to tell you how much I like your face."

"Somebody has to."

"Reminds me of a bird."

"Sam! A- A _bird?!_ " Higgs stands up on the bed.

"Dude! Birds are awesome!"

"I’ll pretend you’ve decided to muse on how your graceful, extravagant _husband_ reminds you of the _mighty Quetzalcóatl._ "

"Gesundheit."  
  
"Fuck off!" Higgs hates that it makes him laugh. He hops back down to the bed and shouts as Sam suddenly kisses him on the cheek.

"Get some sleep, Higgs." Sam got up and pushed the clean sheets back. "We’ll talk more in the morning."

"I’d rather not."

Sam traced his fingers under his eyes. "You look like a raccoon."

"I’d rather not talk." Higgs knew this chummy atmosphere wouldn’t last. He didn’t know for sure what went on between Sam and his mother but karma would catch up with Higgs. He didn’t deserve any of this. The thought was bearing down harder and hard on him that he was just as much of a coward as Peter was when he didn’t pull the trigger on the beach. All over Sam’s little kiss on his forehead.

_Did Fragile ask Sam about it?_

_Why did Sam leave Bridges?_ Had he betrayed them? Higgs wasn’t going to try and convince himself that Sam had ran away because of him. His ego was far too shattered for that.

"Want me to tuck you in?"

"Miss Playing house with your BB, Sam?"

"Lou is just fine. I gotta go pick her up."

 _Lou._  
Sam's beloved Bridge Baby.

_It was because of Lou._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating will go up in time and accompanying tags will be added once it does.  
> Title is from the song of the same name: God Damn That's Love by Apocalypse Hoboken  
> I will also being going back to the first installment and fixing it up just a bit.
> 
> Next time: Arguments, more flashbacks, and even more exclamation marks.  
> 


	2. Overdue Housewarming Party

Now that Sam had made contact with 'Peter Englert' Higgs couldn’t risk sticking around.

Higgs dragged himself and his aching back out of the squeaky cot. How long was he out for? It would be any day now that the UCA would show up at his door and he wouldn’t be there when they did. Higgs opened up the terminal and went to work deleting all of the data he could. He fished under old moldy pizza boxes until he found every last one of those red USB drives Maria and him had made.

Rest her soul.

One after the other Higgs piled virus after virus into the terminal. The lights flickered, industrial music started and stopped on and off, the cheery voice that greeted Sam when he delivered Higgs pizza croaked out gibberish before dying with the shelter. It was overkill. Exactly what Higgs wanted. If he did something he would do it right. Standing there in the dark Higgs felt proud for the first time in months.

He grabbed his old childhood backpack off the table and unlocked the door. Higgs wouldn’t be locking it. Once UCA showed up he wanted them to know exactly who had been right next door. That’s why he needed overkill. UCA would get to find out that Sam Porter Bridges had been fucking the leader of the Homo Demens but there wasn’t a chance in hell he’d let them find Sam himself.

The idea made Higgs giddy, Sam would be dead to them without a doubt. Once him and Sam were together again he would never have to worry about them interfering. The UCA would make up some grand story to cover up this juicy little scandal that killed Sam off in the history books for good and left _The Vagabond_ for Higgs and Higgs alone. Not that they would be able to recover those new messages to learn Sam's corny new title.

Higgs cackled and shut the door. He would get to screw everyone over one last time.

* * *

_Wildpferdeherde_ was what she called it.

Two months spent glancing over his shoulder with Lou clutched tight against his chest. Taking shelter under ruined rusty timefall shelters and inside pitch black private rooms with defunct elevators they had to climb a rope up and down.

Three hard months sitting naked under the moonlight washing their clothes and leaving them to dry in the sunlight. Curled up together in caves, scared half to death he would crush Lou by accident just trying to keep her warm.

“Five months.” Sam told her. “Somehow, it’s only been five months.”

“Fifth times the charm! Don’t buy into any of that third time nonsense.”

Gretchen was her name. He didn’t need to tell her his name was Sam because she already knew.

They all did.

“Who is this!” Gretchen cooed at Lou. She peaked her tiny head out from the Santa hat Sam kept her in. Adorable and all, but Sam wished he had found something proper for her to wear.

“Louise!” Sam smiled. “Lou for short.”

“Hello Lou!” Gretchen waved and looked delighted when Lou waved back. “How would you and your papa like something to eat?”

“You got a place we can stay I’ll port for you guys in exchange.”

“No need for that.”

“I want to.”

There was something sad in Gretchen’s eyes that reminded Sam of Cliff whenever she looked at Lou, something Sam couldn’t help her with.

But he wanted to.

* * *

“Shit!” Higgs turned on his heel and ran back into the ruined shelter. “Where are you?!”

The door shut behind him and Higgs could barely see. Before he could even think about opening it the door opened by itself.

Higgs couldn’t teleport anymore but he could hover. He had thought it was _fucking useless_ up until this very moment. Higgs floated up into the darkest corner of the ruined shelter just in time.

Whoever walked in kicked a pile of pizza boxes in front of the door to keep it open so the light would shine in, the sunlight sparkling right over Higgs’ target. The…

_The cosmonaut!_

Higgs isn’t stupid, he knows that’s just a VOG mask but the similarities are striking. The boxy figure carefully waddling under him is a dead ringer thanks to the mask and that bland white porter uniform. Whoever this imposture is he’s a decade too late! _Go away!_ Higgs bounces from wall and he is about to topple over when finally, _fucking finally_ , the imposture rips something off the wall and stomps out.

Frozen in place, Higgs waits a moment until he’s sure he’s alone again.

“You bastard.” he spits on the little plastic astronaut before stuffing him into his backpack.

The fucker snatched up his favorite dirty pictures of Sam!

* * *

**To:** Peter Englert  
 **From:** The Vagabond  
 **Subject:** hey

> r u there?

Two days without a reply turned into two weeks. Sam didn’t want to believe Higgs had killed himself.

If he’s stuck on the beach, can he ever read mail?

Lou was shaking her head ‘no’ as Sam opened his inbox again.

“One more time. Then I delete his address.”

“Nahhuoo”  
  
“I promise!” Sam scooped Lou up into his arms and gentle placed her into her crib.

Lou stuck her tongue out at him.  
  
 _“See the sunset~”_

 **To:** Peter Englert  
 **From:** The Vagabond  
 **Subject:** pizza?

> i like pizza w/ mushrooms

He could hear his own heartbeat in his ears as he shut the door to Lou’s room. Why didn’t he listen to her?

Higgs was-

 **To:** The Vagabond  
 **From:** Peter Englert  
 **Subject:** Re: pizza? (1 Attachment)

> [Click Here to View Attached Image]

**To:** The Vagabond  
 **From:** Peter Englert  
 **Subject:** Re: hey

> Nice title you got there you insufferable tool.

Sam couldn’t tell if he was laughing or crying, Higgs Monaghan was not only alive but he was still a horny menace.

* * *

“You sure this is alright? I can’t promise when I’ll be back.”

“Take your time.” The Needleworker bounced Lou on his knee. She was happily chewing and hugging the new bunny he had sown for her.

“I owe you one.”

“It’s not a big deal, if I get too busy my parents can take over for me.” He handed Sam a garment bag made of recycled paper. “Dad… The Carpenter wanted me to give you this.”

“What do I need a oxygen mask for?”

“Not a real one! So be careful! It’ll hide your face.”

“You guys are great.”

“Good luck Sam! From everybody!”

“Lou! I’ll be back soon!” Sam hopped on his bike and tied his hair up before putting the mask on.

* * *

All Higgs can smell is fabric softener and _Sam_ , with the heavy scent of damp cardboard mixed with his own dirty fatigues mysteriously absent. Speaking of mysteries since when was this piece of shit cot feathery soft and cozy?

“ _Higgs._ ” Hot breath and _even hotter voice_ up against his ear.

“Sam.”

“You alright?” Sam kissed the nook of Higgs’ neck. He wraps his big arms around him and pulls him closer to rest his chin on Higgs’ shoulder.

“Forgot where I was.”

“Home. Go back to sleep.” Against his neck Higgs can feel Sam’s smile.

_I ain’t ever had a home before._

* * *

“Deadman!” Sam ran over to his friend and hugged Deadman, he eagerly returned the favor.

“Sam! You look good!”

“You look… Out of your element.” Sam didn’t know they made porter uniforms that big.

“I know, I know.” Deadman took off his Bridges cap and wiped his forehead. “The workout was more than worth the stares!”

“Come in, man!” Sam walks back over to the open kitchen. “You gotta check this place out! It’s great.”

“I am… Not sure if I should.” Deadman fiddles with the envelope in his hands. “Where is _he?_ ”

“In bed.”

“Ahhh! I see!” Deadman places the envelope on the counter. "This kind of old world decor must be very nostalgic for you, Sam.” He wags his finger around in excitement as he speaks.

“Breadmwan!”

“Sam! Is that-?”

“The one and only.” Sam hums finishing up the dishes.

“Lou!” Deadman runs faster than Sam ever thought the man could move. “Sam! This is incredible!”

“Breadmwan! Breadmwan!” Lou chants, happily still playing with her dollhouse on the squishy play mat.

“ _Dead_ man, Lou! _Dead!_ Which is by all odds what you should be right now!”

“...”

“S-Sorry! I am still working on...”

“I understand.” Sam places the last dish on the drying rack. “She got big fast, huh?”

“Making up for lost time.” He says cheerfully.

“Bedmyan!” Lou bops Deadman on the nose with a soft toy of a brown English Sheepdog.

“Close enough!” Deadman looks over to Sam and back to Lou and her toy. “Lou! Don’t you think that doggy looks like Sam?”

“It _is_ me.”

“Oh! Well… That does explains his blue tube top.”

“Kwwep on Kweepn onn!” Lou wiggled her toy.

“Amazing, Lou! What else does Sam say?”  
  
“Lou! No swearing.” Sam scolds.

“Hyggs!” Deadman freezes. “Whaaree wis Hyggs!”  
  
“That’s definitely a swear.”

“Sam...” Deadman gulps. “How long exactly do you think _he_ is going to stay asleep?”  
  
“We’ll know when he’s awake.” Sam chuckles. “Trust me.”

“And I’ll know when to run! Sam! I am going to cut to the chase here! Why is that maniac not dead?!”

“I would like to know as well.” Fragile stood in the door way with Peter behind her busy at the delivery terminal. Both wore the same white porter uniform as Deadman.

“Fragile…” Sam’s guilt froze him place. “You didn’t have to come.”

“Yes I did.” Fragile sighed, walking over to hug Sam. “I have been worried sick about you.”

“All of us are.” Deadman adds getting up to help Peter. Fragile nods in agreement.

“Shouldn’t be.” Sam gave her another hug. “Especially not you, Fragile.”  
  
“Sadly I found myself unable to help it.”

* * *

With a wave Peter walked on to the porch of Sam’s house that doubled as a loading bay. The way this little town mixed old world and modern aesthetics together so naturally was impressive, in Deadman’s opinion.

It appeared that Fragile was not a big fan of it. She had openly mocked the colonial style buildings after Deadman pointed them out. The way Fragile waited until Peter had exited the truck to say anything made Deadman wonder if it was less her own architectural preferences and more her trying to get under that guy’s skin.

Peter had insisted on riding in truck bed the entire trip there. Without a word mind you! He _locked_ himself back there.

“Did they notice I left?” This marked the second time Peter had actually spoken, the first was to ask Deadman to wait there when he went to grab something. Peter came back holding a mint colored bag made of recycled paper close to his chest. The fat magpie printed in red ink on the front of the bag an all too familiar sight for Deadman.

“Are…! Are you The Seamstress?!” _There is no_ _way! The Seamstress can not be a terrorist!  
  
_ “No?” _Phew!_

_Nobody who made a doll of Sam as a shaggy dog could be a bad person!_

“Ah… My bad! Nobody noticed a thing.” Deadman goes to open the delivery terminal and stops when Peter shakes his head no at him and pointed to his wrist. _Hand delivered to the receipt in person._ That kind of sentimentally Deadman still couldn’t understand, preferring his orders dropped off with as little human contact as possible. After meeting Sam and Lou he found that even if he still didn’t exactly understand it he could definitely appreciate it.

“I mean… Like I said, it only took a minute.”

“Two minutes 34 seconds.”

“...Huh?”  
  
“S-Sorry!” Deadman flailed his arms a bit. “Don’t worry about it! Before we head back inside could I ask you something?”

“She lives here.” _How did he know?!_ “The Seamstress is my mother.”  
  
“You’re The Needleworker?” Deadman wanted to sit down, he would of never imagined the reason The Needleworker went missing for all those years was to join The Homo Demens.

“Yeah…” Peter looks embarrassed. “I remember that little space guy I made you... With the skeleton face. Higgs likes that guy too.”

No! No! No!  
  
“I see!” _Higgs is not allowed to like Ludens!_ “Let us head back inside, yeah?”

Peter puts his ear to the door. “Um… I don’t think we should.”

“We absolutely should! Fragile needs backup!”

“No she doesn’t.” Peter snorts. “Besides... uh? What kind of backup are y-”

“…”

It was Peter’s turn to say sorry. He steps away from the door and Deadman opens it.

Likely for Lou’s sake, Fragile and Sam weren’t exactly yelling at each other but rather… _How should he put it?_

 _Aggressively_ talking.  
  
“Stop making excuses for that monster! What happened to you?!”

“Don’t got a single excuse and nether does he. I’m tellin’ the truth. He’s fucked, Fragile. He’s beyond fucked.”

“I am _sure_ you have been keeping Higgs _nice and fucked!_ ”

“Jesus! Not like that! Fragile, I-”

Deadman and Peter scurried over to Lou without a word. Peter put the bag down in front of her and she claps her little hands together.  
  
“Do you want to go to your room?” Peter asks pulling out the new toy he made for her.  
  
Lou nods no.

“You’re braver than me...” He hands her a soft toy of a Jackal wearing army boots. It’s black as tar with the exception of gold embroidered around it’s light blue eyes. “He’s done!”

Lou gleefully takes the toy from Peter and places it next to the Sam dog in the living room of her dollhouse. There is a tiny cat the same shade of red as her little patch of hair between them and Deadman can’t help but smile at it.

“Is that you Lou?” Deadman points to the cat.  
  
Lou happily nods her head yes.

“We used a picture book to decide what animals to make her and Sam.”

“You made the Sam dog?”  
  
“Yeah?”

“I was hoping your mother had...”

“Why...”

“Lou!” Deadman stuck his arm into the paper bag and drags it over to him. “Did your friend bring anymore toys?”

“No! I um-” Peter starts flailing his arms.  
  
“Don’t be so shy! You do amazing work.” Deadman pulls out a large throw pillow of a pizza slice. “How Cool! I love the-”

Turning the pillow around, Deadman freezes seeing that dreadful VOID OUT logo on the back of the pizza. He stuffs it back in the bag and looks over at Peter.

He avoids eye contact and doesn’t say a word.

“...You know I always wanted to meet The Needleworker!” Why did it feel like he had just done something horrible to Peter? Deadman pulls out another pillow, only this one is a mushroom. “This must be for Lou!”  
  
“Yuck!” Lou stuck her tongue out.

“Sam said boss likes mushrooms… So I-I-! No he didn’t say he liked them… He said he grows them?” Peter rambles. “No it was that… Boss does stuff with mushrooms. S-So… Boss is gonna grow mushrooms for us.”  
  
“… Boss?”

“I wanna eat boss’ mushrooms… Until I’m dead...”

“… Peter?”

“I’m gonna eat them raw…!”

“Peter! You said you remember the Ludens plush you made me? I was wondering-”  
  
“In the bag.”

Deadman felt around and pulled the plush doll out.

“I… See...” Why was he black and gold?! Peter had turned him into a terrorist just like him and Higgs! With a huff Deadman stuffed it back in the bag.

“Tell me what colors you want when you place the order.” _I won’t be! I ought to punch you for what you have done!_

“Now this! This must be for Lou!” Deadman forces a smile before pulling out a fat pink and purple cat.

“Whuzzzhat?” Lou blinked. “Hyggs Kitty!”

“… _And the mome raths outgrabe_...”

Lou waddles over to the bag and took her turn yanking something out from inside of it. It was a small doll of Alice, only it wasn’t Alice. It was _Sam in her dress._ She happily slapped it against the Cheshire Cat’s mouth and it hung there lifeless.  
  
“Mwagnit!”

“Go ahead and look at the last one!” Peter hid his face in his hands. “Read the letter too! I don’t care!”  
  
Deadman grabbed the Cheshire Cat and stuffed him back in the bag. “I...”

“Just do it already!!” Peter shook his head back and forth in humiliation.  
  
“Fine! But only because you made me curious! And I am not reading any letter!” Deadman turned away from Lou, scared it would be something inappropriate as he pulls the final plush out of the bag.

 _This must of taken years to make…_ Deadman carefully turned the intricate Anubis doll over in his hands. Taped to his little back was a black letter envelope with hieroglyphs written on the front in sparkly gold ink. “This is beautiful...”

Peter sobbed into his hands.  
  
“Deadman!” Sam shouts from the kitchen. “What the fuck are you doing?”  
  
“Sam! Don’t change topic-” Fragile looks over to Peter sobbing on the ground into a pillow that looks like a slice of pizza. Lou is patting him and giving Deadman dirty looks while Deadman flails his arms around and pleads his innocence to the toddler.

She has to cover her mouth to try and not burst out laughing.

“Boss! I’ll eat them raw! For the rest of my life!!”  
  
“What the hell is he even talking about, Deadman? What did you do to him?”  
  
“Nothing! He is going on again about Higgs’ mushrooms!”  
  
“Yucccckk!”

“You- What’s with the pizza!?” Asshole! What did- What the fuck kind of relationship did you have with Higgs?!”  
  
“What?”

“Fwuck!”  
  
“Boss! I’ll give you mushroom pizza! Please! Everyday!”

“ _MOTHERFUCKER._ ”

“Sam stop!”

“Mwutherfwucker!!”

“This is what I deserve! Boss! Are you watching?!”

It doesn’t work. Fragile doubles over laughing.

* * *

Higgs is awake.

She can tell.

Shortly after the kettle began to whistle Higgs had woken up. Sam knew it too, his eyes had darted quickly to the hallway and back after turning the stove off. He poured Fragile her tea in silence.

It was cold now. She didn’t want it to begin with.

Even if she had every word out of Sam’s mouth sunk her appetite. Deadman was the same spare for taking a sip every time he was nervous. Sweat pooled around the large man’s forehead and he took a big gulp.

“Sam...” Deadman spoke softly, scared once he noticed Higgs’ presence.

“He’ll take a shower first.” Sam poured more water into Deadman’s mug and put in a fresh teabag. “Higgs doesn’t know you guys are here.”

“By now he knows.” Fragile pokes her finger into the cold tea. Withdrawing it after Sam dropped a cryptobiote into the cold liquid next to it.

Her friends usual consideration was still there.  
It gnawed at her heart but the ice was too thick.  
Or so, she badly wanted to believe.

Fragile chomps into the cryptobiote head first.

“No. He doesn’t. Not anymore.” Sam took the mug away and started to wash it. “It took him a year to find me. Showed up looking like a zombie when he did.”

“You are suppose to shoot a zombie in the head.” Fragile ate the rest of the wiggling grub.

“Do I look like the kind of guy who knows what to do with a zombie?” Sam wiggles the jar at Fragile to see if she wants another. She shakes her head no.

“Yes! Yes you do!” Deadman crossed his arms. “When was this?”

“That was two nights ago.” Sam leans over the breakfast nook, eyes on the hallway again. “Higgs isn’t the same anymore.”

“I am tired of talking about him!” Fragile stands up and marches up to Sam. “Higgs is exactly the same. Up here, Sam! He is the same!” She points to her head.

“Fragile, listen to me-”  
  
“We are done listening to you Sam!” Deadman shouts. “Listen to us!”

“We need you Sam! Not him!”

“Nobody needs me.” Sam stands up. “Not like you guys think you do.”

“Of course we need you! What about Heartman? He had a statue made of you put up in front of his lab in your honor!”

“He has a _what?_ Who the fuck-”

“And don’t forget Lockne and Mama!” Chimes in the man who thought of the statue.

“Exactly!” Fragile points to Lou across the room. “Imagine how much that baby would benefit them!”  
  
Sam slaps her.  
  
Deadman gasps, the tears falling over his cheeks.  
A feeling he can’t get used to.  
Something he doesn’t want that make him regret starting to feel in the first place.

The swift motion hurts them both at once and turns Fragile’s heart into a blizzard as she hears Deadman sob into his sleeve.

“Lou doesn’t exist to _benefit_ anybody!”

“You… Stupid bastard!” Fragile stomps. “You stupid fucking bastard! You know what I meant!” She slaps Sam back.

Sam doesn’t even twitch in response.

“Yeah I know exactly what you meant! That’s the fucking problem!” Sam screams. “Not anymore! She doesn’t exist to _benefit_ anybody and- and I don't ether!”

“I think it’s time for Lou to take a nap!” Peter grabs Lou who beats her arms against his chest as he scurries her off to her bedroom.

“Don’t think I forgot about you, Peter!” Fragile shouts. “He was there Sam! That asshole _stripped_ me!”

“Then kill him.”

“Excuse me?”

“Drag him out of Lou’s bedroom and kill him.” Sam points to the rifle on Fragile’s hip. “Put a bullet in Higgs’ head and another in mine.”

“If only the two of you would not _comeback_ right after I did! Maybe I would!”

“Peter won’t.” Sam kicks the counter behind him and the kitchen shakes. “Here’s a great fucking idea! The guy is obviously defunct so why not just toss him into the incinerator and burn him alive! Right Deadman?”

“Sam!” Deadman storms up to him, glasses fogged from crying. “You! How could you! You-! Hijo de puta! Cómeme la polla!”

“Homme des cavernes! Homme des cavernes bête comme ses pieds!”

“Que te folle un pez!”

“Would anybody be _so kind_ as to turn on subtitles?” Higgs shrugs for comedic effect. Peter cowers behind him.

* * *

Peter Englert, the real one, stood in the door frame of the door that connected Sam’s bedroom to Lou’s bedroom staring at Higgs with big green eyes.

“Just the _apostate_ I wanted to see.” Higgs was sitting naked on Sam’s bed going through the pile of clothes that had once been so neatly folded at the foot of it. He tossed anything he didn’t like on the floor, making a mess.

“Boss...”

“Do you think you made enough _shit_ for me to wear?” Higgs tossed a pair of leggings at Peter’s head.

“Sam said you were sleeping so I-”

“ _So you_ wanted in come and cop a nice little feel for old times’ sake?” Higgs laughed.

“No sir.”

After Sam broke it off with him Higgs’ had intended to start taking advantage of Peter. Not that it really would be taking advantage, it would be more like finally giving Peter what he wanted. He had been stuck like glue to Higgs’ side since way back when Higgs was just a porter, and it had been clear to Higgs from day one that Peter was head over heels in love with him.

Higgs called Peter to his old shelter and stripped to only his hood. Reclining back in his chair, he spread himself open to Peter once the door had opened.

‘Do you understand,’ Higgs packed his voice as hot and heavy as he could. ‘Just how _magnificent_ the body before you is?’

‘Y-Y-Yes! Sir!’ It made him laugh right from his belly the way Peter slammed the door behind him and rushed between his legs. His nose eagerly poking against Higgs’ dripping cunt.

‘So you are enlightened?’ He wrapped his fingers through Peter’s curly black hair. ‘ _Speak now_ , boy. I need to know if you are worthy or not to worship me.’

‘Yes, Sir! I know all about this stuff!’ Peter smiled. ‘My sister is the same! I’ve been trying to get him to join but he-’

Higgs punched Peter in the head. ‘Your _brother._ ’

Even after Higgs had denied him Peter still gave him everything. There was other problems though, Higgs knew Peter had just made a mistake, but Peter couldn’t make up for his biggest mistake: not being Sam. He would of loved to just let Peter go to town and tongue fuck him like crazy while looking down at his crying face when Higgs cried Sam’s name over and over instead of his. The idea was arousing, but for whatever twisted reason Higgs’ heart just wouldn’t let him do it to Peter. Maybe he had known for him too long. Or maybe it was because Peter just, wasn’t Sam.

Maria wasn’t his type and he was pretty sure she was only into girls anyway.

Taking pity on him, Higgs would let Peter do his morning routine for him. His hands were big enough that if Higgs closed his eyes he could imagine it was Sam.

“C’mere and help me pick out something nice.”

“It’s all nice!” Peter ran over and happily sat next to Higgs on the bed. He held up black and yellow rugby sweater.

“Do I look like a fuckin’ bumbler bee?”

“Bumble bee, sir.”

“Don’t get cocky, _candy ass_.” Higgs spat, looking over a pair of black skinny jeans. He ran his finger over the inner seam before standing up to put them on.

“Boss you uh…”

“ _I what,_ Peter?”

“Probably should wear underwear with those, sir.”

“No.” Higgs pulled his pants up. Shivering a bit as he zipped them and did the button. Higgs grabbed the black cable knit turtleneck that Peter was so lovingly holding out to him and tugged it on. Seemed too big, or maybe that was just the style.  
  
“My mother made it!” Peter beamed. “Boss! You look good! Your hair looks really g-”

“Don’t act like you’ve seen my hair before day.” Higgs walks to the bathroom to do his eyeliner. He rubs his finger over the faded scars on his forehead. Just winged eyeliner for now, until he felt like the particle of god again.

“Boss about… Why I...”

“Why you are such a _backstabbing pussy?_ Let’s hear it.”

“The city Maria picked...” Peter idly started folding clothes to ease his nerves. “My brother lived there.”

“Where is he now?”

“South Knot, boss.” Peter got up and ran to the bathroom. “I tricked him into getting out of there by coming back home! Back here! Word traveled fast and he came to visit! He was there when the bomb went off! He was the only survivor! Thanks to me he didn’t know to warn anybody! That’s why I had to leave! I had left month before you-! Before we thought you died!”

“I did die.”

Peter sniffles, it was a good reason. Even with his shitty ex-habit that Higgs had to help Peter correct, Peter absolutely loved his brother.

Higgs walked over to Peter and patted his shoulder, he would still have to punish him. “I ain’t your boss anymore.”

“No deal. Ever since the day we’ve met you’ve been my boss. You always will be.” _Really?!_

Higgs rolled his eyes, “Peter, I will _never_ love you. I’ll never fall in love with you.” _How do you like them apples!_

“Huh?” Peter raised an eyebrow at Higgs. “Boss I don’t want you to.”

“Seriously? _Seriously?”_

Peter nodded.

“Listen boss! I got some pressing matters to tell you about!”

* * *

Fragile’s vision goes red seeing Higgs. “You horrible! Rotten! Sniveling-”

“What part about _forget you ever met me_ didn’t you understand?” Higgs walks over to Sam, Peter hesitates until Higgs growls at him “Get over here!”

“Peter! I didn’t mean any of that shit!” Sam tries to hug Peter but he dodges him. “I was trying to-”

“Then why would say something so horrible!” Deadman interrupts Sam. “If you didn’t mean it?”

Higgs groans, “Who the fuck is this guy? _Hey dullards!_ Sam was _tryin’_ to get you to hate him.”  
  
“Why would he do that?”  
  
“So he’d be dead to you, you fuckin’ buffoon! So you’d go _waddlin’_ outta here! And Fragile would be _a_ _good girl_ and forget us both!”

“Forget about you?” Fragile took a deep breath. “You think I could ever forget about you? That I could just forget and forgive everything you have done?”

“You think _I’m dumb_ enough to ask you to _forgive_ me? Sam! Why the fuck are they here?!”  
  
“Why the fuck are you here?! How are you here? Coward! You should still be rotting on that beach!”

“Don’t go callin’ me the coward when you _couldn’t pull the trigger!_ ”

“Nether could you! You owe it to every single person you killed!”

“I don’t _owe_ anybody shit!” _Well, maybe Sam…_

“Fragile!” Deadman stomped his foot to get her attention away from Higgs. “Let’s just leave!”

“I am not leaving without Sam!”

“I uh...” Peter fiddled his fingers. “I actually do have to go.”  
  
“ **THEN GO!** ” Peter jumps up in surprise as the entire room shouts at him. He runs over to paper bag and shoves it into Higgs.

“What is-”

“Bye boss!” Peter was out the door before Higgs could finish.

“Sam, for the record I don’t actually care if Peter dies.” Higgs walks over to throw the bag into the garbage shoot only to be stopped by both Sam and Deadman. He sits up on the breakfast nook instead and starts shifting through the contents.  
  
“You don’t care if anybody dies.” Fragile crosses her arm.

“ _Brr!_ ” Higgs laughs, he looks at the pizza pillow and licks it. “Have you know I _always_ cared about if Sam died! I had to make sure I was the one who did it! _Still do~_ ”  
  
“Listen you two!” Sam speaks up. “We aren’t going to get anywhere if-”  
  
“Since I met you that man was by your side.”

“That’s the thing! I got just the _faintest_ memory of a women bein’ there by my side too.”  
  
“Will you let me fucking finish!”

“ _Honey bunny!_ Don’t I always?”

Sam pulled the pillow out of Higgs hands and smacks him across the face with it.

“For once in your life just shut the fuck up! Can we all just shut the fuck up about sex!”

“Sam, did you ever stop to think that sex is what got you into this mess?” Deadman sighs and sits back down at the breakfast nook.

“Sex got Sam into this hot tight lil mess!” Higgs’ voice is dripping with gusto as he points to himself. Sam starts smacking him with the pizza pillow again.

“ _Domestic abuse! Domestic abuse!_ ” Higgs snickers. “Fragile! Just take a gander at this _monster_ you are tryin’ and drag back home with you!”  
  
“I’m not in the mood for your stupid jokes.” Fragile taps her fingers against her arm.  
  
“Only joke here is you two walkin’ in here thinkin’ you can steal my _husband!_ ”

“ _Husband_?” Fragile looks up terrified at Sam.

“Sam introduced Higgs as his husband when Higgs got here.” a muffled voice from behind the door answered.

“Peter! Go home!”

“Yes boss!”  
  
“It’s...” Sam’s face is turning pink. “It’s not like I could say he’s my brother or something.”

“ _Hear those church bells ringing?_ We are gonna get hitched!”

“Does anybody want a beer?” Sam asks, fridge already open.

Deadman raises his hand.

“I want you to take this seriously again.”

“Fragile, I am taking this seriously. It’s just that Higgs-”

“That Higgs sucks all the energy out of the room until he is the center of attention. That he is such a _great guy_ , yes? He is _so funny!_ So charming until he fucks up everything you have ever cared about. Everything me and my father cared about. And now! Such a great _fuck_ you have to put a ribbon around him and take him home! Is that what Higgs is, Sam?”

“That Higgs never stops talking.” Sam tosses a beer to Higgs who shakes it before handing it to Deadman. “You and him got a lot in common, you know that?”

“No we fucking don’t!”

“Both of you love to think you can read my fucking mind! Twist everything I say around and act like it’s what I actually think!”

“Ha! You think I care what you think anymore?”

“If you didn’t you wouldn’t still be here.”

“Sam! W-” Higgs stops as Deadman slides an envelope over to him.

“What’s this? A love letter _,_ _big boy?_ ”

“Your creepshots. Sam’s words! Not mine.”

Higgs opens his mouth and closes it. He opens up the envelope and smiles seeing they’ve been tied together with the red string he had used to map everything out on the walls. Higgs begins to carefully sort through his photos of Sam in silence.

Deadman cracks open his beer to take a victory sip, it explodes and splashes him in the face when he does.

* * *

“It’s not about who needs me anymore.” Sam says, nursing his beer. “Me and Lou are done being tools.”

“You’re out of your mind.” Fragile sighs. “Are you listening to yourself? Since when are you so selfish?”

“I want to be selfish, for once in my life I just wanna be selfish. I wanna chase the things I need.”

“And what you need is?”

“Lou and Higgs.”  
  
“When he leaves, I won’t be here.”

“I know. That’s why I love you. Why I love both of you. Why I love _all_ of you. And that’s why… Why I...”

“Why he left.” Higgs grabs Deadman’s beer and took a sip.

“Hey!”

“Payment for staring at my ass!” Higgs laughs and downs the rest.

“I- Sam! I _didn’t._ ”

“Ya’ll rely on Sam like clockwork. Even he ain’t gonna be round forever. Course I’m just _reading his mind_ here. You ain’t gonna admit it so I’m just gonna say it! Every single person in this room, myself included, has been usin’ Sam as a means to an end.”  
  
“Higgs...”

“Didn’t I already tell you? Fragile you’re the smartest in the bunch besides that nerd up in the mountains. _Want me to say it again?_ Sam is tryin’ to get you to hate him so damn hard because already none of you can function without him! All this prick’s life he’s been carrying the whole world on the back. I’m startin’ to wonder if he fell in love with me just because it would make you finally hate him!”

Higgs hopped off the counter and held out a photo of Sam. He rips it in half.

“In order for him to finally get somethin’ for himself, Sam Porter Bridges needs to be _dead as a doornail_ to the whole lot of ya. Otherwise he'll work himself to the bone just to make us all happy.”  
  
Fragile picks both sides of the photograph off the ground. She walks to the trash shoot and rips them apart into smaller and smaller pieces.

“So, who are you?”

“Me?” Sam throws his beer in after. “I’m-”

“ _Sam Monaghan~_ ”

“The Vagabond.”

“And the man here with you?” Deadman gets up and tosses his beer down the garbage shoot as well.  
  
“ _Higgs Bridges~_ ”

“The Mycologist.”  
  
Fragile nods. “It is nice to meet you. The both of you have a wonderful home here. You will find your belongings have been collected in full and delivered to you in excellent condition.”

“Don’t forget to rate our services!” Deadman shoots them a peace sign.

“C.” Higgs shoots a double peace sign back.

“Give me a break! Fragile! Let’s just grab Sam and run! I hate this guy! The way he stresses random words gives me a headache!”

Sam opened up the terminal panel on the fridge. “Won’t let me give you a Legend for Standard Delivery so I gotta settle on S. 30k Likes should max out the star ranking.” Sam grabbed the chubby cryptobiote off the thumbtack it hung on with his other trinkets he had collected reconnecting America on the kitchen noteboard. He hands it to Fragile.

“Cleared already?”

“Thanks again.”

“One more thing, Mr. Sam Monaghan.”

Higgs claps.

“That man living with you was once the leader of the now defunct terrorist group, the Homo Demens.”

“Do you have to report this?”

“That empty shell of a man? No. He is not a threat to anybody.”

“Got it.

“See you later, Alligator.” Fragile pulls out her umbrella.

“Keep on keepin’ on.”

Fragile smiles at Sam, and then she’s gone.

“Peter!” Higgs screamed. “You’re still there ain’t ya?”

“Yes sir!”

“Take fatboy home!”

“Wait, I got something to give you first.” Sam jogged over to his bedroom.

Higgs looks Deadman over.

“Wha- What?”

“Now, it’s just _a hunch._ But they had you lookin’ over Sam’s mailbox, didn’t they?” He grins.

“No comment!”

* * *

Fragile laid the beat up blue jumpsuit out over the president’s desk. Deadman follows behind her and places Sam’s Cuff Links next to it.

“Where did you find this?” John asked.

"The crater behind the incinerator.” Fragile said solemnly.  
  
“ **Deadman**. What do you think happened?”

“Honestly? I’m stumped.”

“They say there is a first time for everything.” Fragile patted Deadman’s shoulder.

“ **Sam Porter Bridges** _,_ wherever he may be. Alive or dead. Will live on forever in **_our hearts_** and **_minds._** ” John holds Sam’s Cuff Links up to his heart. “Good work, the both of you.”  
  
Fragile and Deadman nod. They leave the room without a word.

“Cliff… Are the three of you finally together again?”

* * *

Higgs yawns and stretches, getting up off the counter. “Ya know that isn’t gonna be the end of it. I know Fragile better than anybody.”

“Do you now?” Sam laughs, he’s fiddling with something on the terminal. “Deadman isn’t going to give up ether.”

“He said he got something for you too! I wanna see what it was!”  
  
“Might be listed in the recovered items.

“Is that what you’re lookin’ at?” Higgs peeks over Sam’s shoulder and suddenly _squawks_.  
  
“What the hell was that sound?!”

“SAM! _You bastard!_ You _wonderful bastard!_ Sam!!” Higgs snakes his arms under Sam’s armpits and squeezed him tight. “ _I hate you!_ ”

 _Sam_ _had registered their household under the name_ _Monaghan!_

“Let me confirm it!” Sam laughed. He laces the fingers of his left hand around one of Higgs’ hands tight at his waist.  
  
“ _Sam~ Lemme guess your excuse~!_ ” Higgs purred, kissing the top of Sam’s head. “Is it~ Because they ain’t lookin’ for _me,_ they’re lookin’ for _you?_ ”  
  
“It’s because we’re gettin’ married, or are you calling it off?”

“Not in a million years!” Higgs happily stared at the terminal screen.

**Monaghan Residence**

**Residents** : _The Vagabond_ , _The Mycologist_ , and their child

“You know, I didn’t get it at first but it makes sense putting the main terminal here.” Sam hovers his finger around enter for a few seconds to tease Higgs before finalizing it.

Higgs is too busy lapping at the chunk he had taken out of Sam’s ear to even notice. His growling stomach tempting him to sink his teeth and finish Sam’s poor ear off for good. “Sam~ Your _husband_ is hungry!” He hovers his teeth over Sam’s ear and Sam twitches. _Wonderful._

“What sorta _native-duck_ you in the mood for?”

“It’s _naivedya._ ” Snarks Higgs “Bumbler Bee” Monaghan. “Give me a extra large pizza, Sammy boy! _All-the-way!_ In fact make it _two!_ ”  
  
Sam grabs Higgs and slams him down on the kitchen counter. He bites Higgs lip, making Higgs part his lips so he could thrust his tongue into his mouth.

“Mmph! _”_ Higgs kicks his legs up, panting as Sam pulled their mouths apart. “Sam-”

“ _Higgs._ ” Sam runs his tongue over Higgs mouth and down his chin. Kissing his neck.

“Sam I-”

“ _Higgs. Higgs. Higgs._ ” He bites his neck.

“Sam! Real pizza! I’m _actually_ hungry!” Higgs pushes Sam away from him. “Hold your worship, I might actually _faint_. I’m talkin’ famished.”  
  
“Right… Right. Sorry.” Sam rubs the back of his head and starts plugging in their order. “Two large pizzas, All-the-way. Right. Right...”

“Sam.” Higgs giggles. “Stop saying _right_.”

“Ri- Yeah.”

“Sam, you _gotta_ understand. All I’ve gotten to eat for the past year is _fuckin’ cryptobiotes._ ”

“No I get it.” Sam straighten himself up. “I spent forever lookin’ for a place to stay eating mushrooms.”

“ _Mushrooms?_ ” Higgs started to smile. “What kind?”

“Those… Drippy ones. The ones you showed me you can eat.”

“Inky caps?!”

“Yeah that’s it. For some reason Lou refused to eat any of them, she was on the same cryptobiote diet as you.”

Higgs didn’t say anything, just _smiled._

“Wh-What?”

Higgs was grinning ear to ear now.

“They ain’t- They weren’t red with white polka dots”

“Mine ain’t _red with white polka dots_ like yours.”

“Higgs, c’mon.”

“Mine are inky caps.”

“I didn’t. I wasn’t. Noway!”

“Yes way! _Yes way! Yes way!_ ”

“Don’t look so fucking happy about it!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rating already went up! My bad!
> 
> If any of the Spanish and French is awkward/incorrect is is because I am a alcoholic primate who barely speaks my own native language.  
> Feel free to point out any corrections needed as I'm not fluent in ether Spanish or French.
> 
> Next time: Townsfolk, macaroni and cheese, and less Peter.


	3. Trouble in Terrorist Town

“I’m back.”

During the time Sam was gone Higgs had went ahead and decorated the living room and open kitchen with the plush toys Peter gave him earlier. Sam wonders if Higgs wanted to leave his mark, to show that this is his house now too. Might of just been Higgs simply got bored and impatient waiting for Sam to come back. Knowing Higgs, the answer was somewhere in the middle.

Sam doesn’t mind it.

Higgs put the pizza and mushroom cushions in Sam’s armchair by the bookshelf, the black and gold Luden relaxing across from them on Lou’s beanbag chair. It was the only one out of the lot Sam knew Lou would want to play with. Sam appreciates the thought. Hell, he’s amazed Higgs considered her at all.

Chester Cat… Is that the name of this guy?  
Sam doesn’t have a clue.  
The pink and purple cat is perched up on the refrigerator and Anubis, Sam knew for a fact that was his name, sat on the breakfast nook.

“Record time, Sammy boy!” Higgs uncrossed his legs and sits up. “I’m _impressed._ ”

Higgs was reading the letter that had been taped to Anubis with the Alice doll sitting on his lap to keep him company while Sam was out getting his food.  
Sam wasn’t going to ask why Alice had brown hair and a beard.

“Couldn’t have you fainting on me.” Sam put the pizza boxes down one on top of the other on the coffee table and sits next to Higgs on the couch. “What’s it say?”

“Don’t need you giving _poor little Peter_ another shiner.” Higgs carefully slides the letter back into its black envelope. “Do I, Sam?”

“He told you?”

“I asked.”

“Shit.” Sam grumbles.

Higgs grins at him, not saying a word. He happily opens the topmost pizza box and grabs a slice. Eyes lighting up after he takes a bite

“Goddamn! Sam! _Where_ did you get this?” Higgs gobbles the rest down. Yanking two more slices out of the box with both hands and tearing into them.

“Don’t choke.” Sam blinks. “It’s not going anywhere.”

“ _I’m fucking hungry!_ ”

“I can tell!” Sam starts laughing. Lou at only a little over a year old had better table manners than Higgs. Even if he counted the time she spent as a BB Lou would be barely two years old, which isn’t any better. Not at all. Especially when Higgs is… Higgs was… He didn’t know.

Sam sits up and looks Higgs over. He looked young. Acted young too. Higgs acted like a teenager when he wasn’t prancing around pretending to be Ramesses the Great or whoever the fuck. Sam figured it was because Higgs hadn’t gotten the chance to actually be a teenager.  
Something like that.

What little wrinkles Higgs had told Sam Higgs spent all his life hiding away from the sun. His skin was like milk. Guy probably burnt right up in the sun. These days, Higgs was even more pale and gaunt. With only a little muscle left on his arms and legs.

Sam knew it wasn’t his fault.  
That he was a worse person for caring about Higgs than if he didn’t.  
A better person would of left Higgs for dead.

When it came to being a better person Sam didn’t care anymore.  
He hadn’t cared in a while. Not after realizing that there was no such thing.

Longer hair looked good on Higgs. Soon he might even be able to put it up in a ponytail. Sam wouldn’t say anything because he’s sure if he does Higgs would buzz his hair off just to spite him. The asshole’s beard still looked better than Sam’s did. Maybe he’ll mention it…

It had surprised Sam how handsome Higgs was. Fragile had mentioned in her story Higgs saying he didn’t like his face and Higgs said the same in his journal entries. He went through great lengths to hide it away from everyone, most of the time he wore a black mask that went all the way down his neck.

Sam figured Higgs was disfigured in some way, not that he would care if it was.  
He likes his face, It’s downright pleasant.  
Expressive.

Sam had been furious with himself when he kept getting distracted by Higgs’ face. When he wanted to know if the scars on his body still were traced over like the ones on Higgs’ forehead.

His black hair and now existent black eyebrows made his scars even harder to notice on his face without whatever he used to highlight them. Maybe eyeliner?  
Eyeliner… Huh. He stares at Higgs’ eyes.  
Sam liked the way Higgs had his eyeliner on right now more than that Cleopatra shit. Higgs looked…

What was… What was he doing again?  
Trying to figure out how old Higgs is?  
He couldn’t be younger than 29 or older than 40.  
Why didn’t he just…

“Hey Higgs?”

“Mm?”

“How old are you?”

“31 I think.”

Yeah. He should of just asked. Didn’t matter. End of the day Higgs was way too old to eat like that.

It’s cute.

* * *

That bastard Sam took the last slice of pizza before Higgs could.

“It’s from Mountain knot.”

“No it ain’t.” Higgs put the empty box on the ground and opened the second one. “Mountain Knot City pizza is _good_ and all, but it ain’t _this_ _fuckin’ good._ ”

“Thank our neighbors.” Sam took a sip of his water. _Finally sick of energy drinks?_ “After I started porting of them food has been better all around.”

“Sounds like I can thank _you_ , Sam.”

“I just lug it all over. I don’t know the first thing about raising cattle or growing herbs.”

“’erbs?”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full.”

“’ll ‘alk wit’ m’ ‘outh ‘ull an’ ‘ime ah ‘ant.” on _‘ant_ Higgs starts coughing. Sam pats his back as Higgs grabbed a napkin. He spits up into it.

“One of the older guys over here specializes in growing herbs.”

“John?” Higgs asks, leaning down and putting the used napkin inside the empty pizza box.

“Don’t ask me. Everybody goes by their title around here besides Gretchen.”

“Never got so much as curious?”

“Nah. Names don’t matter to me.”

“ _Well there_ , Sam. They should.” Higgs grabs Sam’s water and finishes it off. “The man’s name is John.”

“How do you know?”

“ _I know_ _everything._ ”  
  
“No. Tell me. Gretchen said she met you before but you didn’t remember her name.” _I did eventually!_

Higgs grabbed Peter’s letter and tapped it against his head.

“Insufferably _dull read_ besides finding out him and Peter’s daddy can’t stand my guts.” He places the letter back down on the table. “Nothin’ that would make you hit Peter again.”

“I-” Sam looks down so his bangs cover more of his face. “I’m sorry. That was stupid of me. Like. Really fucking stupid.”

“Sam! No need to apologize!” Higgs snickers. “That kind of _meathead bullshit_ turns me on.”

“Meathead…?” Sam grabs a second piece of pizza out of the box and close it. “Higgs everything turns you on.”  
  
“Says the guy who associates pizza with sex!” Higgs opens the box back up. “Sam, you probably get a hard on just thinking about marinara sauce thanks to _yours truly_.”  
  
“Don’t get sick.” Sam shuts the box and grabs it.

“I _don’t_ get sick!”  
  
“When would I even think about marinara sauce?” Sam gets up put the pizza box away in the fridge. “You got it wrong.”

“Got it wrong? Sam! Need I remind you-”

“Throw the other box out.”  
  
“What? Who cares. Fine where it is.”

“Throw it out!”

Higgs groans. He tosses the Sam doll down on the coffee table next to Peter’s letter and grabs the empty pizza box off the ground. Higgs weakly tosses it down the garbage shoot and sneaks up behind Sam.

“ _Need I remind you!_ Sam!” He grabs Sam’s shoulders. He misses the way Sam used to recoil and tremble under his fingers. “Who pinned me _without warning_ down on his _lovely butcher block countertops_ over me saying I wanted to order pizza?”

Sam reaches up and pulls Higgs wrists over the warm water and washes their hands together.  
 _I would of washed them on my own!  
What are you my mother?!  
Or… Do you just want to hold my hand? _

“Panting my name like a _dog in heat!_ Sam~! Shouldn’t you know by now how _hard_ those are to clean?”  
 _I want to hold your hand too._  
  
“I’m surprised you kn-” Sam lets go of Higgs’ hands. “Dog!”

Sam turns the water off. He runs back to the living room with Higgs floating behind him.  
 _He doesn’t even notice!_

“Yes, Sam.” Higgs leans over him. Watching Sam trace his finger over the rooms of Lou’s doll house. “A horny old dog.”

“There you are!” Sam spots a brown sheepdog on top of a little motorcycle made of soft plastic, tiny red cat in the sidecar. He pulls the dog off the bike and crawls between Higgs legs

“H-Hey!”

“Give me a second.” Sam gets up and hurries to the hallway.

* * *

_Sam & Lou_

_Thank you for everything_

Sam was such _an utter fuck-up_ he even fucked up being selfish.

Higgs spun the dollhouse back around on the wooden turntable it stood on. Without a doubt so Sam’s Bridge Baby could turn it around with ease on her own. He had never actually seen a dollhouse in person before. Back when he was still a kid he wanted one badly. _‘More than anything in the world’_ he told his daddy. Daddy spat out that _‘stupid thing thinks it’s a girl again.’_ and cracked a bottle on his forehead when Higgs said it didn’t have to only be for girls.

He smacked the dollhouse and sent it spinning. Vomiting out little pieces of furniture and a black dog on Higgs while it spun back around.

“…Sorry.” Higgs started putting the furniture back in place.

Everything was handmade with real wood, metal, glass, and fabric. Turning the furniture around and running his fingers over it before putting it Higgs found himself smiling. None of it felt chewed on in the slightest. Meaning somebody was a whole lot smarter than Sam was and didn’t just put _strange objects_ in her mouth like he did.

She had enough things to chew on anyway. Soft plastic teething toys and building blocks were stacked up in a basket behind the small army of stuffed animals.

Higgs felt oddly jealous.

Not of the toys or even of the dollhouse. _Maybe a little of the dollhouse._ More so it was the notion of the toys, of the beautiful handmade dollhouse, the squishy play mat, and the clean well kept house around them. The notion of how loved Sam’s Bridge Baby truly was. Not just by Sam but everybody here. How much they loved the both of them.

What a blessed life she led. Spoiled rotten by her handsome loving father.

She deserves it.  
 _Unlike me, she deserves it.  
Sam does too. _

What Sam _deserves_ is to be selfish. If he wasn’t going to do it on his own Higgs would teach him how to be selfish. Just like how he turned the scars his uncle’s bottles cut across his forehead into something beautiful.

Higgs likes the sound of it. He’d wrap himself around Sam and tell him himself, _I’m going to teach you how to be selfish!_ Not his best line, but he could iron something out between then and now to make it better. Smoother. More sexy. He grabs the last toy that flew into his lap and looks it over.

_Cool boots._

_Is it Anubis?_

…

“Peter! For fuck’s sake!”

* * *

“Year since you arrived and The Carpenter and Seamstress’ have both their boys show back up.” Gretchen said as she and Sam walked to the post office. “You are nothing but good luck.”

“Wish Ian would stay longer.” Sam held out a finger to Lou and she wrapped her little hand around it. “Nice having somebody to port with.”

“He’s a wanderer. Same as yourself, Mr. Vagabond.”

“That name still feels like a bad omen to me.”

“Thought of something better yet?”

“Nope.” Sam shrugged. Lou joins him and shrugs too.

“Now Sam, we all got you something to celebrate.”

“I don’t need anything, you should know that.”

“I do know that.” Gretchen smiled. “That’s why it’s for Lou.”

* * *

Lou stuck her tongue out at Sam.

“I’m real sorry Lou.” Sam leaned over her crib. “You’ve been up this whole time, huh?”

She cuddles her sheepdog instead of looking at Sam.

“It’s my fault. Got caught up in too much and forgot what matters the most.”

“Hyggs?”

“That’s right.” Sam nods. “You and Higgs.”

“Hyggs…?” Lou repeats.

“Higgs is home now.”

“…Hyggs?”

“Sam!” Higgs calls out.

“Huh?” Sam turns around. Higgs was standing behind him.

“Higgs.” He holds the jackal plush up and points to it.

Lou reaches her arms up and coos as Higgs cautiously placed it inside the cradle. She happily snuggles the toys together and closes her eyes.

“Goodnight, kid.” Sam tucks her blanket around her.

“Sweet dreams, pickle.”

“You ain’t callin’ her a pickle.”

“What are you going to do about it?”

“Kick you out.”

“Duly noted.”

“Higgs.” Sam carefully shut the hallway door behind them. “You know how to clean wooden counters?”

“Peter put instructions in his letter.”

“Figures. I saw that shelter you had been held up in.”

“Y-You did?! When?!”

* * *

According to the clock on top of Sam’s bookshelf it is not even five o’clock yet. That didn’t sound right to Higgs. Looking over to the _Kit-Cat Klock_ above the stove gave him the same answer. How is it still _this_ early? _Why does he know it’s called a Kit-Cat Klock?_

Higgs goes back to looking through the bookshelf. Besides a couple of picture books for kids on the bottom shelf and old beat up school books it was mostly novels and the rare nonfiction book in between them. The selection seemed random. Not anything in particular Higgs could see Sam picking out on his own.

“Sam, have you even read _half_ of these?” Higgs flicked the head of a smiling, plastic green frog standing on Sam’s shelf. It started babbling at him.

“We got this thing at the end of the month, if you finish a book you trade it around for a new one.” Sam poked the frog. The same babbling.

“Do you now, Sam?” Higgs pulls out a paperback of _Far Rainbow_ from the shelf. “Reckon on Sundays you sit _sipping tea with the local grannies_ talking about ‘em.”

“Don’t sound that bad.” Sam hugs Higgs from behind. He rests his chin on Higgs’ shoulder and peeks at the pages Higgs is reading.

“Sounds like a living hell to me.” Higgs scratches Sam on the chin. Sam lets out a happy chuckle. So he does it again.

“Have you read that?”

“Know the series.” He rocks against Sam and Sam rocks back. “Have you, Sam?”

“Not yet.” Sam nuzzle against Higgs neck. “Read it to me.”

“Right now, Sam?” Higgs runs his hand through Sam’s hair.

“Not right now.” Sam leans into Higgs hand. “No.”

“Sam. Nothing happened between me and Peter.” Higgs shut the book in his right hand, left hand petting Sam who froze in place after Higgs spoke. “Something almost happened but-”

“You don’t gotta tell me that.”

“ _But_ it didn’t.” Higgs slides the book back on the shelf. “Sam, it’s clear as day you wanted me to.”

“Don’t matter. Not my business.”

“My business is your business.” Higgs gives the frog a finale flick for the road. “Speaking of...”

Sam cracks up and pulls away from Higgs.

“No Higgs.” He sits down in his armchair.

“ _No Higgs_ what?” Higgs looked over to Sam.

“No Higgs I haven’t slept with anybody.” Sam patted his lap.

“ _Pardon_ me!” Higgs lays down on Sam’s lap. “Didn’t ask now, _did I?_ ”

“Yeah. Because I didn’t give you the chance.”

“I got my _rights,_ Sam.” Higgs crosses his legs. “Only fair I get the _name and address_ of anybody who happened to have been _trespassing on my property._ ”  
  
“This man right here, officer.” Sam holds up his right hand and points to it. “Arrest him.”  
  
“Ha! Fucked you up real bad! Didn’t I, Sammy Boy?”

“Not as bad as I fucked you up back on the beach.”

“Nice deflection!” Higgs put his fists up. “Wanna go again? Sam! I’ll take you on anytime!” He punches the air.

“You’ve gotta be the worst person I’ve ever met.”

“Right back at you.” Higgs wraps his arm around Sam’s shoulder. “You _absolute bastard._ ”  
  
“I love you, Higgs.”

Higgs’ heart pounds in his chest like a drum.

“S-S-Sam, I...”

“It’s alright.” Sam presses their foreheads together. “You don’t gotta. I know.”

“Like fuck you know!” Higgs shouts, making Sam sit up in surprise. “I love you too!”

Sam loops his arms under Higgs legs and arms and stands up carrying him.  
  
“Thought you hate me?” Sam is grinning. Higgs really does want to punch him.

“Asshole!” Higgs happily kicks his feet up. “I _loathe_ you! Nobody hates you more than I do, Sam!”

“Smart man would return the favor.” Sam spins them around.

“Good thing you are _dumb as a doorknob!_ ” He laughed. Wrapping his arms around Sam’s shoulders. “ _Sam Porter Monaghan!_ ”

“Takes one to know one.” Another happy twirl. Higgs is starting to feel dizzy but he _doesn’t want Sam to stop._

“Only a simpleton would love you as much as I do.”

“Don’t call my husband a simpleton!” Sam tossed Higgs over to the couch.

Higgs erupts in laughter. He isn’t sure what he’s laughing at. Sam’s joke isn’t even remotely funny but he can’t stop laughing and smiling. He feels so stupid and giddy. It’s a horrible, humiliating feeling, and _he absolutely doesn’t want it to stop. Ever._

“C’mere.” Higgs giggled, he couldn’t stop. He stretched his arms out towards Sam.  
  
“I’m here.” Sam let Higgs drag him on top of Higgs’ chest.

“Counter?”

“Not with the mess we’re going to make.” Sam kissed Higgs. _It took him long enough._

Higgs, forgetting his line, wrapped himself around Sam without a word and kisses him back.

* * *

“Knock! Knock!” Gretchen happily opens Sam’s door. “Anybody home?”

“He home, Greta?” The man next to Gretchen spoke in a thick Irish accent.

“Sam? Ar- _Entschuldigung!_ ” She slams the door shut.

“What was that all about?” The Herbalist took a step back.

“Nothing.” Gretchen put her hand on his shoulder. “We’ll come back later.”

She started walking him off the porch when the door swings back open behind them.

“Gretchen!” Sam’s hair was a mess. “I totally forgot.”

“It’s fine.” Gretchen straightened out Sam’s shirt for him. “Get back to it!”

“Good lord.” The Herbalist rubbed his temples. “Should of knocked proper.”

“Sam! You _heard_ the woman!” _He recognizes that voice._ “Let’s get back to it.”

The spindly man hovering around Sam isn’t what The Herbalist imagined Higgs looked like. He reminded him of an old steel street lamp. Skinny and tall. Dressed in black with a glowing white face.

“H… _Honey,_ could you do something for me?” Sam wasn’t saying his name but that voice was unmistakable.

“Tryin’ to!” Higgs vanished back into Sam’s home.

“Sam it’s fine.” Gretchen laughs. “We’re not going anywhere.”

“It shouldn’t take too long.” Sam walks out of sight. “Higgs! Here.”

“What’s this for?”

“Lou!” From the sound of it, seems like Sam handed Higgs a box of pasta from the Timefall Farm. “I’ll be back in a couple minutes to wake her up.”

“ _Whatever._ ” Higgs sounds annoyed. “Y’know you just said my name in front of them.”

“Uh… I-” Sam freezes in the doorway.

“ _Don’t you?_ ” Higgs laughed and shakes the box. Has to be pasta.

“Know well who that guy is.” The Herbalist shakes his head.

“We all do Sam.” Gretchen smiled a weak little smile. “Glad to see he finally woke up.”

“Sorry again.” Sam waved to Higgs and grabbed his coat. He shuts the door behind him on his way out.

“He always so skinny?” The Herbalist put his hands into the pockets of his jacket and starts walking towards the post office.

“Not that skinny.” Sam’s voice trails off, he’s worried Higgs. “Still skinny. Just not that skinny.”

“Never would of guessed.” Gretchen rubs her cold hands together. “All that armor made him look bulky.”

“This going to be about him?” Sam asks.

“More or less.”

Sam looks over to him.  
Had he said something?  
  
“If he goes I go.” Sam sounds grave.

The Herbalist can feel his eyes on him even under all that hair. Angry. He doesn’t know what to say.

“Nobody is going anywhere.” Her voice gives away how badly she wanted a cigarette.

* * *

How fuckin’ long does it take for water to boil?

Higgs has never cooked _anything_ before. He had other people to do that shit for him. What the fuck is the point of cooking anyway _when you can just order something?_ Somebody who cooked for a living was going to do a better job anyway. _Ain’t that why they did it for a living and you don’t?_

He shuffles his photos of Sam again and glares at the stove. Did he use the wrong pot or something? _Does that effect this shit?_ Higgs grabbed the blue cardbox box and looks over the back. The fat little pot looked like a sauce pan to him just going by the illustrations next to the instructions. Just like how that metal thing full of holes was the strainer the instructions talked about. _Isn’t it?_ What _the fuck_ was it if it wasn’t?

All this information was _absolute shit._ Useless shit cluttering up his head. Why does Higgs _need_ to know what the fuck a strainer is? Or which pot is a sauce pan? He wasn’t going to do this shit _ever_ again. Not when it took _three billion years_ for water to boil.

Higgs licks the top photo of Sam and stuffs them back into the envelope. He gets up and looks over the stove.

_It…_

. _..It wasn’t on._

* * *

Higgs had some odd power of foreshadowing. That was for sure.

“Names don’t matter to me.” Sam said for the second time that day.

“They do to us.” Gretchen scratched at her empty pocket.

The citizens of the tiny town sat together with Sam at the blue picnic table in front of the post office. Pensive and nervous. Last time they had all been together like this Lou opened up her dollhouse. Everybody had drank together until deep into the night while the two older kids had a sleepover inside of the post office with Lou. They all lined up at sunrise to wave Sam and Ian goodbye when they went off on a delivery together.

It was nice. Only knowing the names Ian, Gretchen, Dorothy, and Finn never bugged him once. Sam didn’t even think of it. He just thought it was nice. It made him happy. It made him miss the friends he left behind in the dark. Made him wish they were there.

“Doesn’t change anything.” Sam shakes his head. “I get why you guys didn’t want me to know. I wouldn’t trust me ether.”

Bridges hadn’t once mentioned this place. Didn’t once instruct Sam to go bargain with them to join the network. Gretchen made it clear she hated Bridges and they probably returned the favor. Sam would of connected them without a doubt if they had and it would of left him, Lou, and now Higgs with no place to go.

“We do trust you! We were worried you wouldn’t trust us.” The Illustrator looks ashamed. She looks over to her husband, The Architect.

“Let us be honest.” he says, holding her hand.

The Illustrator nods her head. They both looks over to Sam with sunken faces. Worried they are about to hurt their friend.

“None of us trusted another right away, in your case it was even worse.” He fixes his glasses. “When Gretchen told us about you, well…”

“We had to see it to believe it!” The Illustrator pulls her messenger bag into her lap and shuffles through it. She takes out her husband’s tablet and hands it to him before pulling out a traditional blue sketchpad and flipping through it.

Together, they hold up two drawings of Sam in his Bridges jumpsuit sitting in a greenhouse.

“I remember.” Sam smiles. “That was the first time I let you two weirdos draw my picture.”  
  
“But...” The Illustrator begins. She goes back a page of her sketchpad.

“It is not the first time we have drawn you.” The Architect finishes. He flicks his finger against the screen of his tablet.

Two matching sketches of Sam talking to Gretchen while Lou peaked out from the Santa cap.

Sam frowns and leans forward on the picnic table. He carefully looks both pictures over.

The couple exchange nervous looks.

“ _I want another!_ ” Sam places his finger on an arrow pointing to Lou on The Illustrator’s drawing and reads the note aloud. “Huh. What’s that mean for you two?”

Sam smiles up at them. The Illustrator and The Architect smile back.

* * *

Higgs taps his fingernails against the breakfast nook. He needs new nail polish.

The stove was on now _but still_ the water wasn’t boiling.

 _What was it Sam had said?_ About him and Higgs _making a mess?_ Across from him there was a _pretty big_ mess _and he and Sam hadn’t even gotten to finish._ The couch cushions were _all_ fucked up. Somehow one of them was _on kitchen floor next to him_ and another one was in the hallway. Pleasant little throw pillows were scattered all over the room _like cockroaches_.

Higgs smirks. Sam had called the ruined shelter _a pigsty_ but right now Sam’s cozy home didn’t look so different, _d_ _id it?_

Something starts tugging at Higgs’ chest, something _annoying_. It sends his good mood crashing into the kitchen tiles. He takes a deep breath and walks over to the living room. Higgs grabs Old Alice off of the coffee table and licks his face. He tucks the tiny Sam into his turtleneck and takes another breath.

His face grows hot and red and Higgs starts tidying up the living room.

 _This ain’t his job._  
This isn’t shit Higgs _knows how to do._  
He would do _a fucked_ job.  
Higgs just needed something to do. _  
_

_That is it._

Not for Sam.  
It isn’t for Sam so _it doesn’t matter_ if Higgs fucks it up.  
He just needs _something to do_ while he waits for the water to boil.

_That is all!_

* * *

“Finn spotted you.” The Herbalist strokes his beard.

“Where is Finn?” Sam didn’t see him or his friend.

“Looking after Dorothy.”

“She still has a cold.” The Illustrator and The Architect spoke one after the other.

“Lad had ran off again.” The Herbalist continues. “About to head out to drag his arse back home when boy came running up to me and Greta shouting his head off about how the UCA had found us.”

“He’s a good kid.”

“I know Sam. Here's the thing, UCA found us years ago.”

“The UCA are _afraid_ of us.” Gretchen gives in and lights a cigarette.

“That little French girl from earlier... she told you didn’t she?” The Seamstress’ voice was drained of all her usual joy and empathy. “I remember her. She can dress up like a porter if she wants. But I remember.”

The color drains from Sam’s face.

“Fragile isn’t out to get you guys.” Sam didn’t want to involve her in anymore of this. He had already fucked up hard enough. He should of realized Peter had been part of Higgs’ bullshit. “I’m not ether. She was here to help me. That’s it.”

“I trust you Sam.” She sighs.

“She didn’t say anything about you guys. She won’t. Not while I’m here.”

“Even if she did it won’t change a thing.” Gretchen says sternly. “UCA won’t _fuck_ with us.”

Sam has never heard Gretchen swear before. At least not in English.

“Pet?” The Seamstress turned to The Carpenter. “What was it she loves to call us?”  
  
“ _The Terrorist Town._ ” He answers.

* * *

It was boiling!

_It was boiling!_

Higgs rushed from the hallway over to the open kitchen and tore open the blue cardboard box. He freezes.

 _What if it falls in?_ Higgs tugs Old Alice out of his turtleneck and smashes him on the counter.

 _Do I turn the stove off?_ The box didn’t say! _Obviously_ you turn it off, _right?_

Higgs’ hand hovers over the knob.

 _Just turn it off!_ He turned it and went to pour the… _No idiot!_

He thrusts his hand into the box and pulls out the paper packet for the cheese. _There! Idiot!_ Higgs pours the macaroni into the boiling water.

The water had taken too long to boil and the living area took too little time to clean so Higgs had moved on to Sam’s bedroom. He got distracted folding the clothes he had tossed around Sam’s room. How _long_ had the water been boiling? _Was there still enough water?_

Higgs read over the box. _Stir occasionally_ ? How occasionally is occasionally? Higgs went through the silverware drawers until he found a dull wooden spoon like the drawing on the box. He has to do this shit _for eight minutes?_

After a while the water wasn’t boiling anymore. _Is that okay?_ Had seven minutes seriously already passed? Why was this _stirring shit_ faster than the _boiling shit?_ Probably because of how pathetically nervous Higgs was.

Higgs has killed c _ountless people._ He organized and united _an army_ _of terrorists_ across the entire _empty_ _shell that was this so-called country._ Higgs had _almost successfully ushered in the apocalypse_ and here he was losing his cool making packaged food for a fucking Bridge Baby.

Drain it. He had to drain it now.

The Bridge Baby… What if she sneaks out of her bedroom? What if he accidentally pours boiling water on her because she has been standing at his feet this entire time? He looks down. Nobody there.

 _Why is it so heavy?_ Higgs’ arms are shaking like he’s holding a ten ton hammer. _Please don’t crawl out._

It’s… Not his fault he’s so _fucking nervous!  
_ Higgs didn’t know _jack shit_ about kids or what kids like.  
Let alone feeding them!  
His daddy _wasn’t even his daddy,_ and the closet thing he had to a mommy was…

Higgs froze.

“You bitch.” Higgs’ hands are still shaking as he stands in front of the sink. _What if the hot water splashes him in the face?_ The face that Sam says he _likes._ “If you’re _still kicking_ do me a favor and _kick the bucket!_ ”

 _Was she still kicking?  
_ _Can she even die?_  
He didn’t want to ask Sam about it.

Saying her name would be letting the Vampire into his house.  
Just thinking about her, Higgs was sure it was a bad idea.

Felt like she was standing right behind him.

“You better get the hell out of here.” Higgs says, his voice shaking with his hands as he slowly dripped the contents of the pot into the strainer. “Because…”

Higgs takes a deep breath.

“ _Because_ I am going to _fuck_ your _son_ until he _pukes!”_

Higgs ripped off the band-aid and just _poured_ the _stupid pot into the sink_ because he is a _grown ass fucking adult_ . He smacked the pot back on the stove and grabbed the strainer and spoon. He scooped the soggy looking noodles carefully back into the pot. _This… Probably ain’t how you do this._

“When he gets home…” Higgs tore the cheese pack with his teeth and drizzled it over the noodles until nothing was left. _Probably ain’t how you do this ether._ He grabbed the spoon and started violently stirring the pot until he heard obnoxiously loud _squish_ sounds. “Guess _what_ is going to sound _exactly_ like this! My p-”

Higgs turned around.

There was nobody there.

 _Milk and butter,_ something tells him.  
That’s right.  
He needs to add milk and butter.

* * *

“Sam, I don’t want to keep you here.” Gretchen stomps her cigarette out. “You look up the name of any of us you are going to find connections to terrorist organizations you haven’t even heard of.”

“I! I um...” The Illustrator twiddles her fingers. “I… Used to be a MULE.”  
“Huh?” Sam looked at her.

“Really?!” The Carpenter blurts out.

“Pet, you didn’t know?”

“No! I would of never guessed! She is so...”

“Small?” The Illustrator suggests.

“Sorry!”

“No! No! You wouldn’t believe how much it came in handy!” The Illustrator smiles at him.

The Carpenter nods.

“Anyway!” She continues. “That’s why we didn’t want to tell you our names. We had a meeting about it and decided it would be for the best.”

“It was selfish of us.” Her husband adds. “We did not want you to leave.”

“Now that we know you came around it all seems so silly!”

“Came around?” Sam asks. “What do you mean came around?”

“Higgs!” They say in unison.

Sam isn’t sure how to answer, so he asks a questions.

“This whole name thing, was it Peter’s idea?”

They nod.

“Makes sense. Higgs used his name to send me messages.”

The Carpenter opens his mouth about to say something but Gretchen interrupts him.

“Speaking of Higgs, why don’t you head on home?”

“You guys tag along. Names don’t matter to me but they do to Higgs.”

* * *

Why won’t it look right?

Higgs didn’t let the water boil too long he didn’t boil it long enough. That had to be it. No matter how much he _stirred and stirred_ it just looked so _watery_ and _gross._

_It doesn’t sound anything like this!_

He starts opening up the kitchen shelves until he _finally_ found another blue and orange box. He rips it open and grabs the cheese packet. Higgs tosses the rest into the garbage and pours the extra cheese into the pot.

Now it looked _way too gooey._

Fuck.  
Could he seriously _not even do this for Sam?_  
 _Is he this fucking useless?_

Why should he cook anyway!

“LOOK. RIGHT.”

Higgs stirs the pot until his wrist is sore.  
Literally instead of figuratively, for once in his life.

* * *

“Lou! Higgs! I’m back.” Sam hung up his coat and walked over to the stove. “Looks great. Thanks, Higgs.”

“ _Everything_ _I do_ is great.” Higgs sat at the breakfast nook. He was busy flipping the skirt of his Sam doll up and down.

Sam grabbed the wooden spoon and tasted.

Higgs tenses up.

“Tastes great too.” _IT DOES?!_

“ _Don’t make me repeat myself~_ ” Higgs licked between the doll’s legs and tucks it back into the neck of his turtleneck. It felt good hearing that. Maybe that was why people cooked? Still. That shit was too stressful for him.

“You didn’t have to clean up.” Sam kisses Higgs on the forehead from across the breakfast nook. “That’s sweet.”  
 _This feels good too._

“ _Sweet?_ What’s sweet?” Higgs snickers. “Needed something to do without you around, didn’t I?”

“I’ll go give Lou her dinner.” Sam pats Higgs on the head. Higgs melts under his hand. “Higgs! Everyone is waiting outside.”

“ _Everyone?_ Who is _everyone?_ ”

“Everyone.” Sam headed to Lou’s room. “Don’t keep them waiting.”

Higgs pulled Old Alice out of his turtleneck and threw him into the couch. He grabbed Sam’s coat off the hanger and put the hood up. Higgs collected himself and opened the door. Truth be told Higgs forgot most of these people even if he's met them twice. There was one missing and two he hadn’t seen before. Higgs could remember that much at the moment.

“Sorry about the other night.” Gretchen pats Higgs on the shoulder. “Had no clue another ghost appeared in my town!”

She held her hand out to Higgs.

Gretchen was the only one here Higgs didn’t tower over, being just a few inches shorter than him. Even in her old age she was built like a brick wall and her wrinkled skin was tan from working outside during the day. Her long white hair was kept in a braid that fell down over her sturdy shoulders.

The day this woman died was when she would finally take a day off.  
And only then.

“Mrs. Meyer! Considering what a _fine job_ you have done here taking care of _my lost property,_ ” Higgs shakes her hand. “I will make _an exception_. _Once._ ”

“Lost property? You mean Sam?!” Gretchen laughs a booming laugh and smacks Higgs on the back. He juts forward and his hood falls off. “This guy! Don’t let Sam hear you saying that!”

“The Sam _you think_ _you know_ and the Sam _I know_ are total opposites!” He fixes his hood and walks off the porch.

There had been this _oohing and awing_ from the two people Higgs had never seen before when his hood fell off.

“My _dearest apologies_ , I don’t think we’ve made our acquaintances before.” Higgs bows and holds his hand out. “You _must_ pardon me! My memory isn’t the best these days _in my poor health._ ”

Higgs is sure he hasn’t met this man before, he would of remembered him. He was compactly built and muscled with bushy eyes brows, a handsome face and olive skin. His jet black hair was tied up in a tight ponytail that reminded Higgs of Sam. He was about the same height as Sam as well. Something about the fact that he wore glasses… it was the cherry on top.

He had an air of sharpness.

Something heavy grabbed Higgs arms and bounced it up and down. It snapped the man out of his trance and he grabbed Higgs hand and started to bob it up and down.

“You have to excuse me!” The Japanese accent was a welcomed change. “I am a fan!”

“You don’t say.”

“Both of us are!” Higgs welcomed this New England accent as well. “Not Peter level! But up there!”

“That’s good.” His arms were starting to fall asleep. “Ain’t need another Peter. You are?”

“George Mifune!” George adjusted his glasses. _A nervous tick?_ “The Architect!”

“And this is?” Higgs looked over to see who was bouncing on his arm. Shit. He had been rude.

He had expected a child but there was a full grown woman. Maybe full wasn’t the right word, still a grown woman.

“Penny Mifune!” She grins. “The Illustrator!”

Higgs felt almost cruel dwelling on this, but she was _tiny._ Penny couldn’t be more than five feet tall, maybe five feet and an inch. Two inches tops. Her curly golden hair looked softy and fluffy as it bounces up and down with her. Freckles ran in random patches on her dark brown skin from her face to her chubby arms. Not that she was out of shape, her body had the telltale signs of motherhood. Natural and elegant in it’s own right.

The little wrinkles around her eyes when she smiled made him want to smile too.

“The sun and the moon got married.” Higgs couldn’t think of any other way to put it. “How nice.”

“Ha!” Penny laughs. “I thought the same thing!”

They let go at the same time and it makes Higgs stumbled in place. The woman holds up her bag and fishes out an old paper sketchpad. She hands her husband a more modern digital one and they start frantically scribbling together.

“Are you… Drawing me?”

“Don’t worry about it! Go on!” Penny waves Higgs off. “Go on! It is so wonderful to meet you!”

“Higgs...” George says softly. “Your nose is _magnificent..._ ”

In stunned silence, Higgs walked over to the _hobo_ shooting him dirty looks. That looked more his speed.

“Good ol’ Gimli!” Higgs holds his hand out. “But _where_ is Legolas?”

“What are you on about?” John keeps his arms crossed.

The second shortest and getting up in his 50s. John’s dark green eyes were tried and heavy. His bright red hair and beard were both equally wild and full and brought out the red patches of his pink skin. The muscles of John’s arms were starting to sag along with his stomach. This man showed all the signs of _just now_ giving up and finally letting himself go.

Higgs could guess why.

“That _tall glass of water_ that was by your side the last time I visited! _Where on earth_ could she have ran off to?”

John stares at Higgs in stunned silence.

“Tall blondes, right? _Nothing but trouble!_ ”

“There’s been no trouble.”

“Sure about that? I’m back in town after all! John! That ain’t _troubling_ you?”

“Haven’t said a thing.”

“ _Little birdie told me~_ ”

John groaned and rubbed his temples. Higgs is grinning ear to ear.

“Stay away from my boy. Simple as.”

“One little nightmare is enough for me, _Johnny Boy!_ ”

John grabs Higgs hand and shakes it once. He lets go and crosses his arms again.

“John Moore. The Herbalist.”

“Higgs Monaghan, The Mycologist. Charmed to meet you!”

“Monaghan?”

“ _Overwhelmingly_ Irish around here, ain’t it?” Higgs ran over to The Englerts with open arms. “Not that I could _ever_ forget the Germans!”

“I’m Irish too!” The Seamstress squeezed Higgs. Delighted as he hugged her back. “Marrying a German don’t change that!”

“But _of course!_ ”

“Peter said you died! Where have you been?”

“Hell and back!” Higgs softly pushed her away and tapped her shoulder. “Let me get a good look at you! Always _the adorable_ little magpie!”

It wasn’t exactly a lie. Higgs was sure she was as cute as Peter when she was younger. Maybe even cuter seeing how she was bottom heavy with long legs. Peter took the most after her, with her big lost puppy dog eyes, kind face, and light brown skin. Her white hair that once had been as bright and red as John’s was cut short in a clean pixie cut.

She was John’s aunt after all. His ticket inside the place if Higgs guessed right.

Her husband Klaus was her opposite. Even in old age his face was every bit as stern and daunting as when he was a younger. Not that Klaus had ever _actually_ been younger. Not in a spiritual sense. He had wide shoulders and perfectly straight posture. Face shaved clean with a sharp razor and his gray hair kept slicked back and tidy. To think it was once as black as Peter’s hair is. His leathery skin was the same tan as Gretchen’s. Still playing outside with his big sister in their old age.

Gretchen’s loyal right hand man who followed her everywhere. Even war.  
He couldn’t stand Higgs and quite honestly Higgs didn’t like him ether.

Higgs held his hands out to both of them. Klaus only shook Higgs’ hand once Maggie did.

“Margaret Englert, The Seamstress.”

“Klaus Englert, the Carpenter.”

“Lovely! Lovely!” Higgs clapped his hands together. “Well! Getting late! Don’t you think?”

“… Is that it?” John raised an eyebrow.

Higgs slammed the door behind him.

“That’s it.” Penny closes her sketchbook.

* * *

Higgs locked the door behind him.

“How did it go?” Sam took his coat off of Higgs and hung it back up.

“How do you think?”

“We have to leave by six in the morning tomorrow.”

“Very funny, Sam. I nailed it.”

“And now?”

“ _And now?_ And now I’m going to bed!” Higgs tried to pull his boots off. “For another two days!”

“Lou is asleep.”

“Good for Lou.” Higgs starts swearing at his boots that they've betrayed him when he can't get them off.

“I filled the tub.” Sam helps Higgs get his boots off.  
  
“Good for you!”

“I got wine.”

“… You sprinkle rose peddles over our bed, too?”

“Want me to?”

“Maybe next time _, Dork._ ”

* * *

“Monaghan!” John slammed his beer down. “That bastard Monaghan!”

“Johnny, I’m sure it’s a coincidence.” She rubs her nephew’s back as they drank back at Peter’s place. He was still off helping the big porter get home.

“Should of killed him. Should of killed him!”

“Johnny...”

“Maggie! Imagine the things that man did to make a child end up like that!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Higgs is actually 35, not 31.  
> He seriously doesn't know how old he is. 
> 
> Next Time: Drunk sex, lingerie, and Cliff.  
> (Sadly not all at once.)


	4. Personally I Think He's an Armadillo

“You gotta get in first.”

“Do I?”

“You’re bigger.”

Higgs laughs.

Out of all the rooms in Sam’s house… _No, our house._ Out of all the rooms in their house the bathroom felt the most familiar to Higgs. Sterile, scrubbed clean, and devoid of any kind of personality. The kind of cold decor you found out in the modern world. Far away from the warm lies this little community spent their lives in. It’s funny, Higgs thinks, he had been so sure that he didn’t belong here. _One d_ _ay_ goes by and Higgs already knows there is no better place for him to be. After all, _he’s the biggest liar of the lot._

Should Higgs tell them?  
Was there any point in telling them?  
Sam might of already informed them.  
Considering everyone is _still here,_ Sam knows more than anyone.  
Higgs doesn’t want to ask.  
  
That’s another funny thing.  
Sam made Higgs _afraid_ of the world ending.

_Shit, I really did lose._

There are things Sam doesn’t know, _p_ _robably._ Intimate secrets privy only to the leader of the Homo Demens. The lies that he told his boys that they eagerly swallowed without question. Higgs would never, and will never, tell him but he’s happy Peter is alive. He wishes Maria and her sister were still alive too. Higgs wouldn’t call any of them friends, almost all of his boys were fucked beyond help from chiralium. Just him standing near ‘em would make it worse. It’s better he died. They didn’t deserve it. _Peter_ _didn’t_ _deserve it._ To see their Pharaoh whipped and powerless, lied to and used. Everything he had done, she had been doing to him.

Higgs had let them all down and they still died in his honor.

“Higgs?” Sam ruins Higgs’ train of thought, like always. His voice is _too_ sweet when he’s worried. The tight frown too cute. Sam is naked in the corner of the bathroom putting his clothes into the washing machine. Higgs thinks Sam looks best that way, regardless of his own desires. There is something natural about it. After _finally_ getting Sam completely naked everything he wore just looked awkward to Higgs. The faded hand prints that stained his body up to his neck and cross shaped scar were the only clothes Sam needed.

Not that he didn’t have _plenty_ of ideas of what he could dress Sam up in. For a while Higgs had mused the idea of turning Sam into a paramour _,_ a war trophy when he needed an excuse. Higgs still isn’t sure if his brain is ready to come to terms with his feelings for Sam. Obviously, ‘Ameile’ made it impossible to be anything but a fantasy. Regardless, Higgs still had Peter draw up designs for an outfit for Sam to wear. He had settled on a black sheer negligee with-

“ _Hii_ _i_ _iggs._ ” Two big hands squish Higgs’ cheeks together. “You in there?”

The way Higgs’ face slowly turns red under his hands makes Sam think of a thermometer.

* * *

Higgs likes Sam better as his husband than he would as his paramour.

“Undress me.” Higgs sits down at the edge of the tub. “That’s a _command,_ Sam. Not a request.”

The heat from the hot water rises against his back and it reminds Higgs of that horrible day Sam took his virginity. That place wasn’t too far from here. The timefall shelter still stood there though the heater no longer worked. Higgs wants to let his mind wander over the fact and it’s possible importance, but Sam is distracting him again.

Sam is on his knees below Higgs, _like he should always be._ He lifts Higgs’ turtleneck up with _enthusiasm_ and kisses Higgs’ pale stomach. Sam flicks the button of Higgs’ skinny jeans open with his thumb while he dips his tongue into Higgs’ navel. Higgs runs his hand through Sam’s hair and lifts his chin up to look at him.

“Startin’ to sweat here.” Higgs tugs on his sweater.

“I’m going. I’m going.” Sam stands up. He chuckles when Higgs happily raises his hands to help him. There really must be something wrong with Higgs. All this _lovey-dovey_ and _chummy_ shit had to be rotting his brain worse than the chiralium rotted his boy’s minds, because Higgs liked making Sam laugh just as much as he liked fucking him.

Sam tugs Higgs’ turtleneck off and messes his hair. Without thinking Higgs grins at the contact. Higgs awarded with Sam peppering the wrinkles around his eyes with kisses. It’s _horrible_ and makes his _big horrible shit eating grin_ even worse. Sam plants a big wet kiss on Higgs’ forehead and Higgs lets out some kind of _terrible_ _chirping_ _sound_.

_I can’t help it!_

“Take it back.” Sam gets back on his knees. “You ain’t a bird Higgs. You’re more like a ferret.”

“Overgrown rat, _wonderful._ ” Higgs huffs. “Just _wonderful_.”

“Nuh-uh. Y’know a ferret was my best friend growing up.” Sam nuzzles against Higgs’ stomach. “Had rats too. Guess what?”

“ _What_ , vermin boy?”

“They’re adorable.” Sam unzips Higgs’ jeans and starts pulling them down his hips. “And so are you.”

“Got a weakness for critters _that wipe out thousands_ , I see.” Higgs lifts himself up to help Sam get his pants off. Sam’s face is starting to flush pink and he coyly slips Higgs’ jeans down to his thighs. “Sam. _What_ are you thinking about?”

“Nothing.” Sam tugs Higgs’ jeans off. He tosses them next to Higgs’ turtleneck on the bathroom floor. “You’d get mad.”

“Try me~”

“Stuck between thinking ‘those are some long ass socks’ and...” Sam carefully rolled both of Higgs’ black socks down together.  
 _Do you want a pair?_ No. That wasn’t even a question. Higgs would get Sam in a pair of thigh-highs as soon as possible.

“ _And~?_ ” Higgs licked his lips, Sam is _getting hard._

“And that Higgs with pubes is the best thing ever.”

“ _Thank the stars!_ ” Higgs grabs Sam by the hair and yanks his head between his legs. “Sam! You _have no fucki_ _n_ _’ idea_ how _bad_ that waxin’ shit _hurts!_ ”

Sam, whose dick is standing at full attention now, muffles something that sounds like ether _rub my breasts_ or _I can guess._ Likely the latter. Higgs decides he hears the former and he _absolutely will, Sam._

“I like your pubes, too.” Higgs purrs. “I want to floss my teeth with ‘em. Your armpit hair is also _simply sublime~_ ”

Sam gets up.  
 _He’s soft again… Why?_

“Better hop in before the water gets too cold.” Sam sounds emotionless. He grabs Higgs’ clothes off the ground and walks over to put them in the washing machine.

* * *

The closest thing Higgs has ever taken to a bath before now was when he stood fully clothed in one of those hot springs Sam loved so much for a couple of seconds. He didn’t get much out of it besides it charging his camera battery. Higgs wouldn’t even shower when he could avoid it. He hadn’t seen a functional shower until he was around 13 years old. It was thrilling when he finally got to stop bathing using a bucket at the sink. When he did get to bathe was far and in-between as a kid. Bad habits die hard, want them or not.

Now at… _31? ...32? ...34? Now in his 30s_ he was seeing and getting inside of a functional bathtub for the first time. Sam, on the other hand, loved baths. Higgs knew that well. Not just because his frequents stops at the hot springs but because when Sam had been pummeling Higgs’ face in on the beach he started rambling about wanting to take one.

Hard to forget that.

Why had Sam said all that shit to him anyway?  
About wanting hot baths and food and to hear thank you’s for his hard work?  
Had Sam been fantasizing about Higgs doing that for him?

...While Higgs in return had just been mumbling about a girl who both of them at the time thought was Sam’s sister?

Probably not.

Higgs slowly sits down in the corner of the tub, not sure what he’s so afraid of. It’s nothing like the icy cold ocean of the beach or the floating nothingness of repatriation. The hot water pooling around his bare skin reminds Higgs of sleeping next to Sam in his bed. _Their bed._ Higgs stretches his legs, the tub wasn’t small but definitely not big enough for two people. _Reckon that’s the idea._

“You ever have wine before?” Sam asks, back from the kitchen. The _stupid bastard_ had forgotten the alcohol and left Higgs alone with nothing but his thoughts again. _Stop doing that!_

“Don’t remember.” He really didn’t. Higgs had ordered champagne from the Timefall Farm only to get beer. Same thing happened every time he ordered wine. Sam was holding a bottle in each hand, one green and one white. Looking at labels both had an _ancient_ vintage, if Higgs has drank some before there was _no way_ it would be as good as the stuff Sam had. Must of been an old gift from porting for Bridges. That dork up in mountains liked alcohol didn’t he? Maybe it was from him.

Sam put the white bottle on ground and pulled the cork off of the green one with his teeth. _Very dignified._ He took a drink from the bottle and leans over to kiss Higgs. Swishing the wine into his mouth once Higgs parted his lips. Higgs had figured it would taste like grape juice but it was as bitter as it was sweet. Something familiar about it, maybe he has had it before. He doesn’t dislike it. In fact Higgs might like it more than beer.

“Sam, I love you.” Higgs doesn’t think he will ever get tired of saying it.

“I love you. Higgs.” Without a doubt Higgs will never get tired of hearing it.

Sam, carefully to the point Higgs finds it funny, lowers himself into the tub. He swings another mouthful of wine and kisses Higgs again. Running his tongue over the roof of Higgs’ mouth. The wine dribbles out of the corners of Higgs mouth as he sloppily ties his tongue around his. Sam pulls away and licks it off.

“You’re _disgusting,_ Sam.”

“Shit.” Sam froze in place. “I won’t do it again. Why’d you-”

“Sam, I _like_ it.” Higgs holds his hand out. “Nasty man.”

“I’m the nasty one?” Sam snorts. He hands Higgs the bottle and turns around. Higgs almost chokes on his drink.

Whoever the lucky BT is that got to leave his hand print on Sam’s _stupid perfect_ ass is, Higgs _utterly_ _hates_ him. Higgs thinks he should bite it while he has the chance. Leave a much more startling mark next to it...

Before Higgs can do anything Sam lowers himself into the water. Resting his back against Higgs’ chest. Sam lets out a little happy sigh at the warm body and hot water around him. Higgs is feeling _plenty_ warm himself, warm all over in fact. He takes another drink from the bottle and wraps his legs around Sam.

“Higgs.” Sam grabs a white plastic bottle from the side of the tub. The matching green one must be belong to his BB. “Would you wash my hair?”  
 _Yes! 100% yes!_

“What do we say~” Higgs trades the wine bottle with Sam for the shampoo one.  
 _Sam, hurry up!_

“Please.” Sam smiles, taking a small sip of wine.

“Please, _who~?”_ Higgs is already pouring the shampoo into his hands.

“Please Higgs.” Sam let’s out a happy ‘ah!’ as Higgs starts lathering up his wet hair.

“Good boy!” Higgs happily rubs his fingers into Sam’s scalp, soft as he can manage to be around Sam. He pours more shampoo into his hands and rubs his palm over Sam’s beard. Sam tugs the shower head down and grabs it. Spaying both him and Higgs with a hard spray of water.

“Fuck! Why is it set-”

“I uh...” Higgs slicked his now wet black hair out of his face. “I was using it to get off.”

“Are you 31 or 13?” Sam fixed the setting on the shower head and sprayed Higgs again. “Wash your hair too.”

“About that.” Higgs poured the bottle straight on to his head and idly rubbed it in. “Think I might be 32.”

“Could of asked me.” Sam watches the shampoo bottle float by him and hands Higgs the shower head to rinse his hair.

“How old I am?”

“No. Instead of...” Sam grabs the bottle and puts it back. “With the shower. You should of asked me.”

“ _Masturbating_ , Sam?” Higgs grins and shakes his head like a wet dog. “That _I should of asked you_ instead of _masturbating_ with the shower head?”

“Yeah.”

“ _What_ should I of asked you to do?”

“What did you think about me doin’ to you?”

“Uh!” Higgs wasn’t expecting that. “S-St-Stuff.”

“Stuff. Huh?”

“Good stuff.” Higgs fixes his legs back into place around Sam. He doesn’t know what’s going on. Since when is he _shy?_

“Only the best stuff.”

“Stuff human minds _can’t comprehend._ ” Higgs wraps his arms around Sam to match his legs.

“Try me sometime.” Sam is smirking, Higgs can _hear it_ in his voice. He takes a long swing out of wine bottle. It’s _impressive._ So impressive Higgs needs to one up him. He yanks the bottle out of Sam’s hand. “Hey.”

“Hey is for horses!” Higgs chugs the rest of the bottle and erupts into a coughing fit.

“Easy!” Sam grabs the bottle and puts it down on the bathroom tile. Frantically he pats Higgs back before stumbling out of the bathtub to get him a drink of water.

* * *

Higgs is drunk.  
Not only that he’s _happy_ _and drunk_.  
Since when does that happen?

Is Sam drunk? Higgs isn’t sure, but he knows Sam is happy. He was _merrily_ washing Higgs a moment ago and now Sam was busy washing himself. Humming and laying with his back against Higgs’ chest again.

“Sam!” Higgs splashes the bathwater. “Gimme!”

Sam laughs, it’s soft and warm like everything around Higgs. He nestles up against Higgs and hands him the bar of soap. Sam takes Higgs’ hands into his and starts rubbing them together, lathering the soap. Higgs isn’t sure how to describe the sound Sam made relaxing up against him.

 _Angel sound_ , perhaps.

Higgs rests his chin on the top of Sam’s head and rubs the bar of soap around his shoulders. There’s another _angel sound_ from Sam and Higgs rubs his cheek against Sam’s wet hair. He slides the soap over Sam’s collar bones and down his chest. Higgs giddily suds up Sam’s chest in big rough circles. Sam shivers against him.

“Uh. Higgs?”

“Happy~” Higgs lets the soap slip out of his hands, he rubs his palms over Sam’s pecs and inhales the smell of Sam’s clean wet hair. He did such a good job washing it, Sam should tell him how good of a job he did. Higgs would love that. He’s not sure why, but he would love that.

“Good to hear…” Sam is trembling, Higgs missed Sam trembling _so much_. Higgs pinches and tugs Sam’s nipples between his slippery fingers. They are _so_ _pretty, and pink, and perfect._ His _tits are so big, and hairy, and strong, and warm._ Everything around Higgs is so _overwhelmingly warm_ _and happy._ Higgs drunkenly chews on Sam’s hair and pats his chest.

Sam shifts and Higgs moved with him, still happily pulling and groping his pecs. He’s carefully lifting his arm up to not hit Higgs, the soap bar back in his hand.

“Sam! Wait~! Gimmie!” Higgs yanks the soap away from Sam. Sam twitches feeling Higgs roughly rubbing the soap against his armpit. “I love~” he runs the soap over Sam’s chest to his other armpit. “Over here the most~!”

“I- I noticed.” Sam sounds _nervous_ and it’s _precious_. Higgs wants so desperately to _rip him to shreds._ He wants to _eat him alive._ _Swallow him whole._

“Here too.” Higgs slides the soap down Sam’s stomach, over the beautiful scar on his stomach and between his legs.

“Careful!” Sam jumps, feeling Higgs run the bar of soap around his cock. Higgs grabs Sam with his other arm and holds him in place before he can get out. Pinning Sam leaning over the edge of the tub. “Higgs! Careful! Don’t-”

“I won’t~” Higgs bites Sam’s cropped ear. He slicks a wet finger over Sam’s urethra. “See? No soap here.”

“Tha- That won’t… Just don- Mm!” Sam bites his lip, chest rising. Higgs slides the soap down the shaft of Sam’s cock and gingerly rubs it against his balls.

“ _Hard._ ” Higgs breathes. “Get HARD! Sam! I _COMMAND_ you~!”

“Stop! Stop!”

“Why~? I’m being careful.” Higgs slips the soap back up Sam’s cock, extra _careful_ to avoid the head. It twitches under his hand. “It’s hard!!”

“Nn… Not in the tub!”

“Out of the tub~!”

“No! Higgs! C’mon!” Sam wiggles. “I’m trying to be romantic you prick!”

“What’s the problem, Sam?” Higgs slides his finger away, a bead of precum leaks out of Sam’s cock. “Ain’t this our _own special brand_ of romance?”

“Out… Out of the tub.”

* * *

“That’s right, Sam.” Higgs smirks, his voice oozing anticipation. “I am going to _teach_ you how to be selfish~!”

“Are you?” Sam sounds amused.

“I am~!” It’s his turn to be pinned and Higgs couldn’t be _happier_ about it. Sam has Higgs laid out on an _outrageously_ _soft_ towel over their bed, reading lamps on both sides on per his request. What would be the point in having sex if he couldn’t see every detail? The Monaghan Residence would be investing in a full-body mirror soon.  
  
Right after Higgs’ got a pair of thigh-highs for Sam.  
 _Maybe a lacy apron too…_

“Couldn’t ask for a better teacher.” Sam pops open the white bottle of wine and drinks from it. Heavy body sitting on Higgs’ legs. Cold beads of water drip off his hair and beard over his and Higgs’ skin, still warm and damp from their bath together.

It makes Higgs shiver.

“Flattery _will_ get you everywhere, Sam.” Higgs holds his arm up and makes _grabby hands_ for the bottle.

Sam shakes his head no, he takes one of those _impressive swings_ again. Higgs can’t take his eyes off his throat. Rough, naked, exposed skin. Higgs could sink his teeth into at any second and get exactly what he wanted. Does Sam realize that? That any second, even in his condition, Higgs could sink his canines into Sam’s neck and rips a chunk clear off? The idea of lapping at a missing chunk of _his husband’s_ neck is delectable

 _Yet, I don’t.  
_ No matter how _hungry_ Sam made Higgs, he doesn’t do it.  
Sam probably realized _that_ some time ago.

“ _Hurry up,_ before I go _changin’ my mind._ ” Higgs licks lips. “Do _anything_ you want, _Sam Porter Monaghan!”_

“Should of said so sooner.” Sam moves off of him and _finally_ passes Higgs the bottle after pushing the cork back in.

He lifts one of Higgs’ legs up over his head and drags his tongue between Higgs’ legs up to his ankle. Sam traces his tongue around the bracelet of scars there and back down his leg. Higgs moans, sitting up to pet Sam when he nuzzles his face against Higgs’ warm waiting cunt. Narrow, tired blue eyes look up at him and Higgs starts chewing on wine cork _._

That seriously reminds Sam of his old ferret.

 _Something_ makes Sam laugh against him, Higgs wants to ask _what_ exactly but all that comes out is _pathetic_ gasps and praises. Sam thrusts his tongue inside him, in and out. He swirls his tongue inside and barely flinches when Higgs squirts on his face. No surprise there, this wasn’t the first time he’s came on Sam’s face and it wouldn’t be the last. It wouldn’t even be the last time this happened tonight. Higgs snickers at the thought, now Sam gets to wonder what is so funny and _that_ makes Higgs laugh out loud.

Sam slowly drags his tongue out and over Higgs’ clit. He kisses it and gets back on the bed.

“Shouldn’t of given you a bath.”

“M-Marvelous.” It’s that _kind of talk_ from Sam that erases everything in Higgs’ head.

“You might be right about me being the nasty one.”

“Don’t forget Sam! I’m _always_ right.” And _oh._ How _right_ Higgs was. He _vividly_ remembers the week he ordered pizza twice. Sam had gone into some kind of _trance_ after he pulled Higgs’ trousers down and saw his cum from two days ago still dried around Higgs’ thighs. Such a beautiful memory! Higgs toasts to it. “Peach! Wine can be peach!”

“Yeah.” Sam smiles. Higgs presses the bottle to Sam’s lips and he happily accepts it.

“What about apple? Or strawberry?” Strawberry would be _amazing._

“Never had apple. Strawberry ‘s alright.” Sam nuzzles their foreheads together. “Like peach the most.”

“You _like_ _me the most._ ” Higgs lays flat on his back and starts pouring wine over his naked body.

“God fucking damn.” Sam strokes himself, watching the wine drips between Higgs’ collar bones and over his ribs. He crawls over Higgs and catches the liquid before it can reach Higgs’ navel. Sam licks up Higgs’ body, sucking and lapping up every drop.

“Sam, we need to work on you takin’ _my name in vain_ so much.” Higgs lets out a husky chuckle that he _knows_ gets Sam every time. He pours more wine up over Sam’s head. Higgs bites his lip at the way the wine crawls down and between the muscles of Sam’s strong back.

“Asshole.” Sam _hiccups! Hiccups! It’s too fucking much! It’s too precious!_ “Y’know I got stuff to do in the morning.”

“Sam, you _ain’t got shit_ to do tomorrow.” Higgs kicks his legs up over Sam’s shoulders, grinning. “’sides _yours truly._ ”

“Guess you’re always right.” Sam grabs Higgs’ knees and pushes them down and apart. Higgs is smiling ear to ear. “It wasn’t important.”

“ _You guess?_ Sam, how many times do _we! Do W-W_ _h_ _-We Eee!_ _W-W-Waaah!_ ” Higgs takes a sharp gasp of air, his cunt gushing as Sam thrusts his big, thick cock inside of him _without warning_.  
  
“ _Waaaaahh!_ Sam! _Ha! Haha!_ ” Higgs is _trying to_ tell Sam how that is ‘ _Wonderful! Harder! Harder!’_ and _deliciously selfish_ but it appears his drunken brain has finally stopped working. “SAM! _Samsamsamsamsamsam!_ ”  
  
“Loud.” Sam grunts. “Cute and loud.” He lets go of Higgs knees and his hand does the most _fantastic thing_ and claps tight over Higgs’ mouth. It send Higgs to _the moon and back_ and he cums licking and kissing the big palm pushing down against his mouth. “Did you seriously just cum again?”

Higgs nods, his blue eyes big and wet. Face boiling under Sam’s hand.

“I missed you so fucking much.” Sam _impales_ his cock further inside of Higgs’ tight cunt. _There isn’t any_ _other_ _word for it._ “I love you.”

Higgs buckles his hips up with Sam’s thrusts. He digs his nails into Sam’s shoulders and down his back sticky with sweat and wine. The chipped black and gold paint on his long fingernails is _humiliating_ to look at. It reminds him of the first time he gave in and masturbated to Sam’s picture. When his brain corrupted his innocent fantasy of dragging Sam on the dirty ground over to his filthy bunker and torturing him to Sam overpowering him and fucking Higgs in front of every single Bridges member. Of being _Sam’s war trophy._ Kept chained up in his private room with nothing to do but watch his nail polish fade waiting for Sam to come back and fuck him.

Higgs screams against Sam’s hand. Tongue slipping between his fingers. His dizzy mind snapping back between reality, fantasy, and his memories.

Sam moves his hand off of Higgs’ mouth and kisses him. Higgs shrieks into Sam’s mouth that he needs to order some nail polish while cumming so hard he thinks he might of just pissed on Sam in the process. Higgs puts his own hand over the hand print on Sam’s ass and squeezes, digging his nails into the soft skin and Sam _hiccups._

He wants to rip Sam’s face off and eat it.

“ _Higgs._ ”

“Sam, not yet.” Higgs breathes out. He pushes his weight, managing to roll them on their side. Sam takes the hint and pulls out and it’s _excruciating._ It’s a _bad fucking idea._ He _needs_ Sam back inside of him. _Right fucking now._ Sam sits up against the headboard, sweaty and covered in expensive alcohol. His cock slick and twitching while Higgs mounts him, slipping back in so easily. Like it never left. _It should never leave._

“Higgs… Please.” Sam voice is drenched in exhaustion and need. “Higgs. Please.”  
  
It’s as if those are the only two words Sam knows.  
Higgs can’t think of anything more incredible than that.

“ _Please_ , what?” Higgs licks the drying wine off from Sam’s face.

“Make me cum.” Sam is _awfully_ _blunt isn’t he?_

“Well now! You _did_ go and ask me _real nic_ _ely.”_ Higgs is having trouble keeping it together. His body feels like it might go limp the second he pulls himself off Sam’s cock again. He slams himself back down and it’s like a fuse being lit. Higgs reaches out and squeezes Sam’s nipples, still sore from before.

Higgs never learned any kind of rhythm no matter how many times he and Sam did it. He didn’t care, he just wanted to feel good. There’s something strange in the way Sam is looking at him, bouncing and rocking back and forth on his cock like it’s a toy. The normal lust is there, the need and the want mixed with guilt and shame but there’s something else. Higgs’ has seen it before, in the eyes of his boys.

Sam was _admiring_ him, he wanted to _be more like him._

It’s enough to make Higgs almost start screaming again but he tosses his head back instead, biting his lip hard enough to draw blood. He misses the tar, the taste of it, and the familiar soul crushing metallic taste of his _human_ blood keeps him from shouting all his desires. Sam’s cock is all the way inside of him now, well past his g-spot and hurting that beautiful way it always hurts.

“ _Now, Sam!_ ”

Sam’s hand is over his own mouth now, whimpering against it as he orgasms. Face and ears completely red and sweat mixing with the wine. Higgs licks his face again.

It tastes even better like this.  
  
“What do...” Higgs sucks a bit of wine out of the hair in front of Sam’s face, unable to help it. “ _What do we say?_ ”

Sam is panting, slack against the headboard. He lets out a long shaky sigh feeling Higgs slowly peel himself off of his cock.

“Thank you.” Sam finally manages to say, Higgs rolling next to him.

“ _Good boy._ ” Higgs sits up next to Sam, spreading his cunt apart and watching the mess Sam made slowly leak out of him. “Clean me up.”

Sam hiccups and sluggishly crawls into Higgs’ lap.

“Try _holdin’ your breath,_ Sam.” He pets Sam’s sticky hair before yanking his face closer between his legs. “Heard it gets rid of hiccups.”

Higgs is starting to feel like his old self again.

* * *

“Sam, hold on a second.” Higgs places his mug down on the coffee table.

“What’s up?” Sam asks, finishing his hot chocolate and placing his empty mug down too.

“From what you’re sayin’ he’s called Die-Hardman because life is _hard_ and he just wants to _die, man?”_

“No. Not at all. He explained it.”

Higgs had been unusually quiet the entire time Sam told him his story.

Together that afternoon they sorted through his belongings until Higgs grew impatient and _commanded_ Sam to open up the package Deadman left for him. Inside was two picture frames and a manila envelope the Sam opened while Higgs sniffed the picture frames. He licked the sides and over the glass, it was real wood and metal. Not a bad gift but what was the point?

Suddenly, Sam had let out a choked sob. He placed the two large photocopied pictures down on the glass table and shook. Higgs ran over to him, angry because what the fuck? _nobody_ is allowed to make his husband cry besides him. Sam just kept crying, clinging to the warm wool of Higgs’ sweater and started spilling his guts.

The EE wasn’t Sam’s real mama, and the photos were of his actual daddy.  
Some guy named Cliff _.  
_ More importantly he talked about _being a fucking Bridge Baby.  
_ No wonder Sam loved his BB so damn much.

It all came spilling out at once and Higgs hadn’t known what to do. Sam had made this hot chocolate stuff for him this morning when he said he didn’t feel good, and Higgs thought he could do it too. He sat Sam down on the couch and fixed it as fast he could. It was just warm milk and this powder, which is weird because with a name like that Higgs thought it was going to be actual melted chocolate. Higgs hurried back and sat next to Sam, he decided the best thing to do was just _listen_.

“ _Whatever!_ That guy can go fuck himself.” Higgs crossed his legs. “His voice sounds like _bold text.”_

“Higgs what does that even mean?” Sam got up and opened the picture frames.

“I- I don’t know any other way to _describe_ it.” Higgs picked up Sam’s mug and licked the bottom. “Sonuvabitch _sounds_ like when _you_ _read_ something typed out in bold.”

“Then you sound like reading something typed in italics.”

“ _I do not._ ” Higgs pouts, it reminds Sam of Lou. Higgs melts finally seeing Sam smile again after hearing all of that. “Bastard helped your daddy get killed!”

“I know.” Sam takes one of the photos off the coffee table and stares at it. “Shit is complicated.”

“Ain’t it _always_.”

Sam nods, he’s starting to look sad again. _Stop!_

“Sam! Lemme see your daddy!” Higgs bounces on the couch, excited. Sam laughs, remembering him splashing the water in the tub. “I wanna see!”

He hands Higgs the pictures. Higgs is silent.

“Higgs?”

The man in photo is wearing an army jacket. Cigarette in one, hand other hand waving to the camera. He’s smiling the kind of smile that tells Higgs the one taking his photograph is a good friend. Even with that friendly expression this man has an air of _intimidation_ around him. That smile, this photo, it’s a personal moment, _a private_ moment. This man kept his smile behind lock and key only for people he trusted, just like Sam. Like Sam they’re both handsome, sure, but it’s more than that. They’re both handsome in a tired way, a way that makes Higgs wants to know more about them to the point it’s annoying. While Sam was friendly tried, his daddy was more sternly tired. _If that makes a lick of sense._

Without a doubt, Sam’s daddy must have been _a sight to behold_ when he was older. Now that is something Higgs wanted to see. He flips to the next picture and gets his wish.

“Oh _shit._ ”

“Higgs?! Did you meet-”

“Daddy~” Higgs undoes his pants and slips a hand down them.

This man wasn’t hot he was _fucking smoldering!_

“Dude!” Sam punches Higgs in the stomach and grabs the photos out of his hand.

“What?!”

“That’s my dad!”

“Which makes him _even hotter._ ” Higgs is _sure_ that if he’s lucky enough to be Sam’s husband in one part of the multiverse there _has to be_ an even _luckier_ Higgs out there who is getting spit-roasted by both Sam and Sam’s daddy _right now._ Lucky asshole!

“With a baby!”

“Baby?” Higgs looks over the picture in Sam’s hand. “ _Holy hell!_ I didn’t even notice!”

“Didn’t notice?!”

“Seen _one_ baby in a jar an’ you’ve seen ‘em all!”

“That’s me!”

“ _So what!_ ” Higgs hovers his hand over his groin. “I ain’t interested in any Sam _under 30!_ ” Higgs looks at the photo again and zips his pants up. “...Way to ruin it.”

Higgs gets off the couch and starts shifting through the boxes. He pulls out two flat bottles of soda and heads off to toss them in the garbage shoot.

“You’re something fucking else, you know that?”

“Of course I do.” Higgs tosses the soda down the shoot and then grabs two more. “Ain’t it time to go pick up your BB?”

“Her name is Lou. You go.”

“I told you!” Higgs shakes the soda, ready to spray Sam with it. “It’s been ruined for me with _little alien Sam_ staring at me with his _big bug eyes!_ ”

“You. Go.”

It dawns on Higgs that Sam is mad at him.  
That is probably not normal jack off to your husband’s dad.  
In fact it’s pretty fucked up to do.

“I’ll go.” He tosses the soda in the garbage. Higgs has a hard time keeping himself from jumping in himself.

* * *

There is something up with Higgs. He doesn’t understand some of the shit he pulls. Don’t get Sam wrong, when it comes to mass murder and torture Higgs understands exactly what he is doing. Social cues and norms, not so much. Sam gets why, but just because he gets why doesn’t mean he needs to be alright with it. He’s sure him and Higgs will be able to agree on that. Everything else? Not much of a chance.

So when Higgs apologizes to him, Lou happily bouncing in his arms and chewing on his black sweater, Sam is surprised.

There isn’t anything witty or aggressive. Just the two words one after the other, I’m Sorry. It makes Sam worried, he doesn’t want to change Higgs. More so he doesn’t want Higgs to think he needs to change. It sounds like he means it, and Sam can figure enough that parents are foreign and touchy subject to Higgs. Even more than it is for Sam.

“Thank you.” Sam is standing on the couch, he finishes hanging the last photo up on the wall behind it.

“Are...” Higgs timidly walks into the living room. “Are we going to get divorced?”

The way Higgs is talking, Sam doesn’t like it. Obviously he wants Higgs to feel bad for trying to masturbate to pictures of his dad, but he can tell it isn’t just that. His brain must of gone wild again and ran off miles away and created some worse scenario and now it’s eating away at Higgs.

“We aren’t even married yet.”

“Y-Y-Y-Yeah but...”

“No, Higgs.”

“No _we’re not getting married_ or _no we’re not getting divorced?”_

“No we’re not getting divorced.” Sam hops off the couch and kisses Higgs on the cheek.

“I _know_ what I said was fucked, but I.” Higgs sits Lou down on the coffee table and covers her ears. “I didn’t realize it was _incest_.”  
 _Wait._ _How the hell did he reach that conclusion?_

“It wasn’t.”

“What?” Higgs picks Lou back up. “ _Don’t matter!_ Sam is _better_ anyhoo.”  
  
“Is he?”

“Without a doubt.”

“Must be some guy.”

“You wouldn’t _believe it!_ ” Higgs happily holds Lou up to the pictures of Cliff.

“Bwe Bee!” Lou points to Cliff. “Gibbe me bwack my Bwe Bee!”

“Pardon?”

“You’re gonna want to sit down again.”

“Stway fwosty!”

* * *

Peter Englert, the real one, sits diligently working at his mother’s sewing machine. The model qualifies as an artifact having been considered retro before the Death Stranding. The last time Peter had used it he was still a teenager but with his modern model being repaired he didn’t have much choice. Once the memories fit into place and his hands took over Peter found it and it’s old metal pedal soothing to use. He ran his finger over the inscription at the side and smiled, this sewing machine had been a gift from his father to his mother after Peter and his twin brother were born.

It would be winter soon but Peter didn’t mind. Tonight it was unusually warm, with a chilly autism breeze blowing into him and his mother’s workshop through the open door. Peter’s black cat had curled up inside the wicker basket atop the old patterns books he used as a makeshift doorstop. Soft music playing from the terminal while he finished his work. Almost perfect! If only…

“Peter!” _Oh!_

“Boss!” _There he is!_

Higgs lets himself inside. Of course he’s welcome anytime! Peter scrambles up from the sewing table and salutes his beloved Pharaoh. He’s thrilled to see boss wearing his offerings again. The baggy black roll neck sweater was hand-knit by Peter with Alpaca wool from Gretchen’s farm! The linen used to make his equally black trousers was imported but... Sam had picked it up for them, so surely that counted for something? His Pharaoh truly was something! The Particle of God who crawled back from the grave, cursed to live among them… And still he took Sam Porter Bridges as his war trophy! Breathtaking!

More breathtaking… Seeing boss back in his old cloak and military boots! It’s enough to bring Peter to tears.

“Peter, are you going _to cry_ every time you _fucking see_ me?”

He just can’t get used to seeing boss’ mouth after so long! The slightly bushy black beard from yesterday had been trimmed and styled properly. The cloak was cleaned too. _Did Sam pamper and groom boss during their time together?_ It sounds right to Peter!

Before his ascension, boss would wear a beat up old cap and big headphones. Peter recalls the Bridges disguise he made for Higgs that followed the same. Afterwards, he had Peter make him his cloak. Always keeping his face in shadows away from unworthy eyes. Overtime Peter had forgotten his features. He recalls boss having a strange ear…

One of his canines is really sharp…  
Hard not to notice…

“Peter! I’m _talking_ to you.” _Do you bite Sam with your fang boss? Do you rip him to shreds?_

“Apologizes sir!” Peter salutes him again. He wipes his eyes with his sleeve and offers his chair to Higgs.

“Much obliged.” Higgs sits down. Peter dashes across the room and grabs his chair from the corner. He slams it down next to him and happily sits next to Higgs. “Peter, I’ve brought you some _fantastic_ news.”

“You… You do?!” Peter’s eyes sparkle.

“Got _a job_ for _you_ , buddy boy~”

“Boss…” Peter’s heart is blazing! “Are you going to reform-”

“Lingerie!” Higgs crosses his legs and leans his chair against the sewing table.

“Um… Lingerie?” Peter is glad his mother went to bed early. “Boss?”

“Did _I fucking stutter?_ ” Higgs taps the chair against the sewing table, rocking in his chair.

“No sir! It’s just...” Red is spreading over the freckles on Peter’s face. “Not what I expected.”

“Since when do _I_ do what I’m _expected_ to?”

“Yes sir!” The sparkle returns to Peter’s eyes and he salutes Higgs again. “I’ll need measurements first!”

“Already taken care of.” Higgs pulls a yellow sticky note out of his boot and hands it to Peter. “Measured _the old man_ myself this morning.”

“Old man…? Boss…Um. Do you want me to make lingerie for Sam?”

“ _Hysterical_ mental image!” Higgs pulls a measuring tape out of his pocket and tosses it to Peter. “I know~”

...Hysterical isn’t the word Peter would use.

... _Ahem._ Anyway.

Sam hated tight clothes.  
Boss would be better off with the old negligee design from before.

“Boss… How uh… Exactly are you going to get Sam to… Wear it?” He catches the measuring tape.

“ _How?_ Sam does _anything_ and _everything_ I say.”

“Boss! You really did make him your war trophy!” Peter gets up and pulls a pattern book from the bookshelf next to him.

“ _Better,_ Peter. I made him _my husband._ ” _Is... that better?_

“Sir. If Sam gets a say in it... I don’t think he’ll wear it.” Peter pulls out a few more pattern books.

“ _The fuck do you think of me?_ Sam _gets a say in it_ , and he is _going_ to say yes.”

Peter doesn’t understand, but he nods anyway. “What style should it be?”

“Style?” Higgs scratches his beard. “Hold on.”

“What do you want it to look like?” Peter opens one of the books and starts flipping through pages. “This could-” Higgs was gone. “Boss?”

Higgs ran back in and grabbed Peter by the arm. Dragging him out behind him.

* * *

  
Wildpferdeherde had the ideal layout far as John was concerned.  
Nothing too far or too close.  
Made for good exercise.

“Is he seriously the Homo Demens dude?” Finn asks, he’s got a 3 foot lead on his father, carrying a big bag of rice over his shoulders.

“Ask ‘m yourself.” John’s out of breath, box of vegetables under one arm and box of frozen chicken under the other. No breaks. Not going to take a breather. Sliver of a chance that Monaghan is still breathing and he has got to be ready for it.

The dirt road is illuminated around Finn and his father by solar powered lanterns that hung from the branches of the trees that lined it. Finn watches each one go by with curiosity before gazing back up at the stars.

John feels a bit guilty.  
  
Boy is 16 now and it’s the first time he’s let him outside this time of night. He had a bad habit of running off and wandering. Wanting to see more of a world that got nothing left to see. Didn’t matter that he didn’t let him out of night is what John told himself. Nothing to see or do. No girls around his age to take to the river. No boys around period to play with. Wasn’t a thing John could about it besides try his best and keep Finn away from the likes of UCA and bastards like Monaghan.

Higgs, little lad must have been in Finn’s situations but worse. Living hell. John still isn’t sure if he wants Finn around Higgs but he is sure that he’s judged the man too hard. Lot of it had to do with Peter having been Finn’s age when he met Higgs so it made John paranoid. Not to mention Higgs didn’t need to dig his fingers in the wound and go bringing up poor Alex last night.  
 _  
She still hooked up?_  
 _What about Cassidy?_

“Dad?”

“All good.”

“Behind you! Isn’t that him?”

John turns around, speak of the devil. Higgs is hauling ass up the road. Tugging Peter behind him like a kid with an old teddy bear.

“Higgs!” John calls out. “Over here!”

“H-Hi!” Finn waves coyly. “Hey Peter.”

“Hey...”

“Later!” Higgs shouts, pulling Peter in front of them.

“Later? We’re heading over to your place.”

“We’re not!” Higgs stops, he looks Finn over. Boy is almost as tall as him.

“I’m Finn!”

“Higgs.” He keeps it brief. Higgs did say he didn’t like kids. “Me and peter are _heading over_ to the Mifune residence.”  
  
“...We are…?”

Higgs snakes his arms around Peter and starts _levitating_ up over the trees.

“The hell!” John drops the boxes.

“Sam said he couldn’t do that anymore!” Finn seems unaware of Peter’s shouting. “That kicks ass!”

“Would come in hand building _your_ greenhouse!”

“Boss! Stop! B-B-B-Boss! Let me tell you where they live! B-Boss! Put me down!”

John and Finn stand there watching them fade away with the sound of Peter screaming.

* * *

“Penny! Penny Mifune!” Higgs spotted the lady of the household’s fluffy ponytail bobbing up and down. He mistook her for a sheep at first.

“Hello? Oh!” Penny looks around before finally looking up and spotting Higgs and Peter. “Look at you! It’s a bird! It’s a plane!”

“ _Peter,_ do I look like _a bird?_ ”

“...”

“How about _a ferret?_ Or _a rat?_ ”  
  
“Jackal...”

“ _Right._ ” Higgs starts hovering downwards. “Peter, don’t think I didn’t see that _blasphemous idol_ you made.”

Higgs lands in front of Penny who is sitting on blanket in her front yard right in front of the porch. Sketchpad on her lap and pencils scattered about the blanket. He lets go of Peter who stumbles down on the grass.

“Good evening!” Penny smiles. “Sam said you lost all your powers! You scared me a bit.”

“Good evening, dear! Fortunately, Sam _was wrong_. It _happens,_ often.” Higgs dusts himself off. “You _are_ Penny, correct?”

“Correct! I’m happy we’re already on a first name basis.” Penny stands up and starts sketching Higgs.

“We _will_ be if you _lend me_ a hand.” Higgs hopes she doesn’t ask him to summon a BT. He doesn’t want them to know he’s been reduced to a humming bird.

“What can I help you with?”

“Do your _capabilities_ extend to designing clothing?”  
  
“Sure! But is it for you or Sam?” Penny flips to a new page. “If it’s for you pass the job along to George!”

“Sam.” Higgs answers, Penny looks excited. “Underwear.”

“Frilly underwear?”

“ _Exactly!_ You’re a bright one, Mrs. Mifune.”  
  
“The sun should be! I got the same thing for George when we got engaged.”

“Penny! You’re a woman of _fine taste!_ ” Higgs bows. “After my own heart!”

“Would you like to come inside?”

“Charmed.”

“Peter?”

“...” Peter is still curled up in the grass. Silent.

“That’s _right,_ you have a fear of heights.” Higgs yanks Peter up by the arm. “ _Don’t you?”_

“… Yes sir...”

“Get fucking over it.”

Higgs grabs Peter’s other arm and floats them up into the air and towards the door.  
  
“After you and you!” Penny collects her pencils and rolls up her blanket, laughing at her own corny joke.

* * *

That is _hilarious_.

Sam’s BB is strapped to his chest in some pink contraption. The pod comes to mind first, and then body armor _only with a baby._

“Reliving _the glory days,_ Sam?” Higgs stops reading, resting the book on his stomach as he slid down the beanbag chair laughing at Sam and Lou.  
 _Baby Armor._

“Come outside with us.”

“I’m good.” Higgs is about to finish _Roadside Picnic_. Before he read _The Time Wanderers_. Higgs forced himself to not read _Far Rainbow_ because Sam had asked Higgs to read it to him. “The Soviets were _on to something,_ Sam, an’ it wasn’t communism.”

“Higgs. You haven’t left the house in 2 weeks.”

“ _Because_ , Sam, I’m _good._ ” Higgs picked the copy of _Gravity's Rainbow_ off the ground and shakes it at Sam. The week before he finished it and _The Crying of Lot 49_ and planned to reread both before he had to trade the books in. “The Americans were _on to something,_ Sam-”

“ _An’ it wasn’t capitalism.”_ What the _fuck_ was that? Is Sam trying to mimic his voice? “You already told me that joke a day ago.”

“Did I?” Higgs had told it three times. All three times now Sam has failed to respond with ‘ _What works then?’_

Sam’s been out and about porting. Left alone Higgs would ether read and masturbate if he didn’t have to look after Sam’s BB. When he did have to look after her he’d settle for only reading. Sitting on the couch with Sam’s BB while she chewed on her Sam Sheepdog and he chewed on Old Alice. It brought them closer together.

“Yes. You did.” Sam picks up both books and slides them back into the bookshelf. “How do you read all that so fast?”

“Fast reader.” Higgs shrugs. He could read through most books at an _apparently alarming_ rate. Higgs used to think it was normal for quite sometime. It was actually Fragile who informed him that no, it isn’t normal.

“Huh. Neat.” Sam yanks Higgs off the beanbag chair. This feels oddly familiar.

“ _What_ do you _think_ you’re _doing_ , Sam?”

“Being selfish.” Sam leads Higgs out the door.

“C-Could I grab-”

“Nope.”

Sam yanks Higgs out the door, Lou happily giggles.

It’s a beautiful day outside, grass wet with morning dew, sun shining on the autumn trees, and Higgs isn’t impressed at all.

“ _Where_ are we going?”

“No where. Just a walk.” Sam moves his hand from Higgs’ wrist to his own hand.

“Sam! _I know_ a _real fun_ kind of _exercise_ we can do indoors.”

“Uh-huh.”

“That’s right! You’re a big fan of _exercising outside!_ Sam! How could I forget?”

“Uh-huh.”

“You are not listening to me at all, are you?”

“Mmhmm.” Sam pulls something out of his ears and pops it into one Higgs’.

“ _What_ are you do-” Higgs taps the plastic thing in his ear. “ _Dream pop?_ ”

“Low Roar.”

“No Sam, that’s the genre.”

“Yeah?” Looks like he wouldn’t be asking Sam if he likes shoe-gaze.

“ _Uh-huh._ ” His Sam impression is _leagues above_ Sam’s Higgs impression. Higgs laces his fingers with Sam’s and squeezes his hand tight.

* * *

“Captain!” He had hit the shutter before he knew it. “Smile!”

“What are you doing?” Cliff laughed, passing his cigarette to him. “You cannot tell me to smile after you have taken the picture.”

“You were already smiling.” He didn’t smoke but he accepted it. “Should be alright.”

“I have an old photo frame for you to use.” Cliff lit another cigarette for himself.

“Captain, thank you.” Hesitantly, he inhaled the cigarette Cliff handed him, mimicking his Captain's motions.

“Easy.” Cliff smiled, patting his back as he hacked out his lungs next to Cliff.

“...Sorry.”

“For what? You know, I think you should try putting some more umph into your voice, no?”

“ **Umph**?”

He can still feel the way Cliff’s cigarette lit up his lungs.

* * *

Sam’s walk was _fun and all_ until _other people_ showed up. Higgs was completely exposed, Sam hadn’t let him grab something to cover his face. He had to have known, he had to have done it on purpose. Sam was happy and laughing, talking to their neighbors while Higgs could feel every glance that traced even an inch over his face.

Those _neighbors_ , who were basically _his underlings_. The absolute nerve of them. They smiled at him walking with Sam. Called them a _handsome couple_. The _perfect match._ It was disgusting how good it made Higgs feel, how hot it made his face. A _lovely family_. They awed at them about their _adorable daughter._ Higgs consumed in Sam’s moody playlist and big warm hand around his totally forgot about Sam’s BB.

_She got to wear a hat._

“Higgs?”

“Yes, _Sam?_ ”

“We’re home.”

 _He knew that.  
_ “I know that.”

Sam let go of Higgs’ hand. Higgs grabs it again.

“Walk me inside. Be _a gentleman_ for once in your life.” Higgs suggests, mouthing _fuck me_ afterwards.

“I can’t.” Sam kisses Higgs. “I have to pick something up for Peter.”

There isn’t a word for the mix of disappointment and _pure excitement_ Higgs feels at once.

* * *

  
Higgs twirls into the living room holding three Magpie bags. He puts two in front of Sam, home from his last delivery for Gretchen to Timefall Farm and sipping a beer on the couch in some sweatpants and a t-shirt. Sam hadn’t taken a shower yet and the smell of his sweat and exhaustion only made Higgs more excited.

“What’s this?” Sam put his beer down and peered into one of the bags.

“Something special~”

“Higgs. I think your order got mixed up.”

“No~! This is _exactly_ what I ordered.”

Sam reached his hand in the bag and pulls out that something special _._ A pair of panties and a blue bra made of azure silk _._ Sam knows it’s azure silk because he had to deliver it to Peter the other week.  
Why not call it sky blue like a normal person?  
Isn’t it the same color?

Both have the same little black bow in the middle.

The panties are way too fucking small. There is no way Sam could fit himself in these. The panties are decorated with thin white vertical stripes going down the groin and back. Atop the waist of both ends is long black lace, looks like you have to tie them at the sides to put them on. Sam is sure it’s ‘sexy’ or whatever but all he can see is two fancy napkins with shoelaces on top.

All things considered Sam is amazed it’s not a thong.

Instead of stripes the bra is all blue and lined with white frills. Behind the frills at long ribbons of white lace with two more black laces like the ones on the panties on the white lace towards the middle.

What’s with the ties?  
Isn’t this just inconvenient?  
Sam is pretty sure he would end up ripping it if he tried to tie any of these.

“You gonna wear this shit too?” Sam stuffs the underwear back into the bag.

“Obviously not!” Higgs grabs the other bag. He takes out a frilly white apron and lays it over Sam.

“It’s too small.”

“ _Exactly._ ” Higgs sits down next to Sam and shifts through the rest of the bag that had the apron in it. He pulls out… something. It’s one of those belts you see in pinup magazines. Sam doesn’t have a clue what those are called. Followed up by a long pair of socks like the ones Higgs wore, only white and black instead of yellow and black. “Don’t forget too big ‘round for little old me to wear.”

“The apron is too small, Higgs.” Sam grabs his beer and finishes it. “Get me one I can actually use around the house.”

“That, _Sam_ , is because it’s _a_ _pinafore_.”

“A what?”

“ _A pinafore._ It’s a _type_ of apron. _”_ Ain't a type of an apron still just an apron?

“Higgs. It’s one of those frilly little aprons collage kids used to wear on Halloween.” Sim sits up and pulls the _pinafore_ over his head. Sam pats his chest. “Dirty one too. This barely covers your chest.

“French maid. If you are going to be _uncultured_ Sam, do it right.” Higgs gleefully leans over and ties the back of the apron for Sam.

Sam realizes that it is yet another thing with ties.  
Seriously why the ties?

“For the record!” Higgs slaps across Sam’s pecs. Sam yelps and stands up. “ _It covers none_ of your chest~!”

“Very cultured, dude.” Sam turns around and crosses his arms at Higgs.

“ _Excellent._ ” Higgs tugs at the bottom of apron. The skirt of the apron ends a few inches under Sam’s hips with the top snugly fitting over Sam’s ribs and framing his chest. “Peter does some _precision work._ ”

He pats Sam’s thighs before standing up. Higgs adjusts the loose, flared straps of the apron to be properly around Sam’s triceps. Further framing Sam’s pectoral muscles as well as his biceps.

Sam doesn’t know what to say. He eyes that weird little doll Higgs keeps around of him dressed as Alice in Wonderland and recognizes the _pinafore_ and he gets it. Like a lot of things, he doesn’t exactly like it but he gets it. What Sam does like however is the way Higgs looking at him.

Maybe he can convince Higgs to let him just wear the apron?

That way Higgs is happy and Sam doesn’t end up accidentally ripping Peter’s hard work.

“No. Not _excellent._ ” Higgs lowers his hood. “ _Absolutely astonishing!_ It’s the spittin’ image of Penny’s drawing!”  
  
“Penny too?” Sam sighs and uncrosses his arms. “Should of known.”

“That woman is _a genius_.”

“How about just the pinafore?”

“ _No dice!_ ” Higgs pats Sam’s shoulders. “Need the full package!”

Well shit.  
Maybe just the apron and the bra?  
He… Wait.

Why is Sam bargaining about this?

“Higgs. I ain’t wearing this shit.” Sam carefully unties the apron and slides it off. He hands it to Higgs.

“Yes you are.” Higgs starts folding the frilly thing _s_ with more care than he’s seen Higgs fold his own clothes. “We are going porting together, Sam.”

“Bad idea.” Super bad idea. Higgs’ had gotten some muscle back but he was still awkward on his feet. He would float around too much and tire himself out all the time too.

“ _Don’t interrupt._ We _are_ going porting together and _you Sam._ You are going to _wear this wonderful little outfit_ under your usual gear.”

 _Oh.  
_ “Oh.” Oh.

Higgs pats Sam’s head and sniffs his sweaty hair. “The Lord Giveth! Tomorrow I’ve arranged you a meeting with my _design team_ at lunch.”

“They’re you’re design team now?” Sam didn’t need to have a meeting. Higgs would be naked under his porter uniform the same way he’s always naked under everything. That was way better to Sam than some frilly underwear.

“You’re _welcome,_ Sam.”

“Tomorrow is when you go to the greenhouse. Who is going to look after Lou?”

Higgs takes out the final Magpie bag and shakes a black baby carrier with golden stripes on the straps out of it.

“Who else? Her _cooler,_ taller father.”

Sam smiles.  
Shit. He’ll wear anything this prick wants.  
He loves Higgs way too much.  
Before he knows it he’s squeezing Higgs tight into his chest.

“Higgs!”

“Can’t… Breathe...”

“Sorry.”

“Sam, I didn’t say to _stop,_ now did I?”

* * *

Retirement life didn’t suit Higgs, he didn’t deserve it, _even if he sure as hell is enjoying it._

“How about it?” Gretchen asked. “Think it’ll get the job done?”

Higgs hovers around the ceiling petting Lou’s head like a cat as she claps and cheers. Amazed how high up she is.

It’s an impressively sized greenhouse especially for how little people actually built. Hand constructed just like the old days. The tarp on the ceiling should keep things dark enough for growing mushrooms and there was even a basement with a small bathroom and storage shelves.

“Sam tell you Higgs can still fly?” John whispered to Gretchen. “Told us he couldn’t.”

“I don’t think Sam knows.”

Higgs carefully lads in front of them, not wanting to make Lou dizzy. John gives them both an odd look.  
 _What is up with people named John?_

“Absolutely, I only regret that in my _sickness_ I could not help construct it.” Higgs bows and Lou mimics it him.

“I’ve got to head back and help George with my shed.” Gretchen shakes Higgs’ hand and waves Lou goodbye. That woman was always busy, wasn’t she? John waved goodbye to Gretchen as well and walked to unlock the basement for Higgs.

“ _Johnny boy,_ would you hold her for me?” Higgs pulled Lou out of the carrier. He started ungoing the straps. “I don’t want her inhaling the spores.”

“’s not an issue.” John held Lou and she started chewing on his beard. He gave Higgs a confused look when Higgs handed him the carrier and said something lost to Higgs slamming the heavy basement door behind him.

Higgs floated down the stairs, the basement was a good bit underground. It felt stuffy, dark, and damp, so exactly like where Higgs had lived for most of his life. The lights were dim and around him is nothing but shelves, cardboard boxes full of spores and metal cases with the books Higgs had ordered. Much bigger than Higgs had expected with plenty of empty space and a utility sink. He would check that basement out more later. Higgs had a much more important test to run first:

“Sam.”

No response.

_“More, Sam!”_

No response.

 **“ _HARDER!_ ** **SAM!”**

_Still no response?_

Higgs took a deep breath.

#  _**"SAM! PENETRATE MY CERVIX!"** _

This time a response! The basement door swung open and John came running down the stairs, wearing Lou on the carrier on his back because it was _too big_ for him.

Higgs burst out laughing, _the man really is a dwarf!_

“Hell is going on?! Did somebody scream?”

Higgs is doubling over now.

“Fuck is so funny? You alright or not?!”

“Fwhuck!”

“Just testing! Just testing!” Higgs wipes the tears from his eyes. He floats up the stairs and pulls Lou off of John’s back. “What did you hear?”

“Sounded like somebody shooting a goat.”

 _So I’m a goat now?!_ Higgs puts Lou back in her carrier. “That’s all. Thank you for your _participation_.”

“Part- You alright?!” Higgs stumbles on to the steps, panting. Fuck. Lou lets out a worried sob.

“Obviously. I overdid it _._ ” Felt like more and more it took less and less to _overdo it._ Higgs reached out and patted Lou.

“Listen. Want to ask you something.” John steadied Higgs back down the stairs over to the sink.

“Plenty happy… with Sam.” Higgs laughs a hoarse little mean laugh, splashing his face with water.

“Ain’t interested in men.” John says dryly. “My boy is outside. Gonna look after your girl. Stay here.”

“Not like I’m going anywhere.” Higgs coughs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took way too long  
> It is also more horny than other chapters  
> Does that make up for it? probably not.
> 
> Next Time: Sam embarrasses himself, Higgs in a collar, and that bastard Monaghan.


	5. His Name is My Name Too

John, as in President John Blake McClane, sits alone in his office. The room is blank without the projection of the Oval Office of yesteryear against it’s sterile walls but John can’t get himself in the mood for it. So he finds himself sitting here, alone in the middle night staring at the locked bottom drawer of his desk in what looks like a giant operating room. Former President Bridget Strand, a woman well acquainted with operating rooms, smiles at John behind the glass of the metal picture frame atop his desk.

Once again, Bridget took center stage while John locked Cliff away.  
All of his life locking Cliff away, again and again.

He desperately wants a hot cup of coffee and a stack of paperwork. Something bureaucratic and productive, not a simple distraction but an important distraction. Work that not only needed to be done but had to be done. Essential work that kept his mind planted on safely sitting on the shore away from the drowning ocean in his heart. Those raging, unforgiving waters the one place he couldn’t manage to lock Cliff away from.

_He… He is being melodramatic again, isn’t he?_

John sighs and lifts the leather desk blotter to retrieve his desk key from underneath. It is ridiculous, the way his hand trembles reaching for his desk drawer. John, being both melodramatic and ridiculous once again, braces himself before he turns the key. Any odd observer could easily fall under the impression that Clifford Unger himself is about to jump out from inside that bottom drawer if they saw the way John is acting about it.

_Perhaps Cliff will._

Stranger things have happened.

Perhaps instead of popping out of desk drawer, one day a massive chiral storm would hit the East Coast again. This time a hurricane with winds that howl like the vindictive ululations of valkyries gone mad with age. Those lost warriors whose befuddled tears the sheets of rain that will pour from the sky amid the timefall will mimic. This brave world that held on so dearly to life itself under the onslaught of the storm would suddenly still with it, and out from the eye of the storm would so triumphantly ride the missing Sam Porter Bridges atop a giant whale. His sleeping father harnessed against his back waking as the giant creature landed in a world that would never be its own.

_That is… That’s a bit…_

Not melodramatic.  
That istheatrical.  
Theatrical to the point of not being ridiculous but being stupid.

It’s… Well, itsembarrassing.

How about the same supercell as before comes back to haunt them only for it to simply spit out Cliff holding Sam in his arms like a newborn? That’s… Slightly less embarrassing, still embarrassing. He is too old to being thinking up that kind of nonsense, to be sitting here daydreaming like this.

The bottom drawer of his desk slides out with ease and with no sign of Cliff jumping out from black hole inside of it and pushing a well deserved knife against John’s throat. The weather report on the terminal in front of him reports skies are clear. It is simple common sense that nobody will be crashing through the ceiling of his office holding their fully grown son anytime soon.

John reaches into the drawer and takes a metal photo frame, the same brand as the one on his desk, out first. Followed by another photo frame, older and made of wood. He places them both face down on his desk. Next, John takes out Sam’s Cuff Links and looks them over. How had Sam managed to disconnect these? Had someone helped him? These… areSam’s Cuff Links, aren’t they?

He shakes it off and puts the Cuffs Links down on his desk. He believed Fragile and Deadman, the distress that painted both of their faces isn’t something ether of them could fake.

Finally, John loops his dog tags over his fingers and closes the drawer. Keeping these had been such a stupid thing to do. One of the few things he had kept from Bridget. There is no point in hiding these anymore, just like Cliff.

The picture is clear in his mind, John only needs to put it together. He’ll place the picture of Cliff with his BB next to Bridget and hang one cuff of Sam’s Cuff Links to the corner of each. On the other side of his desk, he’ll drape his dog tags over the old photograph of Cliff in it’s wooden frame Cliff had given him.

Theatrical, melodramatic, a little bit ridiculous and something he is too old to being doing. John would be doing it anyway.

John takes a deep breath and turns the photo frames over. He holds one in each hand and looks them over. There he was, as always. Handsome and frozen in… _Hold on a moment._

_Who on earth had… Why on earth would they…_

“ **What** on earth is going on here?”

* * *

John, as in John Moore The Herbalist, walks out of the Monaghan greenhouse holding Lou in his arms. Finn should be driving up in their old pickup truck any second now. Wasn’t right to lie to Higgs when the man is sick, small thing or not. He knows how it is. Last thing you need to is be worrying about is your child when you’re suppose to be worrying about yourself.

“Dad!” Finn honks the horn, making Lou cheer and the small girl next to him shout out in surprise. Dorothy, George and Penny’s little daughter, must be with him.

“What’s all this?” John walks over to his pickup. The back is loaded up with mismatched package containers and cases.

“You missed it.” Finn says, he hangs the keys over the rear view mirror before getting out of the truck. “Sam showed up on his bike with this huge packages of stuff on his back.”

“Like THIS!” Dorthy holds her arm up over her head, dropping her toy lion on the ground in the process. Finn shakes his head in annoyance and grabs Dorothy's basket out from the front of the truck. He picks up the lion and stuff it in the basket before handing it to the little girl and shutting the door.

“We expected to bring it inside?” The thought alone of carrying all this shit on your back at once made John’s own back hurt. Motorcycle or no motorcycle. Sam’s back or his back.

“Sam wants Higgs to do it.” Finn straightens his backpack and holds Dorothy’s hand.

The two kids walk in front of the greenhouse and Finn lets go of Dorothy’s hand. He takes his backpack off and pulls out a blanket. Dorothy puts down her basket and grabs the other side of it, together they lay the thick blanket over the cold clean grass. Dorothy putting her basket on one side and Finn his backpack on the other to hold the blanket down in place.

Something like that can make even John smile. He walks over to the blanket and carefully puts Lou down on Finn’s knees. Finn pats her head and Dorothy waves both her hands out at her, overjoyed when Lou does the same back.

“Good lad.” John unbuckles the baby harness and hands it to Finn. At 16 years old his boy was quickly nearing six feet tall, thing should fit him fine.

“Me or Sam?” Finn slings the carrier over his shoulder and sits down in front of Lou.

“The both of you.” John pats Finn on the head. “You too, Dot.”

“What about Lou?” Dorothy takes out her lion and holds it in front of Lou.

“Lou too.” John reaches into Finn’s backpack and pulls out a bottle of water.

“Dad!”

“We’re good lads!”

“Dad!! Don’t just go sticking your hands in my stuff!”

“Can it.” John picks his next words carefully, not wanting to worry Finn. “Higgs said he got a sore throat.”

“I got one too!” Dorothy pulls a cup sized water bottle out from her basket and holds it up to John.

“No thank you, hun.”

“Where is Higgs?” Finn asks, John wishes he didn’t sound so excited. “Did you tell him?”

“Ask him. Not tell him.” John watches Finn take out his old toy elephant and bounce it on the blanket in front of Lou. “He’s down in the basement, going to ask him right now.”

“How come your greenhouse doesn’t have a basement?” Dorothy asks.

“Didn’t need one.” John pats her head as Dorothy unscrews her little water bottle and holds it out to Lou who happily sips from it.  
  
“Cwouldn’t dwink another dwop.”

Dorothy nods and screws the cap back on.

“Listen Finn, you stay here and look after the girls. Gretchen is going to bring you all lunch. Stay. Here.”

“Why! You said Higgs could be my cousin!”

Lou’s eyes grow large, almost like she understood what Finn is saying. She’s a smart baby, but still a baby. No way she knows.

Dorothy on the other hand, isn’t a baby. She understands exactly what Finn just said.

“YOU’RE COUSINS WITH THE VAMPIRE???”

“Louwd...”

“FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME HE ISN’T A VAMPIRE!”  
  
“Fwucking!”

“No shouting ‘round the baby!” John scolds.

“Sorry, Mister Moore.” Dorothy nods and hides her face in her Lion.

“No swearing ether.” John looks over to Finn who blushes and crosses his arms. John crosses his arms back. “Blockhead. Ought to know better. Now the lot of you wish me goodbye.”

Finn slumps over and lets out a sigh so riddled with teenage angst John can’t help but laugh and pat his boy on the back. Finn perks up a little.

“See you later, dad.”

“Goodbye!”

“Lawter Alligwator!”

John waves and heads back inside the greenhouse and down the stairs. He had expected Higgs to lock the basement door, must be still sitting by the sink.

Higgs is laying in front of the sink, his head black and blue with bruises and bleeding out on the basement floor.

“Shit!” John drops the water bottle and it rolls down the stairs. He rushes over to Higgs and sits him up against the sink. Higgs must of passed out and hit his head against sink and then again something awful on the concrete floor. He’s got these odd little marks over his patchy eyebrows, John doesn’t have time to wonder what that is about. “Tell me you’re still in there! Higgs!”

No pulse.

“What am I going to tell Sam...” John picks Higgs up, he has to get him to the incinerator with three kids outside. This isn’t a body anymore, it’s a ticking time bomb but none of them are going to understand. Not even poor Finn. For a man his height, Higgs is surprisingly light. Know he’s skinny and all but-

Higgs is…  
Higgs is floating.

John lets go of him. The tiny red scratches around Higgs’ eyebrows fade away along with the odd scars there. Those uneven black eyebrows fill in fully with the exception of two big scars over the left one. Makes it look like Higgs got into a bar fight when he was a teenage. Knowing his uncle he probably more or less did.

“Why… Why eyebrows...” John holds his arms out. Higgs had to fall sometime, didn’t he?

Over Higgs’ forehead a new, longer red scratch cuts itself across in the same cross pattern and similarly fades away along side the bruises and equally odd scars there. John starts to wonder if his wife and Monaghan might of actually been on to something with that religious shit because whatever the fuck is going on in front of him sure as hell looks demonic.

The blood stops dripping, the puddle vanishes from the floor into Higgs’ mouth and John braces himself because this it. He’s going to fall. This time is it. Gotta.

Higgs lets out a raspy gasp and falls down into John’s arms. John almost tumbles over himself but he balances. He sits Higgs up away from the utility sink and runs to grab the bottle of water. Don’t need to check his pulse again when he heard Higgs breathing.

Something black dribbles out of Higgs’ mouth. John is having trouble not throwing up himself.

* * *

That’s right.  
He is only the _second_ biggest liar of the lot.

Higgs is on a beach, it’s not his beach and it’s not her beach ether even though somehow _she_ is there.

“Higgs.” Ameile soothes him. His head is on her lap and she’s tracing over his eyebrows with a slender finger. He stares up at her, wide eyed and confused.

“Ameile...” Seeing her _fucking hurts_.

“Shouldn’t leave a scar. Not when I made them to begin with.”

“I’m... I’m telling.” Higgs sits up and spits on her face. “Not one to be a tattletale, but tell you what! You are just _incapable_ of keepin’ your word! Ain’t you?

“I would appreciate it if you would stop spitting on me.” Bridget, not Ameile, is standing before Higgs now dressed in all white.

“I’d _appreciate_ it if you would kindly fuck off!” Higgs spits again but she vanishes before it can hit her face, if it _ever really_ hits her face to begin with. He spots her off to the side.

Still an old woman, least she’s being honest now.

“Used to be able to do that too!” Higgs shouts. “Think you fixin’ up the mess we made together on my face will make up for you fucking me into the dirt?”

“I have nothing to make up for.” She lets him spit on him this time. Doesn’t feel good when she lets him do it.

“ _Oh_ _yes_ you do! Sam told me _everything_. You _shouldn’t be here_. _”_ Higgs looks around for Bridget, he can’t spot her this time. “How about this! _Very least_ give me somethin’ _pretty_ to spit on. Wrinkled old bitch!”

“Like this?” Sam flickers in front of Higgs in his old Bridges gear and tight ponytail. He runs his gloved fingers over Higgs’ forehead in a cross motion and smiles that old tired smile of his. Smells like Sam too… Only his jumpsuit is _red_ and there’s _a woman’s voice_ coming out of his mouth. “Higgs, we don’t have long left to-”

“Not fucking funny!” Higgs pushes the fake Sam away from him. “If you’re about to spill humanity’s _expiration date_ , ain’t sure if you noticed but _I don’t fucking care anymore.”_

“-To talk.” Ameile holds Higgs, the first time she ever has. It hurts. It hurts real bad. Higgs slips out of her arms.

“Talk? I don’t want to talk to you ever again. I’d _rather_ talk to my old bitch of a mother in law!”

“You always were indecisive.” Bridget again in her white outfit.

“Black and gold, Madame President.”

“Now?” _She actually does it,_ a black skirt and blazer with golden heels.

“ _Now_ you fuck off.”

“Higgs, I’ve been trying to reach you.”

“And suddenly you can?” Higgs looks around this beach again, it felt familiar but he’s never been here before. “Why don’t you be a good little Extinction Entity an’ head on back home?”

“I hadn’t forgiven you Higgs, I think it kept me from being able to see you. I have… Loose ends I need to tie up first.” _Loose ends, huh?_ Is that what he is to her? A loose end?

“Talk about coincidences! _Your_ _son_ gave me _a real loose end_ this morning.”

“Higgs, spare me.” Bridget rubs between her eyes.

“Right! Your _adopted_ son!”

“Public knowledge. Higgs, I want to-”

“You know I _will never_ forgive you, right?” Higgs stares her down.

“But you understand now, don’t you?”

Yes, he did. There was in fact, somehow, good reasons to keep struggling through life.

“Who’s to say? All I know is you’re _lying_ to me again, just like old times!” Higgs snarls. “You haven’t _forgiven me_ for fucking shit.”

“… Yes. I haven’t. You acted out of line, you should of listened to me.”

“You _know exactly_ _how_ you were able to drag me here.”

“No, Higgs.” Bridget groans in annoyance and starts rubbing between her eyes again. “It is not because-”

“It _is_ because _your adopted son’s hot seed_ is still stuck to the walls _of my rectum._ ” Higgs says cheerfully. “Never thought I’d be happy Sam doesn’t eat ass!”

“I really! Don’t need to hear this!”

Higgs smiles, it’s satisfying to hear her finally lose her cool.

“Then _send me back._ ”

“Not yet.” Bridget shakes her head. “Give it a moment.”

“Give _what_ a moment?”

“That.”

Bridget points across the beach to the derelict town that sat there.

* * *

“ _That asshole_ brother _of yours_ kicked the bucket _years ago._ ” Monaghan had refused to so much as take one foot out of his shelter. John figured he wouldn’t be opening the door anytime soon.

“What?” Alex was holding back angry tears, John couldn’t stand seeing anybody strong as she was like that. “Did you ever think to tell me?!”

“ _Why_ should _I tell you_ anything?” That bastard laughed. “ _You_ ain’t family! You ain’t my _flesh and blood,_ and nether was that _limp dick brother_ of yours!”

“Monaghan! Where is my nephew?”  
  
“Don’t got one!”

“Don’t be a smart- a jerk! Fine then! Where is my niece?”

“Ain’t _no_ fucking baby in here for the last fucking time! You _dumb cunt!_ ” Monaghan thrust open the door. The stale air flooded out like a casket and a vulture stood there leering over John. “ _Ransacking_ my sister’s _grave_ not enough? Go ahead! _See if_ you can find any _fucking baby._ ”

“Grave? You mean that fucking murder scene?” John should of tackled him down to the floor and strangled his skinny neck. He should of grabbed the metal briefcase off of Alex’s back and beat Monaghan’s skull in with it. Instead he stood there watching Alex search the vulture’s claustrophobic, dirty nest. “You going to tell us what the fuck happened in there?”

“Why in _the fuck_ should I? _Who the fuck_ are you?” Monaghan spat on the ground next to John. “My _poor baby sister_ died in there! _That’s what_ _happened,_ asshole.”

“Ain’t trying to pour salt in the wound! My name’s John, I’m that kid’s uncle too!”

“ _John!_ If I had a dollar for every _asshole_ _named John_ that _boggled my life down_ with _bullshit_ I couldn’t give _half a fuck_ about! _”_ Monaghan hissed.

“… Just Moore is fine. It’s John Moore.”

“ _Well now,_ Mr. Moore!” The vulture tossed his cigarette to the ground and stomped it out. “How is it you two _fucking cretins_ are seriously _dumb enough_ to think _that old girl_ settled for that useless man? Ha!”

“Told us in her letter it was.” The way Monagan’s mouth curled up after John said it, he’ll never forget how sick the sight made him.

“My _darling_ sister didn’t take _the rapture_ too well.” Monaghan laughed, lighting another cigarette. “That _lost little sheep_ would _wander off_ until we managed to herd her. She didn’t _know_ who that child’s father was. Sent out _plenty_ of letters.”

John clenched his fists, watching the crocodile tears pool in the vultures eyes. Watching Alex fall for it and pat his shoulder behind him. Her other hand holding the cross she wore around her neck.

From the day he met her to the day Bridges took Alex away with Cassidy still asleep in her womb, Alex kept her faith. John had tried but he could never share her beliefs, only try and keep people from using them to take advantage of her.

“Spare us the waterworks, Alex did you find-”

“He’s telling the truth.”

“What?”

“I can only _thank the lord_ for being _so merciful_ as to end the poor girl’s life before she could see her _precious child_ was a _still born!”_ The vulture wipes away his fake tears.

“Alex, did you try-”

“Nothing, John. I’m sorry… I wasted our time.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“ _Yes_ you fucking did! Mine too!” Monaghan grabbed Alex by the collar and tossed her into John out the door. “Now Snow White! Take your dwarf and _GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!”_

“Would you keep it down! Shut your damn mouth before you attract them!” John helped Alex up, she rubbed her head. DOOMs did her no favors, in fact it’s what did her in. Gave her bad seizures.

“Let ‘em come! Ain’t _nothing else_ out there!” He smashed the door shut. “ _Ain’t nothing out there!”_

* * *

“Ain’t… Nothing out there...”

The rusty old bell of the rotting schoolhouse rang out in time with the chiming of church bells from the burnt chapel that stood atop the hill behind it. Dirty fingernails dug into the moldy door frame of the schoolhouse and a lumbering figure pulls himself through the doorway.

Higgs would recognize him anywhere.

“Daddy!”

That is why this beach felt so familiar, it belonged to his daddy. Sure as all hell that was him, ain’t no mistaking it. Towering at only two inches away from being seven feet tall, greasy long blond hair tied up, and a beard that put even Johnny Boy’s to shame. Higgs’ daddy dragged himself across the long grass with heavy footsteps and his back bent like something was pushing him down into the dirt below him. His body dyed in the same cold monochrome as the beach.

“Daddy! Can you hear me?!” Higgs ran over to him, suddenly skidding to a stop. He spotted what was holding his daddy down and making him drag his feet and arch his back under their weight. Four black figures crowded around his daddy, shifting between floating black powder and moving statues made of fat sticky lumps of tar.

Two feeble looking _sludge babies_ cried and screamed. One in the old backpack on his daddy’s back spit up and puked bubbling black muck. The other clung to his shirt and sobbed, sifting back and forth between the clingy infant and the silhouette of a man wearing headphones and a cap.

“I made… I-I fucked up! I… Shouldn’t of left! I shouldn’t of ever...” The man in the headphones cries, his sobs distorting back into a baby’s cries as he now clung to his daddy’s beat up old jacket as an infant.

“Never seen… You before… Retarded fuckin’… Puked up all over...”

“Daddy!” The inky little hand of the child stained his daddy’s fingers as he pulled him along by the hand. The child’s hair a long bubbling waterfall of tar over his face that reached his knees. “C-C-Ca-Can we g-g-get pizza?”

“No… Let you starve...”

“I fucked up! I can’t survive out here! Daddy!”

“Shut up...”

“You were right!”

“I’m… Always right...”

“Da-Da-Daddy It hurts! I-I’m scared!”

“Stop stutterin’…Stupid fucking thing...”

“I l-l-love y-you! Daddy!”

“Your pain? Your pain?” A teenager with short and unevenly cut hair chants over and over, twisting and stabbing a knife into his daddy again and again.

“Got no… Clue.. Don’t know… The things I went through… For you...”

“What is this?!” Higgs takes a step back. “WHAT THE _FUCK_ IS _THIS?!_ ”

“Your uncle.” Bridget answers, standing in front of the burnt church on the hill his daddy tried so desperately to climb.

“No _fucking shit,_ Bridget!” Higgs barks at her. “Daddy!”

“D-Da-Daddy!”  
  
“Shut up...”

“Da Da!”

“Shut up!”

“Daddy! I fucked up! Daddy!!”

“Shut the fuck up! Fucking queer! Stupid faggot!”

“Your pain?!”

“Daddy! It’s _me!_ Higgs!” Higgs ran out in front of him, the figures vaporize into black smoke. His daddy’s body felt ice cold and heavy as he yanked his daddy away from the hill. “ _The real_ Higgs! You _stupid asshole!_ You have to be able to tell that I’m-”

“Shut… You… You?! Who are you?!” His daddy’s eyes went wide. The black smoke pools around him and morphs back into four dripping figures. Staring at straight into Higgs with dusty gold eyes and vanish into thin air.

Something growls.

It roars a mighty, throaty roar that vibrates the ground below them. That something grabs Higgs by the nap the neck and drags him on his stomach away from his daddy. Away from Bridget and the burnt down church and the sound of it’s bell ringing wildly along side the one at the schoolhouse.

“Wait!” Daddy is getting further and further away. Higgs can see him, walking down the hill. Away from the town and towards the ocean. “Wait you _fucking bastard!_ ”

That something stops, a familiar crushing weight rests on top of Higgs and the wet sound of something wet and slick springing from what Higgs can only hope is is the invisible monster’s mouth. Higgs squeezes his eyes shut and a sticky tentacle coils around his waist and turns him on back. The tentacle licks down his face, smearing it with chiral tar.

“Convoy…?” Higgs opens his eyes, the beast visible to him now.

Mighty and dripping with black tar. Limp tentacle dangling out of the _puckered hole_ that contracted as it roared. Framed on both sides with the beautiful golden chiralium mask he used to summon him!

Repugnant and beautiful!  
His giant catcher BT!

“Convoy!!” Higgs squeezed the lion tight up against him.

Convoy purrs, the vibration soaking his master with warm black slime while he cuddles his belly.

“Convoy?” Bridget helps Higgs stand up, the tar never seems to so much as ever touch her. “You never told me you gave it a name.”

“Don’t act like you _would of actually_ cared.” Higgs hugs Convoy, sinking into the tar.

“Is it from a book? I remember you like to read.” Bridge pets Convoy. He thrashes his head and hisses.

“Good boy!” Higgs swims up into the tar and on to Convoy’s back, he hugs around the lion’s big neck. “Convoy ain’t from any book.”

The catchers full name was Lio Convoy.

After… Well, it’s after a _Transformer_ Higgs liked.

 _Don’t look at him!  
_ Maria was the one into all that shit!  
Higgs isn’t even sure if Lio Convoy was a _Transformer_ or some other useless old brand of toy!

“Hey there!” Convoy growls again, springing over to the ocean with Higgs on his back and Bridget running behind them. “Trying to have a conversation here! Stupid cat! Where are you going?!”

“To the ocean.” Bridget materializes in front of them, pointing as she likes to do. “Look, Higgs.”

Higgs carefully steps off of Convoy who is laying there, watching the ocean. He nuzzles his lion, feeling his heart pound in his chest watching his daddy sinking deeper into the water with each step.

“What the fuck is daddy doing?”

“Moving on.”

“Bridget, I ain’t got _a single fucking clue_ how you could _even think_ I’d want to see any of this shit.”

“What do you want, Higgs?”

“You _know_ what I want!” Higgs jumps back on Convoy and circles around Bridget.

“I give you and Sam my blessings.” Bridget laughs a little.

“Fuck off! Make me a fucking _god_ again!”

“No.” _So this is how it feels to get scolded by your mother._

“Well fuck! Take me some place _nice_ then!”

“Such as?”

“Forgot my daddy! Take me to see Cliff!”

“Cliff? Clifford Unger?” Bridget turns to Higgs. “Sam… Told you about him?”

“Don’t you fucking listen? _My_ _husband_ _told me everything_.”

“I… See.” Bridget looks away. “Cliff has likely moved on.”

“ _Sounds_ like you _don’t know_ for sure.” Higgs smiles. “How about you bring ol’ Clifford back?”

“Higgs, you never met him.”

“That’s the problem!” Higgs whines. He looks over to the ocean, he can’t see his daddy anymore.

“Higgs, there is something I can do for you.” Bridget smiles.

Higgs doesn’t like her smiling at all.

Those bells at it again, ringing one after the other.

Underneath him, Convoy disappears. Something like gunpowder fills Higgs’ lungs and he falls down into the beach, between the grains of sand and into the ocean. Fish float by his head breaking apart into wiggling masses of muscles and bones swimming the air. His own hands, bare bones and muscles. The gunpowder crawls out of his throat and leaks out of his nose.

Falling and falling.

Daddy’s beach is breaking apart.

* * *

It looks like any other pizza.

Dorothy lifts the box up higher, it still looks normal. Maybe instead of tomato sauce it’s blood? She takes out another pork bun from her lunchbox Misses Meyer brought over and bites into it like an apple. Leaning in closer as she looks the pizza over.

“Dude. What fuck are you doing?” Finn shuts the pizza box.

Dorothy lets out a startled squeak, dropping her pork bun. Finn rolls his eyes and wipes the mess off the leg of her overalls with a napkin while she picks the pork bun up and pokes the rest into her mouth.  
  
“’on’t ‘wear!”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full.” Finn snaps his fingers in front of Lou.

“Shwit! Fwuck! Bwastard!” Lou gleefully recites on cue.

“We can swear as much as we fucking want to!” Finn crosses his arms. “...Bitch.”  
  
“Bwitch!”

“Not if we get caught.” Dorothy takes a big drink of pink lemonade from her thermos.

“Then don’t get caught.” Finn takes his own lunch out of the bag and then puts Lou’s in front of her. “If you start choking we’ll get caught.”

“I won’t choke!” Dorothy eyes the pizza box again. “Do you think the sauce is blood?”

“I think you’re stupid.”

“Cwunt!”

“I’m not stupid! Your cousin is a vampire!” Dorothy splashes her drink on herself. Finn sighs again and wipes the top of her overalls clean.

“You’re such a baby.” Finn starts feeding Lou her baked potato. “Call him my uncle.”

“Not a baby ether…” Dorothy pretends to feed her toy lion. “Isn’t he your cousin?”

“Yeah but… Wouldn’t it be cool if he was my uncle instead?” Finn hands Lou her milk.

“Twiddyjwuice!”

“Nice one Lou!” Finn takes his sandwich out and starts eating it, his face scrunching up with each bite.

“Don’t you hate goat cheese?” Dorothy finishes her last pork bun.

“No. It’s fine… I asked for the same thing they made for Sam...”

“You can’t marry Sam if he’s your aunt.”

“I’m not fucking gay! And he’s my uncle too.” Finn huffs. “Not my aunt.”

“Awsshole!”

“You can’t marry your uncle ether!”

“The only one who wants to marry Sam is you!”

“Yeah!” Dorothy blushes and hugs her lion. “Because the stupid vampire took him...”

“No because he’s like 60 years old and taken, dumbass.” Finn stuffs the sandwich into the garbage bag and switches to eating his french fries. “Why the fuck do you think Higgs is a vampire, again?”

“Because! I sa-”

“Cwervwix!”

“...What the hell is a cervix?”

“Probably some kind of special vampire organ.” Dorothy opens Lou’s pudding and holds it out to her. Finn grabs the spoon and starts feeding it to Lou.

“Vampires don’t have special organs. You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Finn cleans up Lou’s face and starts picking up around the blanket.

“I know all about vampires!” Dorothy closes her lunchbox and puts it in her basket, scared Finn is going to throw it out. “They only go out at night because they burn up in the sun.”

“Is it night time right now?” Finn pours some more milk into Lou’s sippy cup and hands it to her.

“No… But he always wears that big hood!” Dorothy puts her own hood up to demonstrate. “Finn, I’ve only seen mister Higgs twice and the first time he was out in the sun without a hood and his face was totally red and all wet like he was melting!”

“Uh-huh.” Finn drinks his own soda. “I’ll believe that when I fucking see it.”

“I’m telling the truth! Sam and him were going for a walk and me and my dad-”

“Was Sam holding his hand?”

“Yeah...”

“If Sam held your hand, what would your face do?”

Dorothy thinks about going for a walk with Sam with him holding her hand. She blushes and pulls her hood down over her face in embarrassment.

“Case closed.” Finn snorts.

“Explain this!” Dorothy jumps up. “The second time I saw Higgs he was BITING Sam!”

“Uh…”

“Right on the neck!”

“You should ask your parents about that!”

“Why? Are they vampires too?” Dorothy looks around.  
  
“No idiot! It’s... It’s uh... Fuck. How old are you? Nine? Forget about it.”

“Thirteen.”

“Wait, what the fuck?” Finn stands up, looking down at Dorothy. “You’re fucking thirteen? You’re a midget! Why do you act like… Like a fucking kid!”

“I am a kid!” Dorothy puffs her cheeks out.

“You’re a teenager!” Finns grabs the pizza box and shoves it into Dorothy’s arms. “Act like one! Go give the vampire his lunch!”

“N-N-No way!”  
  
“Chicken?” Finn walks over to the greenhouse and opens the door. “He’s my uncle, it’s cool. He won’t kill you out of respect for his awesome nephew!”

“He’s your cousin.” Dorothy stares into the dark empty greenhouse. She takes a deep breath and marches inside. “And you suck!”

Finn closes the door, Dorothy stares at the door across from her to the basement. She takes one slow step forward and then another. Wishing she had her lion with her.

Something small and black runs up from the basement in front of her and Dorothy almost drops the pizza. It’s…

“Who’s there?” Mister Moore calls out from at the bottom of the stairs. The tiny black thing runs back down to the basement.

“D-Dorothy! I- I got Mister Higgs’ lunch!”

“Bless you, girl.” Finn’s dad runs up the stairs and pats her on the head. He takes the pizza box and heads back downstairs. “Go help with Finn with Lou!”

“I am!” Dorothy runs back out the greenhouse. Finn and Lou look at her.

“What’s with the shit eating grin?”

“Higgs has a lion cub!”

Finn grabs Dorothy’s stuffed lion out from her basket and bops her on the head with it.

* * *

Higgs stares at the baby doll floating in the river.

 _Higgs…?_ The little boy thinks. _That sounds so cool._

He decides his name is Higgs from now on. It is so much better than the stupid girl name daddy gave him. No, that’s mean. Daddy didn’t know that Higgs is actually a boy. He wouldn’t of given him a girl name if he knew, right? Daddy will be happy that Higgs made up a new name all by himself, he might even be proud of him!

Higgs just had to figure out a good way to tell daddy that wouldn’t make him angry.

Carefully, Higgs sat down by the river and took the baby doll out of the black water. He isn’t sure it actually is water. Some of his long hair dips into it by accident and it stains his yellow shirt when he frantically pulls his hair out of the sticky substance.

The doll looks really dirty, somebody busted up its head.

“It’s OK.” The boy smiles, patting the doll on it’s head. “I’m r-r-re-really dirty t-too.”

“BB.” _Who is that_? The man behind Higgs looks older than daddy. His face is covered in the weird gooey black water from the river. “You need to be careful.”

Daddy said it is just the two of them so… Who is that? He looks so much cooler than him so… He must be the real Higgs?

 _No._ The porter thinks. _I’m Higgs._

Picked that name himself years ago after the great _Peter Ware Higgs_ and just the other day he saw a delivery listed for somebody named _Englert._ Higgs _absolutely_ _had_ to meet him, or her, don’t matter. What _matters_ is that his is _destiny_ at work. Clear as day.

What isn’t clear as day, or at all in fact, is what that guy in front of him is saying. Higgs takes his headphones off.

“I will get you a nice toy to play with, BB.”

Higgs reaches for the busted up baby doll and holds his hand against its. His hands are so much smaller than its hands.

“BB, come here.”

The man picks him up, but Higgs wanted to chew on the doll’s leg. His mouth hurts and aches. He really wants to chew. He starts to wail and cry.

“There there.” The man soothes Higgs. He runs his hand through the teenager’s shitty uneven hair cut. The Cosmonaut is finally here and of course Higgs looks like _wet fucking garbage._ Seriously he is _so fucking sexy_ and Higgs is over here with blood caked on his shirt and snot dripping out of his nose.

“I _waited_ _forever_ for you to show up.” Higgs sighs against the man. He is carrying him off somewhere, doesn’t matter where. Daddy is gone now, nothing but a stain on Higgs’ shirt. His body blown to pieces along with Higgs. Wherever this is, it doesn’t matter ether. The Cosmonaut is _finally fucking_ real and carrying Higgs off in the _one place_ daddy can never get him.

_Outside._

“I am so sorry, my poor BB.” The Cosomonaut’s smile is tired and soft, just like Higgs always imagined.

 _Wish this pretty fella didn’t remind me of that bastard Sam Porter Bridges._ Higgs, The Particle of God, thinks. _That stupid fuck Sam just has to go and ruin everything, doesn’t he?_

Can’t even enjoy getting picked up, quiet literally, by _a fine piece of ass_ without Sam popping into his brain.

“Daddy is here now.”

“I’ll say!” Higgs kicks his legs up. He gleefully nuzzles his masked face against _daddy number three’s_ absolutely killer jawline. “The _pleasure_ is _all mine_ , daddy!”

“Daddy is... Happy to hear that, BB.” The man flashes Higgs an awkward smile. _Daddy, huh_.

Wait a second…

 _Ain’t that something!_ Higgs, the budding (pun intended) Mycologist thinks. _It’s Clifford Unger! Sam’s dear old daddy!_

“Fucking _finally!”_ Higgs hops out of Cliff’s arms. “I get to meet Sam’s daddy in _the flesh!_ ”

Higgs looks Cliff over, surprised Cliff is shorter than him. Without a doubt the man is somehow even hotter in person but he wasn’t lying back there. He didn’t hold _a candle_ to Sam. Plus his father-in-law _reeks_ of cigarettes. Higgs can’t stand that smell, it reminds him of-

_Daddy. He smells like daddy._

“Sam...” The man kneels in front of Higgs. “Is your name… Sam?”

“No...” Higgs winces when the man brushes the hair away from his face. He expects him to hit him but he takes him into his arms and holds him.

“BB… Are you… My BB?”

“N-No… B-But...” Higgs wants to lie, but this man is so nice to him. He can’t do it. Daddy won’t believe him that there is another person besides them if he goes away. Higgs really doesn’t want this man to let him go. Daddy is never this nice.

“Where… Is… BB?”

“I-I dunno.” Higgs braces for the man to hit him. “I-I’m sorry.”

“What is your name?” The man doesn’t hit him, he simply moves Higgs’ hair out of his face again. He starts carrying them over to a big tower. This place is so loud. So loud. Things booming and banging like lightning and thunder. Foot steps of people running by but Higgs can’t see them.

“H-Higgs is wh-what… I want my name t-to be.”

“What you want it to be?”

Higgs nods.

“You have to tell me what your name really is.”

“H-How come?” Higgs stares at a big rotting fish across the way.

“It will help me to help you find your way home.”

“Th-This isn’t home?” Higgs doesn’t understand, there isn’t anything left but home. There isn’t suppose to be anybody but him and his daddy.

“No. This place is very dangerous.”

“I.. I d-don’t get it but…” Higgs hides his face in the man’s chest. There is a man without any skin or muscles walking by them. “You! Y-You gotta t-tell me your name first!” Higgs sobs.

“Ah… No he is my friend.” The man strokes down Higgs back. Higgs pokes his head up and looks at the monster, his head is only a skull. It reminds Higgs of his favorite toy. “He is a hero.”

Higgs nods, the hero nods back.

It makes Higgs smile. Four people now counting him and daddy.

“My name is Clifford.” Mr. Clifford sits down and places Higgs on his knee. “Like the dog. Do you read those books?”

They’re inside the big tower now.  
What is it…?  
Is it a castle?

“N-No. I like… Alice in Wonderland.” Higgs blushes. It’s embarrassing, he wishes he knew the book Mr. Clifford is talking about. “A-And I got a book all ab-about um… Mushrooms.”

“Oh? You are very smart for your age.”

“R-Re-Really? Th-Then I can help you… find BB.”

Who is BB?  
Could there really be a fifth person?  
Higgs doesn’t want go back to daddy no matter what.

He’s a liar.

“Can you? That is kind of you.” Mr. Clifford gently ran his fingers through Higgs’ long dirty hair and began to untangle it the best he could. It hurts a little… But it mostly feels really nice. “After we find my BB, we will help get you home.”

“Y-Yeah!”

If they don’t find BB maybe he could stay with Mr. Clifford forever.  
It gives Higgs an idea.

Higgs will find BB first and throw them into the dirty river.  
That way he could live with Mr. Clifford forever in the big broken castle.  
It would be his secret.

Like daddy, Higgs is a liar too.

“Thank you, do you think you can tell me your name now?”

“I… I d-don’t like it.”

“Why not? Do the other kids pick on you because of your name?” Other… Kids? Is BB a kid too…?

“It’s a… It’s a girls name an-and I’m a boy!”

“Ah, that’s no good.” Mr. Clifford pats Higgs’ head. “I am sorry for asking.”

“D-Do y-you really mean t-th-that?”

“I do.” Mr. Clifford nods. “Do you know your last name? That should be enough for me to help you.”

“Monaghan.” The gawky teenage boy standing behind the bench answers. That ain’t right, no man should be forced to have to see himself as a teenager again. That little snot sitting in Cliff’s lap looking like living hairball is bad enough. Isn’t somebody going to wake Higgs up? Gotta be dream seeing how Sam’s daddy hasn’t found his BB and all.

Two long bony arms are draping around Cliff’s neck now, reckon his idiot teenage self has gone and mistook the poor man for The Cosmonaut.

How embarrassing.

More embarrassing is seeing himself in his early 20’s, looking like _a fucking tool_ in that _stupid_ porter uniform, believing the same thing. Happily nuzzled against Cliff on the opposite side of where Higgs sat and tapping his finger in time against his headphones with whatever Amusement Parks on Fire song he had decided to loop that day.

Higgs stands up.

First things first, that hormonal mess lost in his own little world just withdrew one of his arms and Higgs knows _exactly_ where it is going.

“Hold on there, cowboy.” Higgs grabs his teenage doppelganger by the back of his shirt and pries him off of Cliff. “Believe that’s called _sexual harassment!_ ”

“FUCK you!”

“N-No cussin’!” The little hairball shouts. Cliff pats his head.

“Ain’t that _all_ you _ever_ do?” Higgs whispers, smiling and letting go of… Well, Higgs.

“What?”

Higgs holds up three fingers and thrust them into the air. The familiar motion turns the teenager’s face red as a ripe tomato.

Now for the second thing, the porter sitting next to Cliff is rolling up his balaclava past his lips. Higgs grabs his heads phones and yanks them off, the song that day had been _Vensosa_.

“Can I _help_ you?” Higgs pushes the porter off the bench. “The hell!”

His teenage and child selves laugh at him in unison. Cliff tsks them, making the little hairball look down in shame. The teenager hops over the bench and steals the porter’s spot next to Cliff.

“Can’t tell _a solider boy_ and _a space boy_ apart?” Higgs tosses the headphones to his younger himself and sits back down on the bench.

“I ain’t _got a clue_ what you’re goin’ about it.” Porter Higgs pulls his balaclava down his blushing face. He turns his headphones off and rests them around his neck.

“You are all Higgs Monaghan?” Cliff asks.

“ _Wouldn’t say that_.” The man in the golden mask materializes between Higgs and Cliff, holding a baby by the collar and dropping it on his lap. The Mycologist and The Particle of God cross and uncross their legs in unison as the baby crawls over to Cliff. “Never seen any of these _impostors_ before.”

Cliff watches the infant with side, sad eyes. The little hairball scoops the baby up into his arms and hugs it.

“That’s _a_ _Higgs Monaghan_ too.” Higgs feels like shit telling him it, but he has to. “Not your BB.”

“ _I_ am Higgs Monaghan.” Higgs (the ex-terrorist) reaches into one of Higgs’ (the current terrorist leader) grenade pouches and pulls out _a certain something_ while he’s busy introducing himself. “The _Particle of God_ that-”

Higgs holds it up. Small, oval shaped, and made of white silicone.

“P-Pay no mind to this _false icon_ an-and his s-simple little _slight of hand!_ ”

“What is it?” Cliff asks, starting to braid the little Higgs’ now untangled hair.

“ _Rotten egg._ ” Higgs proclaims.

“ _Really_ rotten egg.” Porter Higgs straightens his cap.

“ _Nothing_.” The Particle of God grabs the vibrator out of Higgs’ hand and stuffs it back into the grenade pouch. “Not _a damn thing_.”

“ _Please_ , it’s not like he’s going to figure out what it is on his own.” Higgs whispers.

The grenade pouch starts vibrating. The Particle of God, The Porter, and The Mycologist all scream at once.

* * *

The final leaves had started to fall from the trees, sky clear and blue as the picnic table the three of them sat at and Sam was wasting the day sitting here talking about… this.

“Try this one?” Peter hands Sam yet another dust old book.

Sam flips through it, more frilly super complicated stuff.  
Some weird leather gear in this book Sam hadn’t seen in the others.  
None of it does anything for him.

“Sam, I think a teddy would be a good pick for Higgs.” Penny smiles.

Which one is a teddy again?  
All Sam can imagine is Higgs dressed up like bear.

“You think that or George thinks that?”  
  
“Both of us!” Penny giggles a little. “Mostly George.” She passes a plastic folder to Sam. “Because he couldn’t make it he sketched up some idea for you last night.”

“Um, these are no good.” Peter frowns, peeking over Sam’s shoulder at the folder. “It can’t be Mad Hatter themed.”

“Right.” Sam closes the folder. “It should be Chester.”

“Chester?” Peter grabs his book and puts it in his backpack, seeing Sam is already done with it.

“I think Sam means the Cheshire Cat.” Penny grabs her folder as well, switching it for a purple one out of her messenger bang.

“That cat on top of my fridge.”

“Yeah, without a doubt it has to be the Cheshire Cat.” Peter nods. “Boss has said he likes him the most.”

“So you want the Disney colors?” Penny opens her case of colored pencils.

“Disney colors?”

“The Cheshire Cat I made for Higgs is from the Disney version of Alice in Wonderland.”

“He’s magenta and fuchsia!”

Sam looks over to Peter for a translation.

“Pink and Purple.” Peter rolls his eyes.

Penny passes the purple folder over to Sam. This one is full of photocopied illustrations of grinning cats instead of drawings of Higgs in high cut leotards, fancy vests, and corsets. Sam isn’t sure what to think of The Mifunes sometimes, there are sketches of himself in puffy dresses on flipped page resting on the back of Penny’s sketchpad.

“How about this one?” Peter taps his finger against artwork of an emaciated cat with tattoos and a pierced ear. “Boss loves the game that this Ch-”

Sam shakes his head, Peter looks disappointed. Whatever game that is Sam figures Peter is the one who loves it, not Higgs.

“I like this guy.” Sam circles his finger over the Disney version. “Reminds me of my kitchen clock.”

“So you’re into flashy colors Sam?” Penny puts her sketchpad flat on the picnic table and sketches out a skinny figure holding his hands out. She slides the folder over to herself and circles the cat Sam picked out. Penny places it next to her sketchpad for reference and starts picking out colored pencils.

“Into?” Sam asks.

“She means like… Do you get turned on by it.”

“Dude. Give me a break here.”

“Sorry! The thing is...” Penny begins.

“We need to know to do our job here.” With George absent, Peter finishes.

“I was thinking more _your personal business right now is our finical business_.”

“Sorry?”

“You did well Peter!”

“No. I’m not _into_ flashy colors.” Sam takes a long sip of apple cider, wishing he hadn’t given up energy drinks. “All Higgs wears is all black all the time, want to see him in something bright for once. That’s it.”

“I kind of get it.” Peter opens his thermos and fills Sam’s glass.

“Sam you still haven’t told us what style.”

“Which one did you like?” Peter pats his backpack.

“None of ‘em.” Sam shrugs. “Just make a pair of boxers or something.”

“NONE of them?!” Penny stares at Sam like he’s insane.

“It!” Peter cries out, this shit really that serious? “It can’t be just a pair of boxers!”

“Why not?” Sam thinks it might be fun to see if he could get Higgs to wear underwear for once.

* * *

His head hurts.

_How much of that was a dream?_

Higgs opens his eyes.

John, The Herbalist not The President, is staring at Higgs with tears in his eyes when Higgs wakes up. He’s holding a slice of pizza in one hand and a bottle of water in another switching between trying to feed Higgs and trying to get him drink something. Higgs pushes John away, groaning and rubbing his temples. John helps Higgs up to his feet, his hands are cold and clammy with sweat. The basement tilts and whirls under Higgs’ feet. He balances himself against the utility sink, holding his aching head in his hands. The blinding fluorescent lights swinging above him, stale air, smell of fungus, and the whole world swaying and sinking around Higgs is making him sick. Making him think of his daddy.

“You alright?” John asks, patting Higgs’ back.

Something _familiar_ bubbles up Higgs’ throat. All _too familiar_ and _nostalgic_ as hell, Higgs never thought he’d taste it again. Thick chunks of tar suffocate Higgs as they slide down his throat and splash into the sink. Those _fat little fucks_ flout of his mouth making him hack up bile and mucus.

“Holy hell! The fuck is happening?!”

“I… _I died_.” Higgs stares into the sink, hot tears streaking down his face.

“Hell do you… What the hell.”

“What color?”

“What now?”

“What _fucking_ color?!” Higgs points to his face.

“’s black!”

Higgs scoops up a tear from under his eye and licks it. _Mascara and eyeliner._

“Fuck!” Higgs bangs his fists down on the sink.

“Wash your face.” John turns the water on, he cautiously pats Higgs’ back again. Withdrawing his hand when he feels Higgs twitch.

“Go… Go get me something to drink.”

“Got you something already, some food too lad.” John points to the water bottle and pizza box in the corner. “Listen. We-”

“Do I _fucking look like_ I want to fucking _shoot the shit_ right now!?”

“Not… Not at all. I’ll fuck off for a bit.” John backed up and slowly goes up the stairs.

“ _Fucking thank you_.” Higgs runs his head under the tap before splashing his face. He feels his forehead, and then over his eyebrows. “Fuck! Fuck you! Stupid fucking bitch!” He walks over to the corner and scoops up the water bottle, downing it on one gulp. Higgs sits down and rips the top off the pizza box.

_It’s cold._

Higgs slumps up against the wall.

Why didn’t he ask for Sam? He doesn’t need more water or this shitty, soggy, cold ass fucking pizza he needs Sam. This is too much fucking shit at once. If he had died what the fuck happened? Higgs hadn’t been to the seam. Is _that_ what the EE _could do_ for him? _Real fucking great, Bridget!_ It wasn’t _any fucking different_ than just going right to the fucking seam. Higgs reaches for another slice of pizza only to find he’s somehow eaten it all already.

Dream was _nice_ at parts, maybe she influenced? _It ain’t_ _fair,_ how come fucking Deadman got to meet Sam’s daddy but he didn’t? Not that he had anyway of knowing if Cliff was actually that nice. The Mr. Clifford Higgs met in his dream acts _an awful lot_ like Sam. In a way, Higgs reckons that means he’s already met him.

Higgs stands up, grabbing the pizza box and shoving it into the garbage shoot under the utility sink. No way the EE gave him that dream, she didn’t know Higgs long enough to conjure up all those doppelgangers. Higgs looks over for the water bottle but he can’t find it, whatever. Not like it could of got up on it’s own.

Hope Sam is _having fun_ at least. How was Higgs suppose to know all this shit would go down today? That it _would go down period._

Fuck, he’s never needed Sam this bad before.

Higgs wants him around.

Wants Sam by his side.  
To hug, to fuck, to cry up against.  
  
Preferably all at once.  
  
Felt like Higgs’ heart is emptying out on the floor.

In desperate need of distraction, Higgs grabs one of the boxes in front of the basement shelves and rips it open. Inside are the books he ordered, modern encyclopedias of fungi, instructional books on growing both psychedelic and edible mushrooms, picture books, research papers, illustrations of mushrooms, poems about them… anything he could find about mushrooms. Higgs already had a fair amount knowledge when it came to fungi, but he is a bit nervous about _actually growing_ mushrooms. Sure he’s got _one sure fire_ way to grow inky caps but _nobody besides Sam is allowed to eat those._ Higgs can barely even fucking cook, how is he going to grow something? Higgs had sworn Sam to secrecy regarding _the grilled cheese incident._

Higgs lets out a shrill whine, hands on his head. Suddenly, the empty water bottle spins out in front of him and then something warm and tiny rubs against his boot.

“…Convoy?”

The tiny black kitten meows, it’s eyes a starling unnatural gold.

“Convoy!” Higgs lifts the kitten up and nuzzles him. Convoy licks Higgs cheek and Higgs licks his fuzzy cheek back.

Higgs looks up at the ceiling.

“You’re _still_ a stupid old bitch!”

Convoy meows in agreement.

* * *

“You don’t need to know what I’m into.”

Sam knows all about taking hard jobs.  
All about dealing with stubborn clients who refuse to give you an inch.  
But… This is different.

Isn’t it?

“Right now? We uh… Do.”

This is different.  
This wasn’t his idea.

“We won’t tell anybody!” Penny had long since flipped to a new page and started doodling Sam. “Besides, I’m married and Peter is… Peter!”

Sam keeps telling them both again and again to forget about it and head on home.

Higgs is sexy enough on his own, Sam doesn’t need to dress him up. Plus he already likes the stuff Higgs wears. Higgs ether wore some kind of super long baggy shirt with something formfitting under it, or loose fitting pants and a sweatshirt. Always with big boots over his pants, his old hood and only those long socks Higgs liked so much underneath. Sam couldn’t ask for anything more, Higgs ether teasing him at any chance he got or being nice and warm when Sam cuddled up against him. To be fair, it’s because Higgs has Sam pick out his outfits for him every morning. He refused to get dressed if Sam didn’t. His wardrobe didn’t give Sam a lot of options anyway, and Sam didn’t know anything about clothes besides what looks good to him.

Every time they asked Sam what he wants to see Higgs in the answer is the same: nothing.  
Not that Sam could say it out loud.

For real they should just all go home.

“Sam… Just...” Peter starts.

“Work with us here!” Penny finishes, flipping back to the page from before.

Shit.  
This isn’t any different.  
Sam had just turned into the one thing he hates the most.  
Towards his friends who had done so much for him and Lou.  
Over something this damn stupid!

He should… He should just…

Sam takes a deep breath.

“Tummies.” Sam mutters.

“Huh?”

“I like tummies!” Sam grumbles. “Alright?!” Higgs in one of his warm sweatshirts reaching up to grab something for Sam, exposing his stomach. Higgs wearing one of Sam’s shirts, to small for him and ending right over his bellybutton. Higgs pouring wine on his bare belly, lying on their bed and spreading his legs apart. Higgs teasing Sam and drawing a heart over his stomach in eyeliner. Higgs purring at Sam as he washes and kisses Higgs’ stomach in the shower every morning. Higgs… Sam’s face is burning up.

“The way you say ‘tummy’ is so cute!” Penny knocks him out of it.

“...Thanks?”

“Keep going! Boss is counting on me, Sam! Keep going!”

“Keep… Going?”

Penny and Peter nod, they stare up at Sam with utmost curiosity. Sam wishes they’d cut it out.

Sam should of brought beer.

“I’m into… flat tummies and long legs.” Higgs rubbing his legs together in his long, black socks made of silk. Higgs kicking his legs up like a kid every time Sam picked him up. Higgs making Sam wash his legs whenever they took a bath together to tease Sam. Higgs wrapping his legs around Sam’s waist after Sam pinned him down against the kitchen counter. Higgs stretching his legs over his head when they work out in the mornings… Sam really should of brought beer.

“Chubby tummies are so much better but to each their own!” Penny smiles.

“Taller boys too, right?” Peter asks.

“I… Yeah.” Sam rubs the back of his head. “I never cared if it was a boy or a girl but if it was a boy I wanted him to be taller than me.”

“Tall boys are the absolute best...” Peter’s voice trails off.

“George is more picky about boys than girls too.”

“I didn’t say that.” Sam is sure he isn’t picky about ether. He does know he’s got… a particular _thing_ that only applies to guys when it comes to masks.

Shit.

Would he have to tell them about that?  
Higgs can’t find out.

“Imagine if boss… Was even taller…!”

“Peter. Shut the fuck up.”

“You and Higgs are pretty different, huh Sam?”

“I’m sure your meeting with him went much smoother.”

“Boss is focused!” Peter declares proudly. “He knows what he wants and how to get it.”

“It was a nightmare!” Penny laughs and holds her sketchpad up to Sam. She flips page after page of drawings of Sam in different Alice costumes. The notes scrawled out next to them almost entirely in Higgs’ handwriting. He even went so far to scribble out some drawings circle others in giant hearts.

“Did you have to actually draw me wearing this stuff?”

“What do you mean?”

“Couldn’t you have drawn like, a mannequin or something?”

“Boss never told her she had to.”

“Yet you told me I had to draw Higgs out like George does, Peter!”

“You what?” Sam stares at Peter, tilting his head upwards so Peter can see his eyes under his bangs.

“Just! Just to be fair you, Sam!” Peter hides his face in one of his pattern books. “You get photocopies of all the sketches afterwards!”

“Anyway! The night when Higgs finally settled on a design and left, George crowned Higgs the new King of Lewdness.”

“The matriarchy officially ended.” Peter sips from what little is left in his thermos.

“I can still get the title back!”

“Penny.” Sam is confused to say the least. “I asked you something.”

“Oh! Well… The answer is kind of simple. I just like drawing you Sam!” She smiles. “You remind me of Raiden!”

“Raiden?”

Penny excitedly reaches for her messenger bag but Peter stops her.

“We have to focus. Sam, you have to tell us the kind of clothes you’re into… Not just body parts.”

Penny lets out a nervous laugh and starts searching her sketchpad for the page she was using before.

“Never say ‘Raiden’ around Penny or ‘Ocelot’ around George.” Something about Peter’s warning felt ominous.

“And around you?” Sam asks. “Anything I shouldn’t say?”

“Um… Liquid. Or Monsoon.” Peter holds his book up to Sam and points to a sweater cut right above the belly button.

Sam nods in agreement with Peter’s silent question.

“So, Sam?” Penny finds her place in her sketchpad and puts it back down on the picnic table.

“I like baggy clothes. When you only get like, a loose idea of what’s going on underneath.” Sam felt so scummy saying this stuff.

“Sam might just be lewd too!”

“I don’t think so…” Peter puts a marker on the page of his book and closes it. “He probably means a sundress. Sam is boringly wholesome.”

“I’m sitting right here you know.”

Peter and Penny both apologize at once.

“Still Sam, how do you feel about sundresses?”

Sam scratches behind his cropped ear. Him and Higgs in a crowded park. Higgs running around in a sundress and summer hat like it’s the funniest thing in the world, the sun behind Higgs showing the outline of his body through the thin white fabric. Higgs pulling him behind some big far off oak tree and lifting his dress to show Sam he wasn’t wearing anything underneath. Panting about how easily the wind could of exposed him to everyone while that sweet tight pussy of his is dripping between his pale legs. Sam pushing Higgs up against the oak tree and fucking him right there. Or maybe taking Higgs back to the parking lot and fucking Higgs’ hot little pink asshole instead on top of his bike… Turning his bike on and having Higgs’ sit bare skin to hot leather while making his bike vibrate and… Sam clears his throat.

“Sounds alright.”

“Sam do you have a cold?” Penny asks.

Peter puts his hand on Sam’s forehead. “I can’t tell.”

“Don’t worry about.” Sam bats Peter’s hand away. “When it comes to clothes, I do got. I got a thing. When it comes to guys I...”

He shouldn’t tell them this.  
Sam shouldn’t tell anybody this.

“I’m… Really. Really fuckin’ into guys who cover their face. Hoods, motorcycle helmets are gre… Good. Face, Face masks.”

“Baggy clothes, a hood… And a mask.”

“Don’t tell him.”

“… On a guy taller than you.”  
  
“Peter. Do not fucking tell him.”

“That’s so sweet!” Penny claps her hands together. “You were attracted to Higgs right away!”

“I wouldn’t-”

“Your dream boy was your rival!”

Sam isn’t even going to touch that.

“Boss used to tell me about how you would kiss his mask and I was like, so sure he was making it up.”

“Why the hell did he tell you about that?!”

“Did uh...” Peter scoots closer to Sam and whispers into his ear. “Did you really cum just from boss talking in your ear one time?”

“I’m going home.” Sam stands up.

“I didn’t hear a thing!”

“Which means you did.”

“Sam! Let’s make a new hood for boss to wear!”

Sam sits down.

“Make it his normal hood but add uh...” Sam puts his hands up over his head.

“Bow? Boss said he won’t wear a bow on his head.”

“No ears.” Sam folds and unfolds his fingers. “That stick up on the top of his hood.”

“Cat ears?!” Penny suddenly shouts, startling Sam.

“Ain’t he suppose to be a cat?”

“Cat ears!”

“Huh?”

“Sam are-” Peter begins.

“Am I what? I thought it’d be cute! I use to have this otter hood...” Sam interrupts.

“-You an otaku too?” Penny finishes.

“What? What is that?”

“Don’t worry about it! Boss with cat ears!”

“Sam! You’re on a roll!”

“… I am?” Sam doesn’t feel like he’s on a roll. Sam feels more mortified than anything, this whole conversation is… It’s awful.

“You are! You are!” Penny chants.

“Sam! What do you want to see around Boss’ long, long, super long legs!”

“While a hood covers his face!”

“I want him naked.”Sam blurts out, instantly covering his mouth after.

He wants Higgs in his hood and only his hood.  
Don’t matter if it’s the new one with cat ears or his usual one.  
With that black writing on his body he used to do…  
...And the heart drawn around his stomach.

“If… If uh boss has to wear clothes.”

“I- I don’t know what this shit is called.” It takes every inch of willpower inside of Sam to not bang his own head against the table. “Those pants people wear when they do yoga!”

“Yoga pants, they’re literally called yoga pants.”

“But they’re just leggings, aren’t they?” Penny asks.

“No. It’s different.” Sam has never in his entire life been more ashamed to know something.

“Believe it or not, he’s right.”

“Do you like workout clothes?” Penny asks over the sound of her colored pencils against the page.

The amount of images of Higgs that flood into Sam’s head at once upon hearing the words “workout clothes” would take years to document.

“I guess?” Sam lies.

“Should the top be a baggy sweatshirt?”

“Earlier, Sam said he likes this crop top. Well… He didn’t say it but uh...” Peter holds up his book.

“Like. Some kind of vest with nothing under it.”

Most of George’s sketches of Higgs had a vest and Sam has to admit it looked good. Probably wouldn’t go with the yoga pants, Higgs will get annoyed at that without a doubt. Which is always so fuckin’ adorable to see… What the hell is he doing? Seriously.

“Exposed armpits...” Peter almost drops his book. “Boss with exposed armpits!”

“The fuck is with terrorists and armpits?!”

“Sam! Does Higgs do things to your armpits?!”

“Penny! What the fuck!”

“I… I am so sorry! If it makes you feel better George and I-”

“Don’t need to know! MULEs like armpits too! I got it!”

“Boss’ exposed armpits!!”

“Forget the fuckin’ vest!” Sam grabs the book out of Peter’s shaking hands and holds it up to penny. “Do the sweater thing!”

Penny nods and starts drawing, Sam puts the book down in front of her so she can use it for a reference. He looks over to Peter.

“Listen. You-”

“Sam. Do not get distracted.”

“What? George?”

How long has he been standing there behind him? George is standing perfectly still holding a fabric bag. Sam can’t remember ever seeing him look so serious before. He’s… He’s kind of scary.

“Hey George! Good afternoon!” Peter turns around and waves at his friend.

“Hello!” George's face instantly softens, waving back. “Greta and I made some lunch for you all!”

Never mind, he isn’t scary at all.

“Thank you!” Peter flashes a big smile at George as he puts the bag down on picnic table. “It smells great.”

“I’ll say.” Sam gives him a smile too, turning back around to inspect the food George brought along with Peter.  
  
“Sam.” No way, he’s super serious again. That sudden shift is unreal. Penny and her husband took this shit way too seriously, even Peter looks like he’s trying his very best to not burst out laughing at them. What had Higgs put them through that Penny of all people would describe it as a nightmare?

“I’m focused, dude. I’m focused.”

Penny places her pencil down.

“Pay attention Sam.” George adjusts his glasses. “This is-”

They’re way too over-dramatic too.

“-The climax!” Penny flips her sketchpad around and holds it up to Sam.

_It’s…_

Sam’s nostrils flare.

_...So cute!_

“No fuckin’ way Higgs is going to wear this!”

“Sam. Something is missing. Is it not?”

Sam starts sweating.

“Is there anything else?”

Anything… Else…

Sam gulps.

“Give him a choker.”

“Whoa!” Penny quickly grabs a pencil.

“Make it look like a dog collar.”

“Double whoa!”

“ _Subarashii!”_

“Sam!” Peter nearly chokes on a beef fritter. “You can’t!” He stands up, pointing to Sam. “Boss will kill me!”

“Peter!” Sam stands up and points back at him. “Fucking asshole! You’re lucky I don’t fuckin’ kill you!”

Peter mouths the word incinerator and starts shivering. “Help...”

George and Penny are too busy happily sharing a shepherd’s pie together in martial bliss.

“I want a _fuckin’ lea_ _sh_ _too!”_

George grabs one of Penny’s pencils and eagerly draws it for her as she happily feeds her husband.

“Y-Yes, Sam!” Peter suddenly salutes him.

“Leather. Do you understand. I want it in _black fuckin’ leather.”_ Sam taps his finger against picnic table. “Need it to match the rest of his wardrobe because I’m thinkin’ Higgs should be _wearing this shit around his_ _n_ _eck for the rest of his life._ ”

“Yes, Sir!”

“And I- And I fuckin’ want-” Sam sits down. He takes one of Peter’s beef fritters and eats it. Sam stared down at the picnic table and feels his ears turning red. “That’s right. Peter, could you make a normal apron? Nothing frilly or weird. Just for housework. Lost mine.”

“Um...” Peter sits down next to Sam and George and eats fritter as well. “Yes I can.”

“Thanks dude.”

“These are good...”

“Yeah.”

“Both of you are letting the dipping sauce I made got to waste.” George pushes up his glasses.

“Let’s call it a day!” Penny closes her sketchpad.

“Sam appears to be much easier to work with than Higgs.”

“I’d say so!”

“Higgs is-”

“-Too lewd for his own good.”

“One more thing Peter.” Peter passes Sam his own lunch. One of those fancy sandwiches Gretchen always makes for him with goat cheese and french fries. “Higgs is going to need one of those fake oxygen helmets too.”

“I know sir, it’s almost done.”

“Peter do fucking not start calling me sir.” Sam takes a handful of french friends drops them onto Peter’s tray to make up for eating some of his fritters. “I need you to make an addition to it.”

“Addition? What do you mean?”

“Don’t worry. Should be easy.”

* * *

“Faster, Convoy! _Kill! Kill!_ ”

The tiny kitten is chasing down the last cryptobiote Higgs had hurled up earlier. Bouncing from wall to to wall and over the basement shelves chasing the fat little grub. Higgs unpacks the final book out of the delivery box and Convoy jumps inside of it after the cryptobiote. He closes the box and holds it steady. Higgs opens it back up and Convoy meows at him happily, the cryptobiote dead in his mouth.

Higgs is _absolutely jealous_ as he watches Convoy chew up the cryptobiote. He wants to chew on Sam’s shoulder or maybe one of the muscles of Sam’s legs. Higgs skims through the book he is holding, a decade old study on medical benefits of otherwise poisonous mushrooms located in the northeast. Higgs would read through this, and the other books, proper when he felt better. When he saw Sam again. For now, Higgs placed it atop another book on the basement shelf he is using as a temporary bookshelf. An interesting but overall questionable book about the risks and rewards of using psychedelic mushrooms in pursuit of religious enlightenment.

 _Should he grow shrooms?_ The concept is humorous and Higgs is sure there must be a _high_ demand out there somewhere. Higgs himself has yet to ever dabble in any kind of drug, psychedelic or not. The chiralium poison among his boys had scared Higgs away from the idea. Just like his _dear old daddy_ , Higgs stuck to the bottle.

_His daddy…_

Where is Johnny Boy? Higgs’ powers of foreshadowing and knack for coincidences never failed to annoy and hinder Higgs before. Somebody is going to ask Higgs about his daddy, and Higgs reckons it’s going to be Mr. John Moore. Better than Mr. John Blake McClane.

If Higgs _had a dollar for every asshole named John that boggled his life down with bullshit he couldn’t give half a fuck about!_ Higgs would have… Exactly two dollars and Mr. McClane isn’t bothering Higgs much these days now that he thought Higgs was dead.

If John Moore is going to bring up Higgs’ daddy, Higgs wants Sam here with him. What stupid little task to send Sam on. Higgs knew the results already, for sure: Black thigh highs, crotchless panties, and a big black sweatshirt. He should scheduled it so he could hear Sam awkwardly describe his boring lingerie himself but Higgs had so badly to show Sam that he cared about Lou and that he could take care of her.

That empty heart of his that leaked onto the basement floor, it’s like a hole now. Gnawing and empty.

Look _where_ that got him. Lou is off with the other local brats and Higgs cracked his head open. Higgs didn’t feel any different from a cryptobiote, a floating little bastard that runs from everything. He sits down on the stairs, patting his knee. Convoy jumps into Higgs lap and curls up. Higgs strokes down his little back, smiling hearing him purr.

“Where you get him?” _There is Mr. Moore._ “Never seen that breed before.”

“Think I _threw him up_ earlier.”

“You serious?!”

“Johnny boy, _what_ do _you_ think?” Higgs snickers, petting Convoy again.

“Seen a lot of shit today.” John sits next to Higgs on the stairs. He hands Higgs another water bottle and Higgs opens it. “Up to talk?”

“ _I’m up_ to _get it over with_.” Higgs chugs the water and tosses the empty plastic bottle into the a dark corner of his basement. “So _spit it out_ , would you?”

“Monaghan your real surname?”

“Yes, John, it is.”

“I know your uncle.”

Of course, of course it is _exactly_ what Higgs thought it would be.

“And _I know your uncle._ Ain’t that _just lovely_ we all _know_ each other.” Higgs looks over to John, he’s staring down at his shoes.

“He ever mention a woman by the name of Alex?”

“Never mentioned _anyone_ by _any name_.” Higgs is starting to feel sick, he closes his eyes and all he can see is his daddy dragging himself along the beach.

“Fucking bastard.”

“Tell me about it.” Higgs stands up, Convoy hops out of his lap and runs over to play with the new empty plastic bottle. The last one long since thrown away for whatever asshole to sort for recycling.

“Never met a bigger bastard in my life.” John is right, but Higgs doesn’t like hearing it.

His brain spits out that his daddy _tried_.  
He _tried as hard as he could._  
That _he wasn’t that bad_.

“Not even _me?_ I’m hurt.” Higgs rips a box open, he needs to tear something apart. All that is inside is some spore bags.

“Judged you too fast.” John shakes his head.

“Find out I got a couple of shiners and now I’m just _a little old innocent victim of circumstances?_ ” Higgs tares open another box, cold air hits his face when he does. Labeled cultures and syringes. Well shit. Thought these would show up tomorrow. Higgs grabs the box and drags it over to one of the two fridges under the stairs. “Help me. I ain’t done talking.”

“Don’t think anything like that.” John nods, he walks over to the Higgs and helps him store the mushroom cultures. “Know the things you’ve done, know he beat that nature into you. Still your nature.”

“Nobody _beat anything_ into me.” Higgs goes over to the boxes and checks again for any cultures delivered that morning. If he let any sit overnight they’d go bad. Higgs finds two more boxes and drags them over to the fridge. Opening them both at once.

“Think what you want.” John makes quick work, he isn’t as out of shape as Higgs thought. “About to tell you the things I’ve done but I’m beating around the bush.”

Higgs put the last of the cultures into the second fridge and slammed the door to it shut. He decides to pass on the chance of replying with _wish I had Sam here beating around my bush instead_ and simply taps his foot on the basement floor impatiently.

“Alex is your aunt.”

“Shut the fuck up.” That is _stupid._

“Your father was her brother.” John is looking Higgs right in the eye. _He fucking believes this shit._ “Took me all these years to figure out how he hid you, I know what that bastard did now. You’re like Sam. You come back. He had you shoved in his backpack. Knew it was weird he had worn one that day.”

“Did you not hear me?” Higgs walks away from him, grabbing the boxes and flattening them for disposal. He’d like to flatten John’s head next and then his own. _“Shut the fuck up.”_

Whatever this stupid shit with his daddy wearing a backpack and how John had figured it out Higgs _didn’t want_ to understand it. Not when it sounded to him like John is suggesting that at some point _Higgs’ daddy had cracked his little neck when Higgs was a baby and shoved him in a backpack to hide him._

Why in the fuck would he tell him that?

It’s as bad as Bridget taking Higgs to his daddy’s fucking beach.  
This something with their generation, or what?

“Hear me out here.”

“No. Fuck off.”

“My boy got that same seahorse ear you do.” John points to his own, _normal_ ear. “Both Alex and her brother had ‘em too.” _Seahorse ear?_ Does he _have_ to call it that?

“Fuck does that prove? Kid has a fucked ear, _so what._ ”

“Finn, his name is Finn. Thinks the world of you and Sam.”

“What do I fucking care!” All the means is Finn is smart, the only things in this world that matter are in fact him and Sam. Oh, and Lou. Convoy also.

“That far fetched?”

“Yes. John this is _the stupidest shit I have ever heard_.” Higgs stomps his foot. “You want me to be _nice_ to _your fucking kid_? Fine! Long as you _never bring up your stupid little theory ever a-fucking-gain!”_

“Not like I couldn’t tell you.”

“You absolutely could _not_ tell me.” Higgs groans.

“Had to tell you! How could I not tell you when the only family you have is that bastard who-”

“ _Was!_ That bastard _was!”_ Higgs yells, making John take a step back.

“He croak?”

“I fucking killed him!”

“Good lad!”

“What is _fucking wrong_ with you?!” Higgs screeches. “You’re getting on my nerves!”

“Higgs, it’s alright.” John walks up to Higgs with open arms.

_Are you serious?_

“No.”

“I tried.” John grabs the boxes and puts them into the garbage shoot for Higgs.

“Johnny boy, if you hugged me have you considered exactly _where_ your head would end up?” Higgs snarks, pointing downwards.

“Not that short.” John rolls his eyes.

“Yes you are _that short!_ Ridiculous, how could you be _my uncle_ when you are _so, so much shorter than me?”_

John makes a weird face, like he’s wondering if Higgs is being serious or not.

Higgs groans again.

“It’s a joke.”

“I know.”

“No you didn’t you fucking _l_ _awn gnome.”_

“What should I tell Finn, then?”

“ _What should_ …? That I’m _not_ his fucking cousin you-”

“Uncle Higgs!”

Higgs bites his arm and screams against it. John cracks up.  
 _Don’t think I didn’t hear that!_

“Sam is here!” Finn is smiling in the door way, Lou bouncing in her harness strapped to the teenager’s chest and a little girl peaking out from behind him.

“Sam!” Higgs puts his hood up.

_Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam!_

After hearing Sam’s name, Convoy dashes into the shadows of the basement and Higgs runs up the stairs. Higgs almost knocks the three children standing there over.

_Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam!_

“Super vampire speed...”

“Hey! Uncle Higgs!” Finn eagerly follows behind Higgs. “Wait up!”

There Sam finally was! Wandering around the empty greenhouse staring up at the tarp on the ceiling. Higgs reckons Sam is confused about it, _oh please, please_ Sam! Sam _please_ ask him how he is going to grow anything with with sun covered up! _Dumb as hell, aren’t you? Angel! Beautiful angel!_

_Because I grow mushrooms Sam! Sam! Sam… Lou!_

Higgs spins on his heel, grabbing Lou from her carrier and floating over to Sam. Lou cheers and waves her arms in the air.

“Higgs! You think that’s a good idea?!” John calls out, worried.

_SAM!_

“Vampire!” Dorothy points to Higgs, tugging Finn’s shirt. “Look!”

“Just the man I wanted to see!” Higgs lands in front of Sam. He holds Lou to his chest and she happily waves to Sam. _Sam!_

“Hey you two.” Sam smiles, he leans down to kiss Lou on the head and then leans upwards to kiss Higgs on the lips. Both of them letting out a happy coo as Sam pulls away.

“Uncle Higgs!”

 _Higgs is going to blow this entire town up_.

“Uncle? Higgs you’re Finn’s uncle?”

“No.”

“Yeah!”

“That means I’m your uncle too.” Sam smiles and messes Finn’s hair.

“Awesome… This is so awesome.” Finn grins.

“We gotta go to the school.” The tiny girl next to Finn says. She’s hugging a toy lion and looking around the greenhouse.

Higgs isn’t sure if he’s ever seen her before. She must be The Mifune child, considering how small she is and how much she looks like George. Both had _clearly mislead_ Higgs into believing their child is a teenager but there is _noway_ she could be. Dorothy, he believes her name is.

Pretty obvious given her name how she’s grown to be found of Lions. Higgs is more of a fan of the scarecrow, personally.

The little girl looks up at Higgs and cowers. Higgs can’t say he likes that kind of reaction when it’s from a little kid.

“That’s what I’m asking!” Finn huffs. “Uncle Higgs and Sam! I’ll take Lou to school with me, should I bring her back here?”

“Suck up.” The girl mumbles.

“Bring her back to our place.” Sam carefully takes Lou out of Higgs’ arms and puts her back into the carrier.

Now that Higgs actually looks at him, John’s kid is huge. The harness fitting him perfectly when it couldn’t his father. He has the same wild hair as his father, only blonde instead of red. His eyes the same green as Maggie and John. There’s a white bandage over the bridge of his nose, probably a sunburn he is embarrassed of.

Finn looks at Higgs with pure admiration in his eyes, Higgs doesn’t like that reaction from a kid ether.

“You got it.”

“If we’re not home yet drop her off next door. Don’t go wandering back here at night.” He messes Finn’s hair a final time and leans over to look at the little girl. “Dot, can I trust you to look after Lou if me and Higgs aren’t home yet?”

“Yeah! Yeah!” Dorothy jumps in place, squeezing her lion tight. “You can count on me!”

“What would I do without you two.” Sam smiles. He pats them both on the head.

“Heading out too.” John nods at Sam and Higgs. “Bring my truck round tomorrow.”

“Got it.”

“Bwye Bwye!” Lou giggles.

“Lou! Do your best!” Sam pokes her in the stomach. She hugs his finger between her tiny hands and Sam kisses her forehead. “Better not hear about you two slacking off ether!”

Higgs wants to go back to when he _didn’t_ feel guilty about getting jealous of children.

“Bye Sam! Bye Uncle Higgs!” Finn happily runs out the greenhouse, dragging Dorothy behind him who is asking about a black lion. Did she see Convoy?

Sam waves them all goodbye.

Higgs stands there. Watching from the greenhouse as the kids walk towards Gretchen’s farm where the kids studied together in the evening. He should, in theory, help sometime. Higgs’ brain hasn’t rotted enough to be totally useless when it came to mathematics and physics, or _maybe it has_ because the longer he looks at Gretchen’s farm off in the distance, the more it looks like that rundown schoolhouse.

“Uncle?” Sam snaps Higgs out of if before he can picture his daddy dragging himself out of Gretchen’s farm.

“Sam. Don’t even _think_ about _entertaining_ it.”

“Think I already did.” Sam leans up and messes Higgs’ hair under his hood. “My bad.”

Higgs messes Sam’s hair back, he wants to kiss him but his mouth still tastes like tar. No amount of purified water or pizza can get rid of that taste, you could brush your teeth five times in a row and it still will take half a week to go away. Higgs tugs on Sam’s ears, Sam lets out a little wince and smiles up at Higgs.

That empty feeling in his chest is fading, Higgs’ heart is filling to the brim.

“Asshole. Knew you wouldn’t bring any of that shit in.”

“Two things. First of all, _Sam_ , what _shit_ am I suppose to bring in? _Where?”_

“Out in the truck!” Sam tickles under Higgs’ arms.

Higgs squawks and lets go of Sam’s ears. He juts backwards and covers his own mouth and keep _that sound_ muffled.

Sure, Higgs laughs. He laughs all the time in fact. Bursts out laughing nowadays more than ever. Higgs spent a good amount of time practicing and perfecting that laugh of his and even longer making sure _that_ was the sound that came out instead.

Don’t _ever_ even think about getting Higgs started on how long it took to get rid of his stutter.

Lucky enough Higgs almost always laughed by his own choice. When he didn’t his brain still would get a second or two head start. Not that he doesn’t have a sense of humor, Higgs reckons he has a _vibrant_ sense of humor, but for whatever reason most of the time when Higgs found something funny he wouldn’t laugh on his own.

 _That normal?  
_ Don’t matter seeing how it made changing his laugh from _that_ all the easier.

Now, if Higgs got unlucky and something _or someone_ tickled him? Higgs did the last person who was unfortunate enough to hear _it_ a favor and crushed him under a MULE truck.

Higgs uncovers his mouth and looks at Sam. He is still standing in front of him, smiling and waiting for Higgs to finish. Sam got patience to spare, don’t he?

“Second of all, Sam. Am I _not_ married to _The Legendary Deliverer_ himself, S _–_ _Ka!_ Don’t!”

“Go get it yourself!” Sam closed the space between them in seconds and is tickling Higgs again.

“St _–_ op! _Kahakahkahkahka!”_

_Divorce is imminent!_

“There’s that weird laugh again!” Sam grins, wiggling his fingers against Higgs’ armpits faster.

“Shut _–KAHAHAHAKAHAKHA!_ SHUT THE FUCK UP! _KAHKAHA!”_

 _Wait Sam has already heard it?  
_ _Fuck! Of course he has already heard it!_

“Caw~! Caw~! Caw~!”

“Pl _ahkahkahkahah!_ Play fair!” Higgs’ face is burning up.

“Higgs! Since when do you play fair? Caw~! Caw~!”

Higgs gropes under Sam’s arms. Sam pauses, pink creeping across his face and over his ears.

“Why are you blushing, Sam?” Higgs is almost out of breath from Sam’s _onslaught_. “Didn’t you say this morning that _these_ are _just_ armpits?”

“I’m looking at why.”

Sam’s armpits are warm, his blue cotton shirt under his jacket damp with sweat there. Higgs would be _extraordinarily_ turned on if he wasn’t so humiliated. he is only _a little bit_ turned on.

 _How do you do this?_ Higgs twitches his fingers around.

“Ha.” Softy, tiny laugh.

“Not ticklish?”

“I am but-” Sam twitches. “C’mon man...”

Higgs had noticed he can almost feel Sam’s thick armpit hair through the sweaty fabric and is now pushing his fingers harder against. He smirks down at Sam who twitches again feeling Higgs’ fingernails poking against the cotton of his shirt against his armpits.

“I wouldn’t call what you’re doing tickling, Higgs.”

“Sam! How I long for the good old days, back when every _inch of you_ was ticklish and tender.”

“Sure you do. Fuckin’ weirdo.”

“I take that as a compliment, _Sammy boy~_!”

“Know you do.” Sam runs his fingers up and down Higgs’ sides. “Why I said it.”

Higgs’ heart is overflowing.

“Here Higgs.” Sam starts tickling him again. “Do it like _this!_ ”

The greenhouse fills up with Higgs’ shrieking, screwy laughter. Higgs starts mimicking Sam’s fingers and Sam _snort laughs_ before bursting out into his usual husky laughter.

“Pig! _Kahkaha!_ B _–Ka!_ Big hairy boar!”  
One snort is all Higgs needed! How do _you_ like it, Sam?!

“T _hanyahaha._ ” _NYAH?!_ “That w _hya!_ Why you keep trying to eat me? _Nyahanya… Ah!”_

 _Nyah! Nyah! Nyah!_ Higgs works his fingers faster.

“Hold- _Nyahaha!_ ” _Nyah!!_ “Higgs! Hold on I-”

“Sam! Piss yourself! _Kahahakaakhakaha!_ I _COMMAND_ you! _Stupid old cat!”_

“-I have to help you get your stuff from the truck.” Sam pushes Higgs away from him.

“...My bad.” Higgs’ face is turning red again.

“What is up with you and pee anyway?”

“Nothing. Nothing is up.”

* * *

Sam helped Higgs bring his things insides into the greenhouse and down to the basement. Higgs’ things from the ruined shelter were kept in old Fragile packaging. He noticed a couple of things in the truck from Bridges and what little independent porter organizations are still left.

Had Sam bought some _gifts_ for his _ever loving husband?_  
Could he have finally gotten _a ring_ for Higgs?  
How exciting!

“That’s it for your stuff.” Sam dusts off his hands.

Higgs is sitting in the corner, reading over the labels of the smaller metal briefcases until he finds what he is looking for. Higgs opens the case, grabbing the sticky tube of mascara and whittled down eyeliner pencil.

Who took his chiralium pencil?  
Confiscated by The UCA after Higgs left the ruined shelter for good?  
Snagged up by Fragile when her and Deadman recovered his things for Sam with Peter?

  
Hopefully she had peeked in their before, sometime after The UCA inevitably found it.

 _No, of course she did._ She absolutely did and that is when she stole it. Clear as day, that’s what happened.

While Higgs could easily make another one, it’s still annoying.

Higgs had deleted the email scheduled to be sent out to Sam in, what Higgs at the time thought was, the slim chance of his defeat in a tantrum after Sam stopped emailing him and delivering him pizza. His messages wouldn’t send on the beach no matter how hard he tried.

That always the case?  
Or did Bridget decide that would be the icing on the cake?

Doesn’t matter.  
Curiosity after hearing what The UCA found must of gotten to Fragile something fierce and she saw the message Higgs left for her in the end. Had it been too dark when Sam visited for him to see?  
Thinking about _that_ gave Higgs a headache.  
Would it of killed Sam to call out to him or something?

That didn’t matter ether, Sam could yank all the dirty pictures of himself off the wall he wanted The UCA still found about him and Higgs’ _scandalous affair._ Sam still needs to tell Higgs where he stashed the photos. No way in hell Sam threw those out. Higgs would ask him after he finished fixing his makeup.

Then he’d ask Sam an all too important question that Higgs has been holding on to.

“Pardon me, Sam.” Higgs takes out a bottle of makeup remover caked in dried tar and shuts the little briefcase.

“What happened there anyway? All your scars are gone too.”

“Tested out the sink.” Higgs walks over to the basement bathroom.

“So you’ll tell me later?”

“ _Maybe._ ”

“I’ll go grab the rest out of the truck.”

“Don’t throw your fucking back out.” Higgs watches Sam go up the stairs.

“I’ll be careful. Promise!”

Higgs shakes his head in disappointment, hard to see Sam’s ass with his big parka on. He grabs a crunched up plastic bottle off the floor and tosses it behind him before walking into the bathroom. Higgs stands in front of the mirror. Could be worse, _has been worse._ He opens up the make up remover and rewashes his face in the bathroom sink. Higgs will reapply his mascara first. He shakes the tube before opening it.

Leaning over the bathroom sink to get a better look in the mirror, Higgs gets right to work.

Higgs won’t tell Sam about Bridget. Gives Higgs something to hold against her if she decides to bug him again. He appreciates her making Convoy into a real boy, even if that bitch won’t restore Higgs to his former glory.

_Speaking of._

“So _that’s where_ you’ve been hiding.” Convoy crawls out from behind the toilet and jumps up on the sink. Higgs pets him.

“No need to be scared of old Sam anymore, Convoy, he’s your daddy too now.”

Convoy tilts his head, he jumps off the sink and chases after the water bottle again.

Daddy.  
Daddy is gone for good now.  
Moved on to whatever lies ahead, if there even is anything.

Higgs' heart sinks, his heart is leaking into a puddle of sludge on the ground again.

He wishes Sam would hurry up.

Higgs closes the tube of mascara and grabs his old eyeliner pencil. He stares at were his scars used to be. He should of listened to Maria and gone with the tattoo. Peter convinced him it would of hurt too much and the chance of infection was too high.

_The fuck did he know, anyway?_

Staring in the mirror, Higgs hovers the eyeliner pencil over his forehead. All that’s left is the scars his daddy gave him in the first place. Something to remember him by now that he was gone. Higgs lowers the eyeliner pencil over his left eye and carefully starts tracing around it.

Reckon having it tattooed on would just be making him feel worse right about now. Even more like a fool than a god.

Would there be any point in getting his powers back?  
What did he need them for?

Convoy bats the bottle into the bathroom and back out again. Higgs moves the pencil over his right eye.

Who else here knew his daddy?  
Would the Mifunes also decide they’re related to him?  
Is Gretchen going to tell him she’s his grandmother?

That idiot son of John’s is calling Higgs his uncle when if John’s stupid theory was true, _it’s not_ , he would be little buffoon's cousin.

He is what? _Fourteen_ _?_ _Sixteen_ _?_ The kid would get over it.

Besides, if John _somehow_ was Higgs’ uncle that would mean Peter is…

“Fuck!” Higgs pokes himself in the eye with his eyeliner pencil.

No way!  
It’s _not true_ so it doesn’t matter!  
Even if it _was_ Peter and him didn’t _do anything_!

Sam said for it to be incest you have to be related by blood!

Peter is the one related to John!  
Higgs isn’t!  
Higgs is related to John’s wife!

Wait! _No he fucking isn’t!_

_Why is he acting like this shit is true?_

Higgs splashes his eye with cold water.

Still… Do any of the others know his daddy?

 _Knew.  
_ Knew his daddy.  
Daddy is gone now.  
For good. Forever.

Why does that hurt? Higgs should be happy, _so why isn’t he happy?_

There is a hole in his chest at this point. Not a heart.

Higgs hopes Sam doesn’t come back.

This is perfect, isn’t it? Higgs has _a family_ now. Sam and Lou could leave in peace and find something better.

Higgs puts the eyeliner pencil down next to the mascara tube. He stares at himself in the mirror, a _normal_ looking man. Even more bland now thanks to Bridget. Another human clinging to life in a world past it’s expiration date. What color Higgs had to bring back to his face was back, arms strong again and legs sturdy.

The longer Higgs looks at himself the more his eye twitches.

Higgs thinks his nose is too long, too big. The shape his mouth always settled in, it pisses him off and there is nothing he could do to change it. Higgs puts his hood up and walks out of the bathroom, watching Convoy happily playing in the corner with the plastic bottle. Higgs knows Sam means every word when he calls him handsome and that’s why it hurts that Higgs can’t believe him. That his stupid brain won’t let him.

The basement door opens.

Sam will wait, even after Higgs tells him to move on. _That’s no good._ Higgs has to tell him to go the second he got down here. That is why Higgs wants his power back, ain’t it? To have something that could keep Sam from leaving.

Ameile had never existed in the first place.  
Daddy is gone for good now.  
It’s time for Sam to leave.

_Higgs keeps talking about Sam needing to be selfish, doesn’t he?_

“Didn’t throw my back out.” Sam is smiling. It used to be that Higgs could barely grasp the mere idea of Sam smiling.

Higgs closes his eyes, he hears Sam puts the packages down next to the other ones.

In the dark, Higgs sees his daddy inching towards him. That’s right now even Bridget can get rid of him. As long as Higgs had his memory his daddy would never leave him. Him and his daddy alone, like it should of stayed. Like always… Only.

Not yet.  
 _Just a little longer._

“I got some stuff so you can have a little office down here.” Sam’s voice is excited and happy. “Brought tools so we can put it all up today.”

Sam loves doing these kind of projects, working with his hands. Touching and finally being able to be touched.

_Working with his hands._

_Please, a littler longer._

“The whole basement thing was my idea. Thought you’d like it.” Sam is close him now. Higgs can smell him, he smells good.

Higgs wants to sniff him, wants to lick him and bite him.  
Wants to feel how good Sam is with his hands.

“That a cat?” Can’t smell Sam anymore, where did he go?

Higgs opens his eyes.

Sam is holding Convoy and the plastic bottle. _No good for a little kitten to be chewing on that,_ Higgs can hear Sam saying it in his head. Sam pets Convoy before putting him down and tossing the plastic bottle to be recycled.

“Higgs?”

_This can’t go on any longer._

“Sam...”

* * *

Something is up.  
Sam knew something was up, he should of came here sooner.

“Sam… Hold me.”

“Higgs?” Sam embraced him, Higgs lithe body trembling against him when Sam wrapped his arms around Higgs’ broad shoulders. Sam lowers Higgs hood, his eyes are big and broken. Sam traces his fingers over where Higgs’ scars had been, only finding a few old looking marks there. His eyebrows are different too.

He doesn’t say a word.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Sam asks softly, he runs his hand over Higgs’ cheek. “What happened?”

Higgs slaps Sam’s hand away, he puts his hood back up and kisses Sam. The taste in Higgs’ mouth makes Sam’s eyes go wide. It overpowers everything else and stained every corner of Higgs’ mouth.

Why hadn’t Sam come sooner? Sam brushed off that sinking pit in his stomach as him being clingy, him missing Higgs and Lou too much at once. Told everyone he wasn’t hungry and figured he really wasn’t.

“I’m _stupid_ , Sam.” Higgs pulls apart from Sam. “That’s what’s wrong.”

“No you ain’t.” Sam is the stupid one here. Higgs is still trembling when he hugs his long arms around Sam’s waist and rests his chin on top of Sam’s head. “Higgs, one time I cracked my head open in the shower. I know you’ve got pictures of a hundred other times I-”

“Not why I’m stupid.”

“You’re not.” Sam lowers himself and Higgs so they’re sitting on the floor. He wishes they had a nicer place to sit together. “Whatever reason that voice in your head is telling you you’re stupid, it ain’t true.”

Higgs let’s out a shaky laugh, sliding down to rest his head in Sam’s chest. The little black kitten, something is familiar about him, nuzzles against Higgs and mewls. Higgs idly pets him, murmuring against Sam’s chest.

“What’s his name?” Sam smiles, humming against Higgs and stroking his back.

“Convoy.” Another shaky laugh.

“Hey Convoy.” Sam reaches out to pet Convoy, the kitten cautiously moves towards his hand and let’s Sam pat him a few times before running up the stairs. It’s an odd looking cat, Sam’s never seen one like him before. He fits Higgs really well.

“Let’s go home.” Sam takes Higgs’ hands into his. “We can finish up in here tomorrow. Together.”

“No.” Higgs squeezes their hands tighter together. “Sam, touch me.”

“When we get home.”

“I said _no._ ” Higgs breathes. “ _Here. Now._ ”

“Is that a command?”

A faint smile creeps across Higgs’ mouth. It’s barely there, but it’s a smile and Sam will take it.

“Yes. I _command_ you to touch me.”

“As you command.”

Now there, there is Higgs’ smile.

Sam takes a candy out of his pocket and pops it in his mouth before taking his jacket off and rolling it up. He lowers Higgs’ hood and kisses his forehead before laying Higgs’ head down on the makeshift pillow. Sam crawls on top of Higgs and smiles, holding Higgs’ hands in his.

“Idiot.” Higgs cracks up. He reaches his arms up and around Sam and pulls him on top of him. Sam pushes the candy into Higgs’ mouth. The crisp artificial sour apple and sugar mixed with the tar. It makes Sam grimace. He only made the taste worse.

On the other hand, looks like Higgs likes it. He happily swishes the candy around their mouths, melting it between him and Sam’s tongues. Sam lifts Higgs’ fleece tunic…  
... _Do I seriously know this is a fleece tunic?_

“Keep in mind.” Sam lifts Higgs’ baggy shirt over his stomach Kissing his smooth pale stomach before unbuttoning Higgs’ tight pants. “After this morning I… I uh.”

Sam won’t act like he isn’t getting up there in years, but even if Higgs wasn’t seventeen to twenty-two years younger than him Sam is sure he would have trouble keeping up with him.

“Your fingers are _more than_ enough, Sam.” Higgs chirps, his eyes fluttering shut as Sam pulls his zipper down. His eyelashes are so pretty, mascara on or not. Sam is never sure if he should mention it, Higgs would probably start demanding Sam rub his dick over his eyes if he did. The guy is so weird and to be honest Sam fucking loves it.

Sam gets off of Higgs sits besides him, kissing over Higgs’ eyebrows. Sam holds Higgs’ right hand with his left, he remembers the way Higgs used to take his hands into his to make him tremble and try and overstimulate him. The way it used to burn Sam’s hands and fingers red and hurt. Higgs changed the meaning of the motion for him. Sam wonders if Higgs still likes holding hands. Far as Sam can tell, Higgs does.

His right hand traces a heart over Higgs’ stomach before sliding down the front of Higgs’ trousers. Hot as always, Sam runs his fingers through the thick black hair there that is damp and sticky with sweat. He presses his palm against Higgs, making Higgs inhale in anticipation and spread his legs apart. Sam slips two fingers between the lips of Higgs’ cunt and slides them upwards, pinching Higgs’ clit between his fingers.

Higgs exhales, squeezing Sam’s hand tight and tries to dig the heels of boots into the concrete floor. Sam can’t take his eyes off his face, off the bead of sweat the drops down Higgs’ nose.

There isn’t anybody else out there with a face like his.

Sam loves Higgs’ nose almost as much as he loves his mouth. Higgs’ nose is prominent and handsome. Not a feature anybody could ignore, and Higgs made some of the cutest sounds Sam has ever heard whenever he nibbled on Higgs nose.

His mouth though... His mouth is just the best, in Sam’s expert opinion. The W shape Higgs’ mouth always settled in reminds Sam of a teddy bear, of the little black kitten running around upstairs, and above all of his childhood pets. Of that one particularly fat and fluffy rat of his happily gnawing on a walnut who had been Sam’s close second favorite right after his ferret.

Hard to believe such a friendly face belongs to a terrorist, former or not. Even harder to believe said handsome terrorist is the same guy who thought a grilled cheese was literally a grilled slice of cheese.

There isn’t anybody else out there like Higgs, period. He’s irreplaceable.

“Stop gawking at my ugly mug.” Higgs rolls his hips against Sam’s hand. “Touch me more.”

“Call yourself ugly again and I’ll kick your ass.” Sam pinches Higgs’ clit again and slowly starts rubbing it between his fingers.

“Do _something else_ to my ass.” Higgs licks his lips before poking his tongue out.

“Higgs, can you do something for me?” Sam asks, giving Higgs’ hand one last squeeze and his clit another pinch before pulling his hands away. “Could you rest your arms behind your head? Like this.” Sam puts his own arms behind his head to demonstrate.

“ _Arm~ Pits~_ ” Higgs purrs, looks like he’s feeling better now. He sits up and puts his arms behind his head and lays back down on the basement floor. His head now resting atop his arms in addition to Sam’s rolled up winter jacket. Sam grabs his coat and moves it so it’s on top of Higgs’ arms, Higgs rolls his eyes.

“Not why.” Sam laughs, hooking his thumbs into belt loops of Higgs’ trousers and pulling them down to his pale thighs. “Worried you’ll hurt your head.” Higgs has this habit of acting like he’s possessed by Pazuzu every time Sam fingers him.  
 _Wait, what? Possessed by Pazuzu? The hell is a Pazuzu?_ Doesn’t matter. Probably something from one of those movies Deadman sent Sam and Higgs.

“Dweeb.” Higgs shivers, feeling the cold air of the basement against his wet, sweaty cunt and rolls his hips once more. He’s always so eager, it drives Sam crazy.

Sam squeezes Higgs, making Higgs buckle against his hand. He slides a finger between Higgs’ ass and rubs it up against the clean pink hole, still loose from this morning. Sam runs his hand back over Higgs and spreads him apart with his left hand, his right hand pushing his index finger easily into Higgs’ greedy cunt.

“More.” Higgs tosses his head back. “Keep touching me.”

“Is it good?” Sam pushes his middle and ring fingers inside of Higgs at once. Higgs gasps, throwing his head back again when Sam pushes his fingers inside of him up to the knuckle.

“Don’t… Ask me if it’s good...” Higgs drools, starting to chew on the squishy material of Sam’s coat.

“Why not?”

“Dork...”

Sam smiles, he slides his left hand over Higgs’ lower stomach and pushes down as he spreads his fingers against the dripping, tight muscle. Higgs screams, soaking Sam’s fingers in his natural lubricant. Sam holds back a chuckle looking a the clear puddle forming under Higgs.

“Pinky! Use your pinky!” There’s a little puddle of spit on Sam’s jacket, too.

“For real, dude?” Sam raises his eyebrow at Higgs, he really shouldn’t be surprised at Higgs asking him to give him a shocker. Can he even call it that right now? Sam pulls his fingers out halfway to make sure he can reach. “You’re the boss.”

“I _am_ the boss~” Higgs purrs happily. “And, _you_ , Sam, you are-” Sam pokes his little finger into Higgs’ ass and Higgs suddenly stops talking.

Oh. Guess he can still call it a shocker.

“My- My bad.”

Higgs squirts.

The two stare at another for a moment and in silence agree not to mention it. Sam pulls his little finger out.

“S-Sam, put it- Ah! Ka!” Sam thrusts his fingers against Higgs’ g-spot. Lighting him up and sending Higgs thrusting his hips up into the air. “Sam! Keep touching me!”

Sam opens and closes his fingers before thrusting his fingers again. He pushes on Higgs’ lower stomach in time with his thrusts, listening to Higgs pant. Sam is starting to pant himself, his jeans feeling tighter by the second.

“Higgs… I’m...”

“Let...” Higgs breathes. “Let me guess~”

Higgs sits up, wiping the drool around his mouth with his sleeve. He stares between Sam’s legs and shamelessly licks his lip. Reaching a hand out to knead his palm over Sam’s covered erection.

“Uh… Sorry.” Sam carefully withdraws his fingers, wiping them over Higgs’ thighs.

“Sam, you need to have more faith in yourself.” Higgs kicks his boots and trousers off, rolling onto his stomach to rest his head in Sam’s lap. “No need to _apologize_ for giving me what I want.”

“It’s seriously all you.”

“I know~” Higgs grins, Sam noticed he loves hearing that kind of stuff. It’s not a lie ether, Sam’s libido all but vanished until he met Higgs. Unfortunately it didn’t vanish again after him and Higgs broke it off, or even when he thought Higgs was gone. He hadn’t been so frustrated with his body since he was a teenager.

“Guess you’re fuckin’ infectious.” Sam pats Higgs on the head.

Higgs nuzzles against Sam’s hand. He undoes Sam’s jeans and pulls his cock free from his boxers. Sam lets out a small sigh. Higgs runs his finger down the underside and gives it curious lick.

Sam bites his lip, that’s got to be the one thing they haven’t done yet. He badly, and he means really fucking badly, wants to fuck Higgs’ throat. Higgs, being Higgs, has to have realized that by now. He’s ether a dedicated tease or scared he’ll do a bad job. Sam isn’t going to prod him about it, it’s not a big deal.

Higgs hovers over Sam’s lap, holding Sam’s cock in place. Carefully, what you can call carefully when it comes to Higgs anyway, he slides himself down on Sam’s twitching erection.

“Easy, baby.”

“Never.” Without a doubt Higgs is feeling better. He drapes his arms around Sam’s shoulders and slams himself down the rest of the way on Sam’s cock at once.

Higgs’ breath hitches.

“E-Easy!” Sam wraps his arms around Higgs’ waist and holds him steady. Higgs stares at him, his eyes wide and hollow again. He kisses Sam and Sam kisses back. Deepening the kiss and doing his best to ignore the taste of tar. He pulls Higgs closer, squeezing him tight.

Higgs doesn’t hold him, he doesn’t kiss him back, he doesn’t move.

Sam pulls away, he puts his hands on Higgs’ shoulders.

“Higgs? We don’t have to-”

“Don’t leave.” What?

“I won’t.” _Why would I ever leave?_

“You _should._ ”

“Doesn’t mean I will.” Carefully, Sam lowers Higgs to the basement floor. Resting his head against his rolled up parka again. He snakes his own arm under his jacket and Higgs’ head this time. Sam holds Higgs’ hand against the concrete, lacing their fingers together.

Higgs looks up at him, lips quivering and his mascara running. Sam kisses the tip of his nose and slowly pulls out of Higgs.

“D-Don’t...” Higgs whimpers.

“I’m not.” Sam inches back inside of Higgs, not going all the way back in. Not right now, not this time.

“Sam… What are you...” Higgs digs his nails into Sam’s back, his other hand squeezing Sam’s big hand tight into his.

“I love you.”

“I love… _You… I love you… So fucking much._ ” He wraps his legs around Sam’s waist. “So… _Leave.”_

“Not leaving.” Sam fucks him slowly. Softly. Figures it’s making love, not fucking. Sam never got how there was a difference.

“I _hate_ you… Cretin.” Higgs impatiently pulls on Sam’s hair. “Why would you...”

“Because I hate you too.”

Higgs moans, kissing Sam.

He thrusts his hips up against him.  
He wants Sam’s cock back inside of him all the way and filling him to the brim.

Higgs wants something rougher, something that hurts.

Sam knows he’s going to feel bad later for not giving Higgs what he wants.

* * *

Sam doesn’t look like he’s feeling too guilty for the _drawn-out, grueling humiliation_ that was the orgasm he just put Higgs through. Not that Higgs disliked it, Higgs _didn’t_ dislike it. Not at all. Quite the opposite in fact. Higgs has to make sure him and Sam _never spoke of it_. The things Sam did to Higgs after telling him he hated him too… _Absolutely must never be spoken of again._

Thinking about it makes Higgs shiver and shake all over.

Sam must be on cloud nine, bent over with his hair tied up going to town with an old power drill putting up counters and cabinets in the greenhouse basement. It’s as sexy as it is _fucking annoying._

Denim and renovation, give Higgs a fucking break.  
Such cheerful, wholesome, and _typical_ hobbies _his husband_ has.

“I _wanted_ a ring, Sam.” Higgs grabs one of the new note boards Sam got for him and hangs it up over the equally new desk by the utility sink.

“Actually.” Sam finishes up installing the last resin cabinet, he wiggles its sides to test if its screwed in all the way. “Sort of got you something like that.”

“You better have!” Higgs picks up the other note board and hangs it up as well, tomorrow he’ll bring in his old photos of Sam and put them up again. Higgs sits on the top of his desk, kicking the office chair in front of it with his bare legs to make it wheel around the basement.

“You want like, a wedding ring?” Sam asks, putting his tools away. He sounds so _coy_ for the man who’s cum is currently dripping out of Higgs’ cunt over his thighs and on top of his nice new desk.

“What _if I do?_ ” Higgs kicks the chair over to Sam. “ _What if_ I want a _grand, proper wedding,_ Sammy boy~? _”_

“Do you?” Sam catches the chair, he sits down and spins around in the office chair before scooting over to Higgs. Frowning at the mess being made on the desk he just installed.

“Answer the question.”

“You first.”

“… Yes.” Higgs gets off the desk and grabs his pinstriped trousers, tugging them on and avoiding looking at Sam.

“Then I’ll see what I can do.” Sam is cleaning the desk off with his shirt when Higgs finally looks over to him, facing away. Higgs can _hear_ that _fucking smile again._ He grabs his boots off the ground and heads back over to the desk. Higgs tosses them into Sam’s lap and sits down on the desk.

“Sam~ I have _another question_ for you.” Higgs smirks, stretching his legs out for Sam to put his boots on for him. “One I have been _dying_ to ask you.”

“Yeah? You sure you’ve been dying to ask if you’re only asking me now?” Sam zips Higgs’ boot up and grabs his other leg to put the other one on.

“Waiting for the ideal opportunity, Sammy boy~”

“Hit me.” Sam finishes zipping the other boot up.

“Did that bitch Fragile or-”

“Don’t call Fragile a bitch.”

“Did Fragile or your little goth friend-”

“Ain’t you the goth guy?”

Higgs stands up and spins Sam around in the office chair himself.

“Did Fragile or Deadman happen to mention _the reaction_ The UCA had to _our lovely affair~?_ ”

“They don’t know about us.” Sam holds his dizzy head in his hands and yelps as Higgs suddenly starts spinning him around again.

“Don’t know?!” Spin. “How the fuck do they now know?!” Spin. Spin. “What about my shelter?!” Spin spin spin.

“Fucking stop!” Sam shouts, Higgs spins him one last time.

“How could those _morons_ not find my shelter!”

“When… Shit I’m going to be sick.”

“ _Hot.”_

“What?”

“Continue, Sam.” Higgs sits back down on the desk.

“When they asked I told ‘em I cut off all ties with my lover because he turned out to be a huge asshole. Which he is!” Sam groans. “Didn’t care if they found out until you found me.”

Sam pauses, getting up to splash his face with cold water.

“Had Peter and Deadman scrub it and get your stuff to _keep_ The UCA from finding out anything if they _do_ go snooping around there.” Sam continues. “Guess Fragile did too, but I told her to-”

“WHY?!”

“So we don’t get caught?”

“I _guess!_ ” Higgs huffs.

“Not sorry.” Sam yawns. “Mind if we finish up tomorrow?”

“Not at all.” Higgs walks over to the bathroom and picks Convoy up out of the sink where he had been sleeping. He pets down his purring back.

“Think we could fit a couch down here?” Sam is pulling his parka on and looking around the basement. “For you and your new buddy.”

“There is plenty of space for a _literal loveseat,_ Sam.” Higgs laughs. “Convoy however, ain’t going near that _soon to be filthy_ thing.”

Sam blushes, _and he says Higgs can’t read his mind!_

“Should write down anything he needs. We can order it tonight.” Sam pulls a pink sticky note note and a pen from off the desk. “C’mere.”

Higgs puts Convoy down on the desk and starts scribbling. He holds the list up to Sam.

“What is...”

“Your _feedback_ is appreciated.”

Rat – Fragile, Sam, Daddy (RIP)

Bird – Sam, Penny

Snake – Fragile, Daddy (RIP)

Ferret – Sam

Jackal – Peter

Goat – Johnny

Armadillo

“What feedback am I suppose to give?” Sam pulls another sticky note and starts writing a list of supplies for Convoy himself. “Don’t tell your asshole uncle to rest in peace, fuck him. That’s my feedback.”

“Pick ONE! I need you people to pick ONE!”

“Ferrat.”

“That’s _cheating_.”

“Who even called you an armadillo? I like that one too. Armor and stripes.”

“...” Higgs slaps his list up on one of his new note boards. The first of many to come. He picks Convoy back up and marches towards the stairs.

“Wait up, any other furniture you need for down here?”

“Bookshelf.”

“Got it.” Sam sticks the note in his pocket and follows Higgs up the stairs. “So Higgs! How are you going to tell Peter he’s your _nephew_ now?”

“Very funny. If John and Finn weren’t insane, he’d be my cousin. But they happen to, in fact, be fucking insane.”

“How is that any better?” Sam laughs. “Imagine almost eating your cousin out.”

“He _isn’t_ my cousin!”

Higgs and Convoy start to hiss at Sam together, it only makes Sam laugh even more.

* * *

“Sir!” Peter salutes Sam, illuminated only in the light coming from the door in the dark of early morning. “Sorry for the wait!”

“Peter. How many times I gotta tell you?”

“Sorry Sam.” Peter picks up the two mint colored bags he put down to salute Sam and hands it to him. “The um… The other thing is in here.” Peter hands Sam a white jewelry gift box.

“Don’t worry about it.” Sam smirks, putting the bags down in the kitchen. He opens the box and looks it over. A black leather collar and matching leash, exactly what he asked for. Sam slips it into the bag with their counterfeit porter uniforms. “ _Cousin._ ”

Peter grimaces. He picks up the fake oxygen mask and hands it to Sam.

“Your dad ask about-”

“Peter!” Higgs, wearing only Sam’s comforter, runs out from behind Sam holding his overgrown cat.

“Higgs!” Sam blushes, he plops the fake oxygen helmet down on Peter’s head. “Will you put some fucking clothes on!”

“Peter! Think fast!” Higgs tosses Convoy to Peter. Convoy meows and clings to Peter’s upper torso. Sam has never had a cat before, but Convoy grew up in a hurry. He is almost twice the size of Peter’s cat and they’ve only had him a week or so now.

“Good morning Boss!” Peter stumble in place, clinging to Convoy. “May I say again, sir, it is an honor to look after dear Convoy!”

Higgs yanks the mask off of Peter and shoves it on Sam’s head, laughing. He hugs his cat, nuzzles their heads together while Convoy lathers Higgs’ face with his tongue.

“Daddy is going to miss you so much!” Higgs kisses his cat on the top of his fluffy head and gives him one more nuzzle for the road. “Peter!”

“Yes sir!”

Higgs pulls Convoy’s harness off the coat rack, he shakes it and Convoy obediently jumps off of Peter and stands in front of Higgs. He fixes the harness on to his cat and gives Peter overwhelmingly detailed instructions while Sam pulls the fake VOG mask off his head and sets it next to his on the kitchen counter.

Sam opens up their fridge and grabs the box covered in sticky-notes.

“-Now that is at _exactly_ _2000 hours_ , do you understand Peter?” Higgs hands Peter a black backpack stuffed with cat toys, his blankets, and brush.

“Yes, Sir!” Peter puts the backpack on his back and grabs Convoy’s leash.

“Here’s his food.” Sam hands Peter the frozen box. “Higgs, think you left him enough instructions?”

“Absolutely not.” Higgs huffs, grabbing Convoy’s cat bed and putting it on top of box. “Make sure Johnny doesn’t let my mushrooms rot!”

“Yes, boss!” Peter smiles, nervously. He looks like he’s about to fall over.

“Baby.” Sam wraps the comforter tighter around Higgs. “Go take a shower and get ready.” He kisses Higgs on the cheek.

“Sam! Are you _displaying ownership?”_ Higgs snickers.  
 _Not yet._

“Why would I? He’s your cousin.”

“ _SHUT THE FUCK UP!_ ”

“Sam! Shut up!”  
  
“Mrroow!”

* * *

No fucking way Higgs is wearing this.

First of all, aren’t these work-out pants? They’re tight, absolutely skin fucking tight. Might even be a size too small. Of course _Sam_ would pick these out, they’re only a step above painting Higgs’ lower half purple and pink. Did they not even show Sam that crotchless panties are a thing? All these are doing for him is confirming his worse fears that _yes,_ his ass did get bigger.

The top, a normal cashmere sweater with the exception of being the same big bright purple and pink Cheshire Cat stripes as the pants. Because _that’s_ what you wear with fucking work-out pants, _a fucking cashmere sweater_. The warm purple and pink sweater ends right over Higgs' belly button and _it should be illegal_ to make him wear a crop-top, and yet Sam is a free man.

Worst of all, absolutely worst of fucking all, is the hood. It’s his normal cloak only dark purple with pink and purple stripes replacing the golden ones, and unlike his normal cloak atop of his head are _fucking cat ears_. Was it Peter or one of The Mifunes that talked Sam into that one? It hides his face even better than his regular hood, and Higgs is thankful for that.

This is humiliating.  
It’s _insulting._

“Sam!” Higgs floated towards Sam who is zipping up his white jumpsuit in the living room, the flash of blue undergarments and the white pinafore improving Higgs’ mood tenfold. “Is this a joke?”

“Cute.” Sam tosses Higgs his own jumpsuit.

“If by _cute_ , Sam, you mean _horrible._ ” Higgs steps into the jumpsuit and zips it up to his chest.

“By cute I mean cute.” Sam shakes a box at Higgs. “Close your eyes.”

_Wedding rings! Wedding rings!!_

“No~” Higgs shuts his eyes.

He hears the box open, smells Sam even closer to him, Higgs lifts his hand…

Sam puts something _around Higgs’ neck._

“Sam?” Higgs’ eyes snap open. Sam clips a leash to the collar and tugs Higgs forward. Both the same black leather. “S-S-Sam?!”

“ _Super_ cute.” Sam tugs Higgs’ collar again by the leash, Higgs stumbles forward. His face is _on fucking fire._

“Who do… Who do you _think_ you _fucking are…_ ”

“Sorry it ain’t a ring, still working on those.” Sam takes one of the cat ears on Higgs’ hood and rubs it between his fingers. “Ordered this before you asked.”

_Like it’s real…  
...Insane…  
...Has to have a death wish! Idiot! idiot! _

It feels like there’s a _waterfall_ between Higgs’ legs.

“Sam. You’re a dead man walking.” Higgs licks Sam’s face. Sam unclips his leash and wraps it around his wrist. He sits down on the couch and pats the spot next to him.

_Are you dense, Sam?  
Are you out of your fucking mind? _

“C’mere, Higgs.”

“I’m going to kill every last one of you.” Higgs happily crawls next to Sam on the couch and curls next to him, poking his tongue out.

“Good kitty, good Higgs.”

_Sam! You fool! You utter fool! Do you think I enjoy this?_

“I’m a good kitty~!” Higgs chants, his body leaning and melting into Sam’s touch as he strokes down his back. “I’m a good kitty~!”

Higgs rolls onto his back, purring. He cranes his head and rubs it against the couch as Sam tickles his stomach. Sam clips the leash back on and tucks it under Higgs’ jumpsuit before zipping it all the way up.

“Alright. We gotta make some breakfast for Lou and then send her off for her big sleepover with Dot.” Sam gets off of the couch and pulls the body armor out of the bag.

Higgs sits there, still.

“Higgs?”

“Give me a second.” He slowly gets off the couch and pulls the body armor over his shoulders and buckles up back. He goes to grab one of the helmets off the kitchen counter to hide the cat ears only for Sam to stop him.  
  
“This one, I’ll show you why later.” Sam grabs the one next to it and fastens it to Higgs’ jumpsuit.

Higgs _absolutely can’t wait._

* * *

President John Blake McClane, who has never met a single herbalist in his lifetime, sits waiting patiently in his office. He turns his dog tags over in his fingers, staring at them.

In two days it would be exactly one month since Sam’s jumpsuit and alleged Cuff Links were recovered.

“You… Wanted to see me?” Deadman peaks into the door, late. Fragile looming uninvited behind him.

“ _ **Deadman**_ _._ Come on.”

“You must excuse us! Fragile ask me if she could-”

“ **You** come in. _**Fragile**_ , I will be speaking with **you** later.” John sits up in his chair looking them in the eye one after the other. “ _ **Deadman**_ _._ Shut the door behind you.”

Fragile and Deadman exchange nervous looks and a silent word between them. Deadman shuts the door and sits in front of John’s desk, his brow already damp with sweat.

John, getting right to point, holds two framed photos of Clifford Unger up to Deadman.

“Ah! Who could forget him? I remember-”

“Be _**honest** _ with me, _**why**_ are the frames of these photographs _**swapped?** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like y'know, nyah.  
> Big Lion BT deserves his own character tag imo, everybody loves him.  
> This chapter got... out of hand. 
> 
> Next time: Special delivery.


	6. America's Most Bizarre

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs referenced in this chapter are Sweet by Cigarettes After Sex, Apocalypse by the same band, and Hood by Perfume Genius.

_First of all, sorry I ain’t written anything worth shit in a hot minute. I’ve found I got less and less to write now that I got somebody to talk to that talks back._

Dusk with it’s purples, pinks, and little bits of yellow up against dark blue didn’t bring anything in particular to mind to Higgs Monaghan who is scribbling away at the pages of a hardcover notebook with a black felt pen. He’s been _wasting time reclining atop_ the roof of the old van Sam and him are traveling in and had started watching the sunset after losing sight of Sam making his way to the Timefall Farm off in the distance. He grew bored of it quickly, and decided to further waste his time writing in his journal _just like the good ol’ days_ instead _._

_This old van,_ Higgs is sure somebody told him it’s a Volkswagen but he can’t remember _who_ , it might just be the very last of its kind in existence. _One of a kind just like yours truly,_ it bares all the markings of having been modified long before Sam gutted and modernized the vehicle with the help of their neighbors.

Higgs can’t help but wonder what the point is fixing up this same old machine over and over when it’d be faster _and more efficient_ to build something new from scratch. There must be some sort of _nostalgic value_ in this old shell judged _worth preserving_ , it clearly holds memories _worth remembering_ if somebody would put in the time and effort to keep it running through the decades. Beloved enough by its owner to be passed down as a gift to the son they wished they had.

_Or owners, it probably belonged to the both of ‘em._

Now _his little aside_ sounded _bad_ if this old van did happen to have in fact belonged to _both_ of the twins that helped Sam modifying it, considering one of them does in fact have not only a son but two of ‘em. He didn’t mean Klaus of course, clear as day he _loves_ his sons considering how much he _hates_ Higgs, he meant Gretchen.

_Still_ , the idea of Klaus seeing Sam as a surrogate son only for him to end up becoming the old man who caught Sam and Higgs having sex in the local hot spring is making Higgs laugh.

Whether it belonged to them both originally or not, it was Gretchen who had gifted Sam the Volkswagen once Sam informed her that Higgs would be accompanying him on his monthly trip to the Timefall Farm. She took this opportunity to pass her _mobile time capsule_ down to him and Sam, _being Sam,_ was thrilled. Higgs gets the feeling that, going by what Sam knows about the man which is depressingly not a lot, Gretchen reminds Sam of his father Cliff. Likewise, Higgs has a hunch that Sam reminds Gretchen of some unknown, and possibly unnamed, child of hers. The touching moment between the two was only soured once Higgs reminded Sam what he would be _wearing and doing_ on said trip and _now in_ said van. _In my defense_ , the two had fun fixing it up together with Klaus and John (Moore, not McClane) so Higgs _didn’t really_ sour anything.

_I don’t do much souring of anything these days, got myself a more friendly hobby now and it’s even real productive._

Well, not a hobby but _a job.  
_ Which is _even worse._  
_Settled down and gone soft, with a kid._

The worst outcome for himself Higgs could think of.  
  
_And I like it._

For a while there, Higgs _did_ have a _productive hobby_ besides his two main leisure time actives of reading books Sam brought him or masturbating. The four _local grease monkeys_ had invited Higgs to join them but Higgs passed, he’s all hands when it came to machines. He still can’t for the life of him figure out why the lot of ‘em kept insisting on calling the damn thing a bus when _it’s obviously a van._ Sam _is_ the expert though, not him. It gave him a good idea, _all my ideas are good ideas_ , and Higgs kept plenty busy when Sam was off fixing the van. Higgs brought his childhood backpack to Peter and Maggie and together the three of them fixed it up into something real nice that isn’t falling apart.

_No idea why I wanted to fix it up and not burn it with along side my old diaries_ , Higgs had found those ratty notebooks still safe and sound inside of his backpack when he dumped it out into one of the spare storage bins in his greenhouse. He promptly took them outside and set them ablaze so _why not this shitty backpack too?_ Unlike Gretchen’s old van it didn’t hold any memories worth keeping and it would have been _more efficient_ to make something new from scratch. Any new memories he made with it wouldn’t _erase the bad ones_ or the fact that _apparently_ at one point Higgs had been stuffed inside of that backpack as an infant, dead.  
  
_I want to stress APPARENTLY,_ Higgs underlines _APPARENTLY_ five times, thankful for how thick the pages made of recycled paper in this journal are.

It could be as simple as _that_ _like me and this van, it’s the last of the kind. It’s one of a kind. Tell you what that’s the only kind of thing Sam should own, he deserves it. Anything I own he owns on account of me being his property as much as he’s mine. Just don’t go telling the old fuck that. Hell no._

Higgs turns his journal to a fresh page. Sam gave him something to do and Higgs reckons he should, _you know,_ wrap this up so he stops fucking around and _actually does_ _it._

_Peaceful out here by myself_ , Higgs never felt _anything close_ to something he could _describe with the word peaceful_ before but if this isn’t it then _nothing_ is. _Might have to do with that I’m not alone anymore._ _I’ll never be alone again, he told me so and I’m dumb enough to believe him._ The wind feels good, Higgs lowers his hood to feel it better against his bare face. He shuts his journal and tucks it under his arm before holding his pen between his teeth. Higgs floats down to the cool grass in front of the van where he put his backpack down and picks it up. He runs his fingers over the patches Lou and Finn made for him, smiling.

Higgs drops his backpack and opens his journal back up, taking his pen out of his mouth.  
  
_They had help of fucking course, nothing in the world gets done without help. I’m not afraid anymore to admit I still believe_ _in_ _that._ Both of the Mifunes helped the kids clean up their drawings into something easier to follow and Peter and Maggie sewed the patches. Finn had the idea, Lou mostly doodled pictures of mushrooms she saw growing in Higgs’ greenhouse and Convoy, while Finn drew the monsters from the movies Deadman sent Sam. It turned out that Sam didn’t have any interest in horror films, which is what the bulk of the movies Deadman lent him _almost always_ are, but Higgs _absolutely did_ and the teenager shared Higgs’ enthusiasm for melting faces and screaming girls. He could _almost buy_ that he was related to Finn, but _only almost_.

Higgs eyes the patch of Leatherface.

_That’s right. It was Johnny who told me that Sam’s van is a Volkswagen._

* * *

For all the times they’ve invited him over Higgs had only visited The Mifune residence once before.

Sunrise was still a few hours away when Sam, Higgs, _and their daughter_ arrived at their neighbor’s large teal house on Sam’s motorbike. Thinking of Lou as his and Sam’s daughter never failed to bewilder Higgs, especially when he remembered that _for once_ he _wasn’t exaggerating_ and _she actually is._ Standing together on the porch, they found the front door already open behind the metal screen door and Higgs could hear the sounds of a kettle whistling and rustling pots and pans coming from the large kitchen inside.

“I _told you_ we didn’t need to fucking make her breakfast, Sam.” Higgs said, he tried to open the screen door only for it to be locked. _What is the point?_ He could _simply_ _cut the screen_ and get inside if they’re going to have the front door open behind it like that. _So why did they lock it?!_ “What the fuck.” Higgs muttered and yanked the handle again. “They _knew_ we were coming...”

Sam looked down at Lou cradled in his arms and gently put a finger over her mouth before she got the chance to mimic Higgs’ cursing. Lou feigned innocence and turned her head away from her reflection in the dark glass of Sam’s helmet, yawing against his finger. The two winced together in unison at the sound of Higgs scratching his long nails down the door’s screen.

“Don’t think you can call macaroni and cheese and hot chocolate breakfast.” Sam nudged Higgs away from the door with his shoulder before Higgs could scratch up the screen any further.

“I don’t fuc-” Higgs caught himself. “I don’t _know_ how to _make_ anything _else_ , Sam.” He spat out, fully aware he was being overly defensive. Higgs took his glove out of his pocket and pulled it back over his hand, his fingernails still tingled from scratching up against the netted metal. He grabbed the duffel bag Sam had packed that morning for Lou while he cooked off the ground and wiggled his fingers over the strap. “Got the job done didn’t it? You both ate it.”

“Yum.” Lou happily cooed and patted her full stomach. Sam had wrapped Lou up in cute warm winter clothes in various shades of green and Higgs reckoned it must of looked like she’s been kidnapped by aliens what with Sam and him standing on the porch dressed like they’re on their way to Mars.

“See?” Higgs leaned over Sam and poked Lou’s stomach. “She loved it.”

“She did.” The glass of their visors clinked against another when Sam nuzzled their heads together. “Egg aren’t hard Higgs, I’ll show you how to make ‘em later.”

“Think I’m good.” Higgs tickled Lou’s stomach and returned Sam’s nuzzle, making the glass clink once more. _It’s like our helmets are kissing…_

“George!” Sam called out. “It’s The Monaghans.”

Higgs couldn’t contain the _humiliating giggle fit_ that bubbled up from his stomach hearing Sam address themselves as _The Monaghan_ s, it made Higgs _so happy_ to the point of turning him _virtually brain dead_ every time Sam’s said it.

“Good morning!” George ran up and greeted his _no doubt favorite_ neighbors, unlocking the screen door. He wore a yellow apron over his plaid pajamas, with a tile pattern of _the very same_ smiling green frog Sam had a toy of on their bookshelf.  
  
If Higgs poked one of the frogs on George’s apron would the apron itself make that babbling sound the toy did?

Or would George himself start making it?  
Higgs made a mental note to find out sometime in the future.

“Morning George. Mind if me and Higgs pop in for a minute?” Sam asked while Lou and Higgs waved good morning to George together.

“Not at all.” George waved back, he held the door open for _the couple_ and _their_ _child._ “Please come in.”

Higgs felt giddy again.

“Thank you.” Sam walked through the doorway and hoisted up Lou over his shoulders. He took Higgs’ freehand into his and walked _his family_ into the large, rustic kitchen with Lou cheering atop his shoulders and Higgs squeezing their gloved fingers tighter together. _I want to ride his shoulders too._ “We’ll be outta your hair in a second.”

The Mifune residence was a good bit larger than the house Sam and Higgs called home. George, _being The Architect and all,_ likely penned out the blueprints for his home himself. There was a second floor and plenty of spare rooms for the other artistic pursuits him and his wife took on, including the large kitchen for George’s main hobby: cooking.

“It is really no trouble at all.” George rolled up the sleeves of his pajama shirt to over elbows and tied his hair back in a ponytail. “Please make yourself at home, have you had breakfast?”

“Higgs took care of us, right Lou?” Sam let go of Higgs’ hand and lifted Lou up. She giggled and happily flailed her arms. Sam sat Lou down on the kitchen table and helped her out of little parka and winter hat. “Sure she’ll be up for a snack in an hour or two.”

“Be careful, George. She’ll eat you out of house and home if you let her.” Higgs put the duffel bag down on the table and lifted Lou up himself. He spun her around before he placed her down in her highchair that Sam had brought over the night before while Higgs himself helped Lou pack up her favorites toys into her purple backpack.

“He’s right.” Sam placed said backpack down next to the white duffel bag.

“Like a _bottomless pit,_ this kid.” Higgs unzipped Lou’s backpack and handed Lou her plush dogs corresponding to him and Sam. Lou squeezed the jackal and sheepdog together and happily kicked her legs up in her highchair.

“Penny and I have made sure to stock up.” George said as he washed his hands in the sink.

“Where _is_ Penny?” Higgs asked, he sat down on the kitchen table and petted Lou on the head.

“She is upstairs sleeping.” George glanced at the stairway and smiled. “She has asked me to tell you both to have fun.”

“ _Well?_ ”

“Have fun!”

“Glad you could convince her to get some sleep.” Sam zipped Lou’s backpack back up and placed the small soft toy of a red cat based on the infant herself down in front of her. “She needs plenty of it.”

“Sam, it ain’t their first time.” Higgs laughed and patted Sam on the back.

“I know.” Sam sighed. Since Penny became more visibly pregnant Sam had started to worry about their friend and would check in on the family often. Higgs knew why, and it broke his heart thinking about it, so he tried not to.

“We both appreciate it, Sam.” George moved to the chopping block and started mincing a spring onion. “You have been a lot of help to us.”

“Hey, you too.” Sam did _the damnedest thing_ and placed his palm flat on the glass of his fake oxygen helmet. He slid the visor upwards and it retracted upwards into the soft, thick plastic. Higgs would of never guessed it did that.

Well _duh_ he would _of never guessed_ it did that.  
That was the fucking point, to look real when it wasn’t.  
What fucking ever! Higgs thinks it’s rather clever. _That’s all!_  
  
“Would you look at that!” Higgs lifted his own visor.

“See you soon, kid.” Sam smiled at Lou holding her toy jackal up to him and kissed it on the snout before giving Lou a kiss on the forehead.

“Don’t go destroying our neighbors lovely home, you hear me?” Higgs kissed Lou on the cheek and she happily grabbed Higgs’ nose and pulled on it. “Brat!”  
  
Sam and Lou laughed together. Lou yawned and rest her head atop the soft toy dogs on the kitchen table, the red cat squished between them.

“You get some shut eye too, Lou.” Sam gave her another kiss goodbye on the forehead, Lou nodded and shut her eyes. “We’ll be back before you know it.”

“George, tell Penny that me an’ Sam are goin’ to have _plenty_ of fun~!” Higgs announced once he was sure Lou was asleep. He stood up from the kitchen table and walked up to the refrigerator to get a better look at the plastic statues standing on top of it.

Higgs picked out a figurine of pretty boy with platinum hair wearing some kind of skintight bodysuit and wielding a sword. His haircut and sharp facial features reminded Higgs of Sam, especially the eyes. Higgs turned the statue to get a better look between the pretty boy’s legs and decided that whoever this is suppose to be, he likes him.  
  
_Reckon he’d be real fun to fuck with,_ if he was an actual person that is.  
Looked _real fun to lick too,_ statue or not.  
_Seein’ how Lou is asleep… Should be fine._

“Work comes first.” Sam rescued the figurine out of Higgs’ grasp and carefully put it back on top of the fridge behind a row of small figures of cutesy looking girls with big heads and a lack of pants. _Lucky little assholes_ , Higgs wished he didn’t have to wear pants.  
  
“Sam.” Higgs whispered, he didn’t like having a toy taken away from him. Not one bit. “I was _looking_ at that.”

“That ain’t yours to lick.” Sam whispered back and raised his voice to continue what he was saying. “I’ll try and take it easy when I can, but work always comes first. Don’t matter who is with me or what I’m wearing.”

“That reminds me, Higgs I was wondering if I could ask you something.” George politely scooted Sam and Higgs away from his refrigerator and took out a carton of eggs.

“ _Ask away_ , George. You’re doin’ me a favor and lookin’ after my little girl an’ all.”  
  
“Could I see?” George asked, a smile crept across his face. He put the eggs down next to the chopping block and held his hands over his head to mimic cat ears.

“You _could,_ but _I’m afraid_ we _must_ be on our way.” Higgs slid his visor down and watched George quickly get back to cooking.

“Peter has our spare key if you need anything.” Sam added.

“Noted.” George waved to them both until they were out the door.

It was still dark and cold outside when Sam closed both doors behind them and walked Higgs back over to his bike. They’d have to bring some things over from home and then load up that van Sam has been fixing up with the deliveries for the Timefall Farm after this. Higgs wasn’t looking forward to it, Sam over-packed and kept insisting that there is _no such thing_ when Higgs brought it up.

“Hey, Higgs?”

“Yes, Sam?”

“Do cat ears mean something like. Sexual?”

“ _No,_ Sam.” Higgs laughed and sat down on Sam’s bike.

“What do they mean then?” Sam blinked. “Just thought it’d look cute but Peter and Penny freaked out when I asked for ‘em.”

“Don’t mean anythin’ they, in fact, _just look cute_.” Higgs started to play with his visor, pulling it back down and up again. “It’s some _nerd shit,_ Sam, don’t go worryin’ your pretty ol’ head about it.” He was waiting to hear Sam scold him with something like _Hey! Cut it out before you break it, Higgs._

Sam leaned down and grabbed Higgs’ wrist before he could he slide the visor back down and _kissed him_ instead.

“Now what’s _that_ for, Sammy boy?”

“You’re great with her, Higgs.” Sam smiled one of those big warm genuine smiles that always got Higgs’ heart beating fast with the way Sam’s sleepy face lit up.

“I am?”

“You are.” Sam kissed Higgs again. “Hope you know it means the world to me.”

“Reckon I do now.” Higgs shrugged, he wished he could _just get himself to be fucking genuine_ about how much he cared about Lou. “Gotta make up for when I shot her, that’s all.”

Sam frowned. _Shit!_ He shouldn’t of fucking brought that up.

“You ever worry we don’t do enough for her?” Wait, _that’s_ why he’s frowning?

“Sam, last time I checked you do fuckin’ everything for that little girl. There ain’t anythin’ you could be doin’ that you ain’t already doing.” _It was probably both._

“You wanna get going?” Sam’s smile _thankfully_ returned, Higgs has to be doing something right.

“I...” Higgs looked away. “If it ain’t much trouble I wanna say goodbye to Convoy again.”

“No trouble at all.”

The sun wouldn’t be up for another hour or so, Higgs got off of Sam’s bike and grabbed him by the wrist. He rushed him back inside The Mifune residence so they could both give Lou a proper hug goodbye before they headed off to Peter’s house.

* * *

For the longest time Sam had assumed that Peter lived in the workshop he shared with his mother. San was surprised when he learned that Peter had a house and even more surprised when Higgs told him he lived on one of the hills about a mile behind their house. It wasn’t anything personal, Sam is sure he still liked Peter as much as he did before finding out about him being a member of the Homo Demens. Didn’t make any sense for him to be with somebody as bad as Higgs was (and Sam will be honest still is) and then turn his back on Peter. Plus this whole cousin thing, true or not, Sam was sure it’d keep Peter from trying anything funny.

_Why do I keep thinking Peter’s going to even try and do anything funny?_ Sam chased the thought away and kept his eyes glued to the dirt road. He had never been the jealous type before and he can’t figure out why he suddenly was when it came to Higgs. Sam enjoyed being able to take his bike out, didn’t matter what time of day, and finally having Higgs riding along with him made it even better.  
  
“Sam!” Higgs called out and pointed to their own house off in the distance. Klaus and Gretchen were standing on their porch, the latter smoking a cigarette. “Look! Twins!”

“Your brother is there too.” Sam pointed to John’s pickup parked in front of their garage.

“Real fucking funny. Never get sick of hearin’ that one a hundred fucking time.” Higgs squeezed Sam’s chest through his jumpsuit. Is that suppose to be some kind of punishment? It felt good.

“You want me to call him your uncle instead?” Sam liked that, John’s a good guy unlike that piece of shit uncle Higgs still kept calling daddy. He found the whole thing kind of far fetched but still liked the idea of Higgs having some real family out there besides him and Lou.

“If _you must._ ” Higgs sighed. “What do you think they want?”  
  
“Let’s find out.” Sam stopped in front of their house and kept the engine on, Higgs squeezed his chest again. “Good morning!”

“Good morning!” Gretchen handed Klaus her cigarette and ran up to them. “Figured you could use a hand.”

“Course. Mind waiting a little longer?” Sam fished his keys out of his pocket and pointed to the garage key before handing them to Gretchen. “Higgs needs to have a word with Peter. Then we’ll be back.”

“Go see Peter, let us handle it.” Gretchen tossed the keys to John.

“Sam didn’t _know_ he’s _our neighbor_ ~” Higgs teased and looked over to Klaus, the old man was avoiding looking at both him and Sam. Sam felt guilty about the… incident in the hot springs behind Klaus’ house.

“Boy’s barely ever home.” John shook his head and made his way to unlock the garage.  
  
“Can’t make you guys haul it all over like that. It’s our stuff.” Sam patted Higgs’ hand. “Only right we help out.”

“He _over-packed_.” Higgs rocked against Sam on his bike, Sam tried to not think about how Higgs was probably enjoying the way his bike vibrated too much. Not when three of their neighbors are in front of them.

“Meet us over at the post office. I mean it, we’ll handle it for you two.” Gretchen patted Sam on the shoulder. Sam bit down his guilt and nodded. He wished he didn’t have such a hard time accepting help from others.

“We’ll meet you there!” Sam started his bike back up and continued back along the dirt road.  
  
The lanterns that lit up the road still looked nice without any leaves on the branches they hung down from. Sam drove towards where the dirt road forked and took the road there for the first time, he had always assumed this looped back around to Gretchen’s farm whenever he saw Higgs walking back home that way.

“ _Sam~”_ Higgs purred in a sultry voice over the sound of the engine and groped Sam’s chest with both hands. “Think I might be _getting an interest_ in your _favorite_ _little hobby_ here.”

“Nice.” Sam blurted out, even if he didn’t it wasn’t like he had single fuckin’ clue how to reply with anything else. Higgs’ hadn’t been trying to punish or annoy him, he was just getting off on the feeling of riding Sam’s bike alone with him, ultra sensitive to even the slightest sensual touch as always, and _damn_ did Sam think that was _nice._  
  
“ _Nice_ _~!_ ” Higgs laughed. “Turn right and up that hill, Sam~! Only a little further now.”  
  
“Until Peter’s house or?” Sam pulled off the dirt road and shifted gears. He drove them up the grassy hill, thankful it wasn’t too steep so he didn’t have to actually pay much attention to what he was doing.

“ _Or~?”_

‘Want me to finish up for you right in front of Peter’s house?’ _No wa_ _y._

‘Keep my bike on and make it vibrate real nice for you, spread your legs open and turn you towards his window?’ _Dude. No way._

‘Let Peter wake up and see how who his real boss is.’ _Stop._  
  
“We’re here.” Sam parked his bike and Higgs groaned in frustration. _Good._

The cozy looking little house with it’s dark green roof and big chimney was something Sam himself wouldn’t mind living in. Its front door was painted the same matching green as the roof and it looked like Peter had forgot to lock it. Higgs let himself in before Sam could stop him, the interior layout was similar to their house and decorated like an old log cabin you’d find in one of Lou’s picture books. There was even a mounted deer head up on the wall that Sam figured belonged to Peter’s father. Could be his too, Klaus had a thing for camping and hunting so it would make sense his son did to. Sam couldn’t imagine Peter hunting, but he still couldn’t imagine him being a terrorist ether. Nobody is ever exactly who they seem. Sam knows that much.  
  
“Think he caught that?” Sam asked, keeping his voice down when he asked and pointed to the deer.

“Our local _Norman Bates_ doesn’t only stuff ‘em but catches ‘em himself.” _Who the fuck is Norman Bates?_

Peter was passed out on his couch with his own black cat curled up on top of him. Sam didn’t know what Peter’s cat was named, but he could take a wild guess that he probably named it Higgs. Peter had already set up Convoy’s toys including the cat tower that the much bigger black cat was busy playing on. Higgs unfastened his fake oxygen helmet from his jumpsuit and put it down on Peter’s kitchen counter. He probably wanted to stay a while to avoid having to help load their things in the van. Sam sighed and did the same, maybe he should of gave in and fucked Higgs on his bike instead. Lord knows he’s thought about doing it enough. Be a way fuckin’ better way to waste time than listening to Peter snore.

“Convoy~!” Higgs walked up to the cat tower with open arms. Convoy meowed and leapt into Higgs’ arms.

The longer Sam looked at Convoy and Higgs nuzzling their heads together the more Convoy looked off. Sam looked down to Convoy’s empty food bowl and saw a few tiny scraps of raw meat left over, Peter must of fed him when he got home.

“Higgs, is it me or did Convoy get bigger?” Sam whispered, he knew it sounded weird but Sam was sure Convoy had grown since this morning. He knows it doesn’t make any sense but Sam has a theory that, somehow, Convoy got bigger every time he’s fed.

Is Higgs putting something in Convoy’s food?  
What could he even put?  
Sam’s seen him make it multiple times and it’s just raw beef and mashed baby carrots.  
Sometimes he didn’t even put in the carrots and just blended up a giant bloody block of beef fresh from Gretchen’s farm.

“Why are you whispering?” Higgs kissed his cat on one his fluffy cheeks and put him down.

“Because I’m not a fuckin’ asshole?” Sam whispered again and Higgs laughed. He got on his knees and held his arm out to Convoy.

Convoy cautiously approached Sam and rubbed his head against Sam’s palm, sniffing Sam. Higgs wouldn’t tell Sam where he got him, along with what happened to the writing on his forehead and eyebrows, and he insisted that Convoy was a lion cub. With his big round ears Convoy did look like a lion cub, Sam will give Higgs that, but Sam couldn’t find anything about black lions and Convoy wasn’t black like Peter’s cat was black or even black like Higgs’ hair. No, Convoy was almost pitch fuckin’ black. Sam knows it’s crazy but sometimes, especially in the dark, Convoy’s unnatural sparkly gold eyes up against his black fur so dark all Sam could see was dripping tar made Sam think of--

“PETER!” Higgs shouted and knocked Sam off his train of thought. Peter’s own cat scurried off and Convoy jumped on top of him. “WAKE THE FUCK UP!”

“Boss!” Peter sprung up and saluted Higgs.

“Go sleep in your bed proper!” Higgs poked Peter on the forehead. “You’ll _catch a cold._ ”

“I can’t boss.” Peter rubbed his eyes and stroked down Convoy’s back. Convoy licked Peter’s face and hopped back on top of his cat tower and watched Peter’s cat crawl into the cubbyhole on the bottom. “My brother is visiting sir, so I let him have my room. He’s sleeping in there right now, sir!”

“Not anymore he’s not.” Ian, Peter’s twin brother, yawned as he walked out of the hallway into the living room in his boxers and a big white t-shirt with three bikini clad women covered in syrup posing atop giant pancakes printed on it. “Is that Higgs?”

Being one of the few independent porters left alongside him, Sam wasn’t used to seeing Ian out of uniform and without his balaclava covering his face. Him and Peter looked almost exactly alike only Ian’s curly hair was bright red instead of black. He looked skinnier than his brother too without his porter uniform on, but Sam wasn’t sure. Ian had this odd manner of talking Sam didn’t know how to describe, it was like he knew more than he did without really knowing anything at all, if that made any sense. He would ask him about something one second, and then the next be an expert on it, only to suddenly go right back to being clueless about it.

Ian also drank too much, but overall Sam liked him.

“Sorry about that.” Sam waved to Ian.  
  
“I’m _not._ ” Higgs crossed his arms, he seemed oddly intimidated by Ian. Why?

“Is that Higgs?” Ian asked again and scratched his stomach under his t-shirt. He made his way to Peter’s open kitchen and Sam followed behind him, hoping he could help with something to make up for Higgs’ waking Ian up.

“Peter!” Higgs yelled before Peter got the chance answer his brother and dragged Peter off the couch by one of his legs. Sam wished he hadn’t noticed that Peter and Ian wore the same type of boxers. “Go the fuck to bed!”

“Yes sir!” Peter pulled his pants up and knelt in front of the cat tower. “Come here, Higgs.”  
  
“ _Excuse_ me?” Higgs stood behind Peter and leered down at him. “ _Peter,_ you _think_ that _you_ of _all people_ , after _what you’ve done_ , get to _address me_ by–”

“My cat, sir.” Peter replied, _I knew it._ Higgs (the cat) crawled into Peter’s arms and he stood up.

“I… _See._ ” Higgs seemed torn on how he felt about it. He picked Convoy up and hugged him close to his chest. Higgs’ whispered something to Convoy that Sam couldn’t make out and Convoy followed Peter and his cat down the hallway.

“Dude, he is so fucking loud.” Ian grabbed a colorful box of cereal off the shelf. “He’s Higgs, right?”

“He’s Higgs.” Sam handed Ian a bowl for his cereal. “You don’t know the half of it.”

“Yeah I fucking do my man, I got a wicked hangover dude.” Ian poured his cereal and started to eat it with his hands like a bowl of chips. “Higgs ever tell you that Pete makes a mean cosmopolitan?”

“Ian. You’ve always got a hangover.”

“Got a real problem if I get access to girly drinks. Guess that means I’m something of a ladies man, y’know?”

Sam and Ian stared at another in silence, Higgs and Peter didn’t say anything ether. Sam started to open his mouth and Ian shook his head no.

“Pity laughter is worse than no laughter, joke sucked.” Ian sighed. “Congratulations on your terrorist boyfriend.”

“I’m his _husband!_ ” Higgs shouted across the room, he stared down the hallway and groaned. “PETER!”

“Not until you two make it official, cousin!” Ian called out, him and Sam peered down the hallway together at Higgs marching towards Peter. “…Am I Higgs’ cousin?”  
  
“Yeah?” Sam doesn’t actually know, so he couldn’t really answer. “Did Peter tell you?”

“Nope.”

Peter stood in front of his bedroom door with Higgs (the cat) and Convoy by his side. He was staring at Higgs who stared right back at him while the two cats groomed another.

“Sorry, sir.” Peter began. “It’s just--”

Higgs groaned again and hugged Peter.

“Don’t cry.”

“B-Boss!!”

“I said _don’t cry_ , moron!”

“Boss! Please have fun! You deserve it!” Peter sobbed and squeezed Higgs tight. “Ah!! Boss is hugging me! Ian! Boss is hugging me!”

“ _Stop!_ Holy shit!” Higgs pushed Peter away. “No fucking shit I deserve it! I have to deal with a _dumbass fucking Judas_ like _you_ every _damn fucking day!_ Did you even tell your brother you’re the reason he’s _still alive?!_ ”

“What.” Ian looked at Sam. “What does that mean?”

“Don’t, don’t worry about it?” Sam wasn’t sure how to answer. “Hey. I like your shirt.”

“It’s a great album. Not their best album but a great one.” Ian started to ramble and Sam pretended to listen to him while he continued to listen to Peter and Higgs’ conversation.

“N-No!” Peter pulled Higgs back into another hug.

“Do it you stupid fuck! _Don’t fucking touch me!_ ” Higgs pushed Peter off of him. “After you’ve gotten some _fucking sleep_!”

“Yes sir! Sorry sir! Boss! You deserve everything!”

“I _know_ I do you _fucking suck up!_ ” Higgs kicked Peter’s bedroom door open. “You want me to read you a fucking bedroom story?! You stupid fuck! _How dare you_ fucking touch me!”

“Higgs sure likes saying fuck a lot.” Ian looked up from the coffee maker and rubbed his temples.

“Good night sir!” Peter grabbed his cat and hurried into his bedroom, Higgs smashed the door shut behind him after he did. Convoy jumped up into Higgs’ arms and Higgs petted him as he joined Ian and Sam in the kitchen.

“Can I get a hug too?” Ian put his coffee mug down and stared straight at it. “Where… Where did this come from...” He muttered.

Higgs flipped Ian off and placed Convoy down on the breakfast nook.

“That’s cold dude.” Ian poured himself some more cereal and continued eating it dry. “Finally get to meet you and no hug? We’re cousins, my man. Fucking sucks.”

“Don’t you want some milk?” Sam asked.

“Nah dude.” Ian poked his index fingers into Sam’s chest. “Know you got plenty but I’m good.” Higgs exploded into laughter and Ian threw his fist up into victory. He suddenly froze in place and grabbed the coffee mug and held it up to Sam, pointing at it.

Sam shook his head no, he would realize after that Ian wasn’t asking if Sam wanted it but if Sam had made it.

“What sorta cat is that thing?” Ian asked, he held both the bowl and the mug up to Higgs and Higgs gleefully took both, shoveling the rest of the dry cereal into his mouth.

“Are you as dense as your brother?” Higgs sniffed the mug and took a sip. “He’s _a lion._ ”

“I believe that you believe that.” Ian grabbed the mug before Higgs could toss it into sink along with the cereal bowl. “Little armadillo, believe in anything and it might just happen.”  
  
So it was Ian who called Higgs an armadillo.  
Wait, didn’t they just meet today?

“Don’t believe in shit.” Higgs scratched under Convoy’s chin. “He _is_ a lion.”

“Guess what I believe in!” Ian tugged on his shirt. “Just listen to the rhythm of my heart, dude.”

“He’s fucking with you, Ian.” Sam patted Ian on the shoulder. “Thanks for the coffee.”

“It takes like, a minute to make this stuff. Higgs, did you want hot chocolate instead?” Ian held a finger up to Higgs. “We’ve kissed now.”

“Pardon me?”

“I kissed Sam too.”

“PARDON FUCKING ME?”

“Higgs, we shared a beer.” Sam laughed.

“Indirect kisses are the only kind I get.” Ian squished Convoy’s face and both Sam and Higgs were shocked Convoy let him. “I fucking hate beer but that shit was so worth it. Don’t go yet.”

“Ian! Tell me~! Was _little Pete_ up _all night_ fretting?”

“Yup.”

“And yet he _still_ forgot.”

“Yuuuuup.” Ian took a long sip of coffee.

“What did he forget?” Sam asked, confused what they could be talking about without ever having talked to another before today.

Ian held up a finger for Sam to wait a moment and headed over the couch. He put his mug down on the wooden coffee and crawled over the couch. Sam followed him, Higgs stayed behind with Convoy to raid Peter’s fridge.

“This.” Ian pulled out a Magpie bag from behind Peter’s couch and handed it to Sam.

“Where is it heading?”

“Lake knot.” Higgs downed a stolen carton of strawberry milk.

“Higgs. If this is some kind of–”

“It ain’t.” Higgs floated into the living room with Convoy crawling over his shoulders and sat down on the couch. “It’s for his boyfriend, Peter told me _all_ about it in case he forgot. _Which he_ _did~_ ”

...What?

Did Sam hear that right?  
Peter has a boyfriend?  
But isn’t he…

“His name is Martin.” Ian sat down next to Higgs and Convoy moved over to his shoulders.

...Met him after when he thought Higgs was dead?  
Maybe?

“Same Martin from before Peter joined up with me?” Higgs asked. “Thought they broke up _again_ a couple years ago.”

...Or not…

“Wouldn’t say they’ve ever really broken up, you’ve been there haven’t ya, Higgs?”  
  
“Reckon so. Let’s get going, Sam.”

Sam doesn’t know what to think.  
He just knows he feels like an asshole.  
Still, Peter had wanted to...

“Sam!”

“Yeah?!” Sam jumped and Higgs tilted his head in confusion.

“I said let’s get going.”

“Right.”

“Have a good one my dudes.” Ian patted his lap and Convoy curled up on top of it. Higgs stood up and kissed Convoy on the forehead goodbye. After much hesitation, Higgs gave Ian a hug. “Hell fucking yeah. Give me leprosy!”

“Why in the fuck are you like this?”

“But Higgs, we’ve never met before.”

“..”

“Be happy it’s not Sam hugging me.” Ian wiggled a jar of hangover medicine in front of Higgs and winked. “It took a ton of restraint.”  
  
“Ian. I'll hug you.” Sam fixed his helmet to his jumpsuit and handed Higgs his, he hung the handle of the Magpie bag around his wrist for safe keeping and opened his arms towards Ian who grinned up at him.

“We’re _leaving_ , Sam.” Higgs put his helmet on and tugged Sam by the arm towards the door.

“Always with the leading somebody around by the arm.” Ian turned on Peter’s scratched behind Convoy’s ears.  
  
“See you around, Ian!”  
  
“I’m always around.”

Higgs slammed the door behind them.

“Sam! I ain’t sure how to make you understand this. I know you ain’t on _the same level_ as I am when it comes to _transcendental_ _understanding_ but surely _even you_ realized _that man_ wasn’t Ian. _Part_ of him is Ian, sure, he’s _too afraid_ to go _all the way_ , Sam. This isn’t a matter of Ka or Ha we’ve got going on here, let’s give you an easy _example._ It’s _like an avatar_.”

“Boyfriend...” Sam muttered, staring into the paper bag and barely listening to Higgs.  
  
“Is _that_ what you’re more concerned with?” Higgs shook his head and sighed. “You want to call me your boyfriend from now on?”  
  
“Huh? Sure.”

“I _do_ want a ring.”

“I’m sorry Higgs, I’m kinda confused.”

“Then allow me to explain!”

“Not about that.” Sam knew him longer than Higgs and Ian was just a weird alcoholic. Whatever theory Higgs had about the weird way Ian acted sometimes, it ain’t that deep as far as Sam is concerned.

“Then about _what_ are you _so confused?”_

“Higgs, isn’t Peter in love with you?” Sam bit the bullet and just asked, he’d put it off long enough.

“He is not.”

“What?”

“Trust me, Sam. He’s not.” Higgs fastened his helmet to his jumpsuit properly.

“Well. Good.”

“See Sam~? Now you don’t have to beat him up anymore~!” Higgs lifted his visor to grin down at Sam the same way Ian had been grinning up at him before. He’d only beaten Peter up that one time, but Higgs loved bringing it up. He upright told Sam he got off on it, didn’t he?

“Nah. I’d just feel bad about a guy being in love with his cousin.” Sam sat down on his bike.

“ _I will fucking kill you.”_

“So who is that if it’s not Ian?” Sam started his bike.

“Sam, I am being serious when I say I don’t think you’d understand.” Higgs sighed again. He got behind Sam and wrapped his arms around him.

“I believe that you believe that.”

“DON’T MAKE HIM QUOTE YOU. UNFUNNY FUCK.”

“What?!”

* * *

The sun had started to rise while Klaus, who Higgs reckoned must be _still traumatized,_ kept his head down and checked everything was in order in the back of van. His sister, John, and Sam stared at Higgs with big smiles of anticipation that made Higgs _uncomfortable_ to say the least.

“Well?” Gretchen stank like cigarettes.

“Should more than get you where you need to go.” John smelled like second hand smoke.

“Higgs?” Sam smelled like he always did, which Higgs liked but he was _still_ uncomfortable. “What do you think?”

“ _What do I think_?” Higgs looked over the van. “It’s a car.”

“He is not wrong.” Klaus note and closed the side door. “I have to get going. Gretchen?”

“I’m coming.” Gretchen was the best at hiding her disappointment, she waved them goodbye and followed her brother off into the chilly morning. “Take care.”

“See you around, Greta.”

“You can trust me to get everything there on time in one piece.”

Sam and John however both had horrible poker faces, and the look of disappointment on both their faces made Higgs feel _guilty_ to the point _he couldn’t fucking stand it._ Higgs already felt bad enough that he didn’t help load any of the supplies or deliveries, and when he had been checking his mushrooms were there they went and put Sam’s bike on the back of Johnny’s truck without him.

“It, it makes me think of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre _._ ” Higgs wasn’t lying, it did.

“The what?” Sam frowned. _It did!_

“It’s a movie, Sam.” Higgs pulled the straps of his porter backpack. “Old as fucking hell one, bet that buddy of yours likes it.”

“Van in that movie is a Ford.” John corrected him, _not that Higgs had asked_. “This here is a Volkswagen.”  
  
“How _interesting._ ”

“Finn loves that movie.” John reached into his pocket and tossed Sam his keys.

“I _know_ Johnny, _who_ do you think showed me it?”

“Did he?” John ran his hand through his beard and smiled. “Nice of you to humor the lad.”

“I wasn’t _humoring_ him, I had fun watchin’ it with your _brat_.” Higgs watched John get into his truck and slowly lifted his hands and started to wave him goodbye. “Tell… Tell Finn I’ll see him later!”

“Will do!” John waved back and started his truck, he had things to do. He couldn’t stand around and shoot the shit. Higgs hates how he’s going to miss him, how he’s gonna miss all of them. It wasn’t like he was leaving for good, so why did it feel like he was? He’s going off to _have_ fun. Higgs took one last look at the little town and rested his head on Sam’s shoulder.

“The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.” Sam chuckled.

“Sam, it’s a good movie.”

“I’ll take your word for it.”

* * *

Nothing changed.

The real world looked the same as it always did, whether it had been when Higgs wandered the desert with his shirt caked in his daddy’s dried blood or when Bridget sent him hurtling back from the beach into the old ruined shelter. How long had it been now that Higgs has been living in Gretchen’s cozy little lie with Sam and Lou? It couldn’t have been more than a month.

_Only a month._

“ _So_ , Sam, what is _special_ about this helmet?” Higgs asked, Wildpferdeherde so far away already it was _barely even_ a speck behind them.

“That’s right.” Sam stopped the van. “Almost forgot. Can you pull your uniform down for me?”

“ _Can_ I?” Higgs eagerly unbuckled his black body armor.

Sam had come up with _the horrible idea_ after Higgs and him got caught in the act in the local hot springs that the two of them _swear_ what Higgs called _a short oath of celibacy_ until their trip porting together and Higgs made _the horrible mistake_ of agreeing to it. He didn’t want to pass up the chance to further encourage Sam engaging in such _perverse_ behavior, even when it was something he wasn’t personally into. His encouragement was rewarded with Sam now _kicking him out_ of the shower, somehow thinking Higgs wouldn’t realize that he was jacking off in there. _Which is fucking cheating._ Next time Higgs would enforce a strict no masturbation rule.

“Surprised you didn’t notice it.” Sam reached over to Higgs and unzipped his jumpsuit, and it alone was enough to make Higgs start chewing on his bottom lip. Sam undid the clip of Higgs’ black leather leash off of his matching collar and promptly zipped Higgs’ disguise back up.

Before Higgs could open his mouth to _voice his discontent_ Sam clipped the leash to a small metal loop at the front of Higgs’ helmet where it fastened to his jumpsuit. _Now ain’t that something!_

“Real simple.” Sam wrapped Higgs’ leash around the headrest of the passenger seat. “Think you get the idea.”

“Bet your bottom fucking dollar I do!” Higgs sat upright in excitement and fixed his buckle. “You _are_ dirty, Sam.”

“I know.” Sam patted Higgs on the head and chuckled at the happy chirp Higgs let out in response. He moved to withdraw his hand only for Higgs to grab Sam’s hand by the wrist with both hands and push it back down on his head..

“Not so fast, Sammy Boy.”

“There, there. Good kitty.” Sam patted Higgs’ head again, and then again. He continued until Higgs was satisfied enough to let go of his hand.

“All good?”

“That’ll do.”

“Alright. First things first.” Sam started adjusted his seat and tapped _the little ghost_ , Higgs wondered if he had a name, that hung from the rear view mirror. “Before we get going we gotta get our story straight. Just in case.”

“Expectin’ me to get anything _straight_ when you’re around is one hell of a tall order, Sam.”

“What-” Sam cracked up and started the van, shaking his head. “Higgs how do you come up with this stuff?”

“Come up with what?” Higgs shrugged, _he loved_ how easy it was to make Sam laugh at even his _worst_ _jokes._ “Sam _I forgot_ I even _like girls_ until I saw that chick in Carrie the other week.”

_Now Sam, you reply with ‘you like girls?’_

“Wasn’t she like. Sixteen?” _Sam, what the fuck._

“The _character_ maybe, but the _actress_ was well into her twenties.” Higgs had to remind himself that Sam had been barely paying attention when they watched Carrie with Finn to keep from getting _insulted._ “I like ‘em young but _not that_ young.”

“Since when do you like them young?” Sam sounded genuinely confused. “Higgs. The other day you called yourself a grave robber.”

“Sam, you’re fifty fucking two.” Higgs teased. “I’d call that a grave robbery.”

“Fifty-three.”

“Since WHEN?!” Higgs exclaimed loud enough that Sam almost crashed into a nearby tree. “Why _the FUCK_ didn’t you _tell_ me?!”

“Don’t worry about it. Alright?” Sam sighed, looked like his birthday was a sore topic. “Anyway. Higgs, I’m surprised you liked that girl.”

“Why?” Higgs decided he’d push more on Sam’s birthday another time, when there was zero chance of them getting into an automobile accident. Still, felt weird _actually letting_ Sam change the topic.

“She had uh.” Sam took his hands off the wheel for a second, _so much for avoiding an accident_ , and gestured to his chest. “Kinda small.”

“Sam, that’s _still_ rude even if you don’t _outright_ say it.” Higgs laughed. “I ain’t into girls with big tits.”

“Bull fuckin’ shit you’re not into big tits!” Sam sounded _offended._ “You almost bit my nipple off!”

“Keyword being _girls_ , Sam!” Higgs snickered, enjoying himself. “My taste in men and my taste in women are night an’ day.”

“So old dudes and young girls?” Sam shifted gears and drove onto a wide, half finished road made of dirt and gravel.

“ _Younger_ girls, as in _women_ that are _younger_ than I am.” Higgs groaned, no longer enjoying himself. “Sam, I’m not a fucking creep.”

“Yes you are.” Sam snorted.

“Not _that kind_ of creep!”

“I know!” Sam patted Higgs’ shoulder. “Baby, I didn’t think you were.”

“Tell you what Sam, I’ve _creeped_ _on literally one_ person and he happens to be _sitting right next to me_.” Higgs huffed, it was torture not being able to shoot Sam exaggerated dirty looks. “Sam, you _already know_ my taste in women.”

“… Right.” Sam replied after a moment of uncomfortable silence.

_That ain’t what I meant to do._ Higgs should of _known_ better, but what _could_ he do when he can’t exactly up and erase the past?

He had been in _something like_ _love_ with Sam’s adoptive mother who was pretending to be his sister when he met him. Higgs never did touch himself to her or anything, he had too much of _complex_ about _her purity,_ but he taunted Sam enough times with it that Sam _probably thought he_ _did_ sleep with ‘Ameile’ or at least wanted to, and he _had wanted to_.

Even if the thought was repulsive to Higgs now with what she did to him and _more importantly_ _what she_ _fucking_ _did to Sam,_ _who never fucking deserved any of it like I did._ With how old she actually was and _more importantly_ _who she_ _actually was_ _._ With how she didn’t even _try_ to hide _the fucking disgust_ on her face when she saw Higgs naked after she agreed to help him mark his body _and more importantly how much_ _that fucking hurt after she had told him that he is the same as any other man_. None of that would change that once upon a time, purity complex or not, he had wanted to sleep with her _like a fucking idiot._  
  
Thinking about it made him feel sick.  
  
What made Higgs feel even more sick was the shit he pulled when it came to Cliff. His first reaction to seeing a picture of Sam’s father was to try and masturbate to it with Sam standing right there. Then his mind _instantly_ went to having a threesome with the man and Sam instead of how fucked up what he was doing was. _I’ll still think about i_ _t._ He doesn’t _want to think about it_ but he’ll pass by Cliff's photo on their wall and it’ll just pop into his _horrible little head_. Same when it came to Sam’s late wife when he spotted that beat up polaroid Sam had framed on their bedroom dresser and _I can barely even make out the woman’s face_. Plus she was _pregnant_ in the photo and there _is a demon_ next to her and Sam, Higgs was _sure_ that makes it even worse.

_If I get to see Sam’s real mama am I going to want her to fuck me alongside her son too?  
What the fuck is wrong with me?_

Higgs’ score when it came to Sam’s family was in _the negatives._  
What he wouldn’t give to go back being virtually shameless.

_Actually, maybe that’s the answer._

“Sam, I got zero use for other men, women, or anybody and anything in between these days.” Higgs crossed his legs, no point in _not being_ shameless around Sam who had him _tied up on a leash_. “I only got one _real_ type and it’s _you._ ”

“Honestly?” Sam tapped his fingers against the wheel. “I feel the same way, I sorta lost all interest in sex until you came around.”  
  
_Holy_ _fuck!  
Is_ _he serious?  
_Hearing that was like slapping a big band-aid over Higgs’ ego.

“I ever tell you that after I saw your picture I’d only _ever_ jack off _thinking about you?_ Long before we even _met_ ~? _”_

_Pathetically_ , it’s true.  
He would _desperately tr_ _y_ to masturbate to _something else_ _besides Sam_ and it _wouldn’t work.  
  
_“That’s creepy.” _It worked!_ Sam’s perked right up.  
  
Ain’t it wonderful how he’s _warped Sam_ _into liking_ _hearing_ _something like that?_  
_Or maybe Sam was always that way.  
  
_“I’d use your picture too~!” Higgs _knew_ Sam was more than well aware of that, he just wanted to _remind him_. _Speaking of._ “Sam, ain’t you forgetting something?”  
  
“I did.” It wasn’t _Y_ _ou’re right Higgs!_ but whatever. “Again, it’s only in case anybody asks. I’m a mute and I figured you’re blind.”

“Blind, like what any passin’ porters _won’t be~_?”

“Hope so.”

“Doubt _they’ll ask,_ but considerin’ Peter got us headin’ over to Lake Knot, plenty of ‘em _will see.”  
  
_Sam didn’t respond, not properly, he only made a hushed sound and Higgs wished Sam would pull over and unzip his jumpsuit again.

* * *

“ _Watching the video that you sent me...”_

Sam’s usual spacey and soft taste in music played through the van’s stereo while he drove under the bright morning sun. Soon they would arrive on the road Sam built what felt like centuries ago and Higgs was happily going through the garment bag Peter had trusted them to deliver with _no sign_ of Sam trying to stop him anytime soon. At this rate it wouldn’t be until late afternoon until they reached Lake Knot City but Higgs didn’t mind at all. Sam had told him the band he had put on while he drove _remind me of you_ and so far Higgs was pleased with the fact.

“ _You know that I'm obsessed with your body, but it's the way you smile that does it for me.”_

_Extremely pleased._

“What is that thing?” Sam asked, watching Higgs as he looked over the soft toy Peter made for Martin of whom Higgs _thinks_ he may have met _once_. “Looks like a tick.”

“Eyes on the road, Sammy boy.” Higgs put the gift back into its bag. “It’s a _isopod_.”

“Huh. Think I might of seen one before.”

“Wanna read the letter?” Higgs held up the white envelope that had been taped to the soft toy.

“Not our business.”

“You’re no fun~ Sam, he’s _my minion_ , so it is in fact _my_ business.” Higgs said and _yawned_ on accident.

“Higgs.” Sam sounded amused. _Spare me._

“What, Sam?” Higgs carefully opened the envelope and read the letter. He yawned again without thinking, not his fault when Peter’s letter was _as boring_ as _usual_.

“You’re too cute.”

“Fuck off.” Higgs stuffed the letter back into the envelope. “You _can’t even see_ my face. _Cute_ he says.” _He’s the cute one, overwhelmingly so._

“Don’t need to see it. Never did.”

“I skinned a man alive _for fun_ once.” Higgs hissed.

“No you didn’t.” Sam went silent for a moment. “I would of hear about that.”

“ _Look it up_ , Sam. I am _sure it was_ archived.”

“… What did the letter say?” _I win!_

“Peter wants that old flame of his to move in with him.” Higgs placed the envelope back into the Magpie bag. “Asked him to get hitched.”

“Hope he does.” _Sam! Who do you think did the actual skinning~?_

“Terrorist sympathizer!” Higgs happily shouted. “Sam, you’ll never guess _who_ inspired him~ No need to worry, he didn’t give out _any personal details_ , no names just like I taught him~!”

“Good luck, Peter.” Sam paused the next song that came on after the opening noted played. “Hey Higgs. Wanna make fun of me?”

“Always.”

“Had a nightmare once about you singing this to me.”

“How is me singing to you a nightmare for anyone but me?” Higgs asked. Dream must of ended with Higgs murdering Sam or something, considering Sam would always bug him to sing to Lou with him and Higgs had to tell him no _every single damn time._

“It was after Edge Knot.” Sam said, rather bluntly. _That works._

“Not gonna make fun of you for that.” Higgs was _curious_ now. “ _But,_ don’t go an’ expect me to start singin’ along.”

“Fair.” Sam pressed play.

“ _You leapt from crumbling bridges watching cityscapes turn to dust.”_

“Ain’t I always tellin’ you I can play...” Higgs let out a big yawn. “… Fair too.”

“Get some sleep, baby.” Sam rubbed Higgs back and pulled on to the road. “Gonna take a while.”  
  
_Should I tell him I helped donate materials?_ Higgs is pretty sure Sam won’t believe him. Higgs grabbed his old backpack from next to the Magpie bag and hugged it to his chest. He didn’t want to sleep just yet, not when being driven around by Sam like this felt so nice. He turned his focus to the window and tried to shift his attention on something, but watching the familiar nothingness and odd structure pass by only got his eyes feeling heavier and heavier.

“ _Your lips, my lips, apocalypse.”_

“I like it.” Higgs muttered. “But it ain’t the song I’d sing to you.”

“What would you sing to me?”

“Hood.” Higgs fell asleep hearing Sam ask by who.

* * *

Lake Knot City, Sam’s passed by a couple of times but he hasn’t visited since he and Lou and sneaked onto a cargo vessel. Not much changed in his absence and what had changed was all for the better. The tents of the abandoned MULE camp across the way had been taken down, new parking spots had been put up, and more porters that aren’t him going in and out with deliveries than ever. It was comforting for him to see, to say the least. Sam parked in one of those new parking spots and kept a mental tally of the number of porters he spotted going in and out, he counted eight porters going about their business.

Eight doesn’t sounds like a lot but in this case it meant that Lake Knot was busier than ever. Sam hadn’t seen so many porters in one place at once since he was (around) the same (estimated) age as Higgs. Be careful what you wish for, huh? Especially when you’ve got a handful of things you shouldn’t be doing to be anxious about. Sam drummed his fingers over the steering wheel and watched a porter walk by with Bridges written in all capitals down the leg of his uniform.

The sun was shining high in the sky and there wasn’t a cloud or inverted rainbow in sight over the city that weekend afternoon. It was the worst time possible to be taking another human being for a walk on a leash in public. Or maybe it was the best time, it all depended on how you looked at it. Personally, even though the whole thing was his idea in the first place, Sam would say it’s the worst. _But I know a guy who’d say it’s the best_ , Sam looked over to Higgs sound asleep in the passenger seat next to him. Higgs was curled around his backpack the same way Lou would hug her stuffed animals during a nap.

“Higgs.” Sam reached over and gently shook Higgs’ shoulder.

Higgs stirred awake and mumbled something about perfume.

“We’re here, baby.” Sam patted Higgs’ shoulder.

“No talking.” Higgs stretched his arms and yawned. “You’re _a mute_ , remember?”

“We can talk in here.” Sam unwound Higgs’ leather leash from around the headrest and clipped it to Higgs’ helmet, he looped the leash around his wrist. They’re seriously doing this, damn. “Listen. Higgs. If something comes up and you have to talk out there I need you to do uh. That voice.”

“ _And what_ voice _would that be_ , Sam?”

“C’mon.”

“Would it happen to be the _cute_ voice, Sam~?”

“Yes.”

“Do _you remember_ when I-”

“ _Yes._ ” Sam vividly remembered the last time Higgs used the cute voice and happened to have also been wearing his equally cute Bridges disguise. “We’re burning daylight.”

“Can’t have that!” Higgs answered in a sweet, fluttery voice. “Can we, Mr. Bridges?”

“Not Mr. Bridges anymore.”

“Right! Mr. Vagabond!” Higgs put his backpack down and handed Sam the Magpie bag. “Not that it matters much to me, Mr. Vagabond. You’ll _always_ be _my favorite gynecologist_.”

“Think it’s about time I start my mute routine.” Sam’s chased the memory away, face heating up under his helmet.

“ _I think_ we should go _play doctor_ in _the nearest private room_ again, don’t you~?” Higgs purred in his usual voice.

Years ago now, Higgs had returned to Lake Knot wearing the same disguise as before and tricked Sam into… What is he doing? Sam had a package to deliver.

“No. Deadman won’t be there to bail us out this time and stop the security cameras.”

“Did he now~? Mr. Deadman is mighty helpful! Don’t you think?” Higgs switched back to sounding the ditsy and cute. “Well! My mute friend! Let’s get going!”

Sam nodded, he took a deep breath and opened the door. Sam stepped outside of their van into the crisp air of that clear winter afternoon with the paper garment bag in one hand and Higgs’ leash in the other. With another deep breath he tugged the leash forward, Sam’s heartbeat pounded in his ears as he watched Higgs crawl over the front seats. His boyfriend, Sam had always had a soft spot for calling Higgs that long enough he used to hate himself for it, sat up on the front seat and looked around. Higgs’ long, gloved fingers traced over the door frame and Sam yanked the leash harder. Sam knew what Higgs was doing and he’d have plenty of time to think about Higgs fingering him later. Right now they had to get going and finish this delivery.

Right now…  
Right now, they’re seriously fuckin’ doing this.

The reflection of two porters walking by shone in the dark glass of Higgs’ visor and Sam felt a shiver up his spine. Higgs leaned out of the van and pressed his palms down on the pavement. He crawled out of the vehicle on his hands and knees over to Sam, stopping one of the poor porters dead in his tracks. Sam stared back at the porter and swallowed a scream as he felt Higgs lovingly rub his head against his leg.

That porter, he had a camera hanging from a strap around his shoulders.  
And he was reaching for it.

“Get over here!” The second porter they’d seen had a burly voice. “You know they’re not above eating without us back at camp!”

“No way! I’m starving!” The skinnier porter twirled on his foot and ran over to their truck while his partner honked the horn. Sam grabbed the leash and yanked it up over his head until Higgs was forced to stand up. Higgs’ muffled laughter made Sam’s face burn up under his fake oxygen helmet faster than daylight ever could.

“Is something wrong, sweetheart?” Higgs cheerfully asked while he dusted off his knees. “Did somebody spot me messing around?”

Sam nodded, the porter was long gone, Sam faintly heard him chatting up his partner and saw them get inside their black Bridges truck, but Sam still felt like they were being stared at. They probably were.

“Oh! I was just playing around!” Higgs called out, no way he didn’t realize he had just made it worse. “How embarrassing~!”

_Yeah, for me_. Sam fixed Higgs’ leash and closed the driver side’s door.

“Did you _notice_ he _had a camera_ ~?” Higgs whispered.

Sam locked the van without a word.

_How in the hell did I think I’d be able to do this?_ Sam tried to keep his thoughts in order and his eyes glued to the ground while he walked to the city’s distribution center but he was already sweating like crazy. He heard people walk by and felt their eyes linger on him and Higgs, who happily greeted and wished good day to every passerby until Sam yanked the leash forward. Every little fake gasp and mischievous husky chuckle out of Higgs in response to Sam’s jutting him forward on his leash went straight to Sam’s cock. Making him feel more smothered inside the tight underclothes he agreed to wear for his boyfriend by the second.

_Fuck. I’m getting hard.  
_ _What the hell did I think would happen?_ No shit he’s getting hard.

Every inch of silk and cotton stuck to Sam’s skin like glue, while each frill and lacy ribbon tickled against his wet sweaty skin to the point Sam started to wonder if he had his jumpsuit on at all. He knew it sure as hell felt like he was out there in broad daylight wearing nothing but kinky underwear and a tiny apron while he tugged Higgs around on a leash. Sam’s brain wouldn’t even process Higgs’ clothes besides the leash, suddenly sure as all hell that Higgs was walking behind him stark naked except for his collar while he tried to make small talk with every stranger that passed by. Higgs wasn’t doing it to be polite, Sam knew him well enough by now. No, Higgs wanted to make sure every single one of them noticed he was on a leash. Wanted Sam to keep pulling that leash harder and harder. If anything, Higgs probably stripped down minutes before while Sam has been distracted and now actually was- _stop_.

Sam turned around, he couldn’t tell if he was relieved or disappointed to see Higgs still covered head to toe in his disguise.

Both.  
Definitely both.

“What’s wrong, honey bunny?” Higgs asked and opened his arms to offer Sam a hug. Sam shoved the Magpie bag into Higgs’ arms and tugged him through the scanner and inside of the distribution center.

The terminal was thankfully empty. Sam figured they lucked out and arrived during the employee’s lunch hour, which meant most porters were on their own lunch breaks as well. Higgs put the bag down on the conveyor belt and Sam checked to make sure the plush toy and letter were still inside safe and sound. Sam patted Higgs on the head and opened up the terminal to punch in the delivery.

Should he check for any orders they could do along the way?

Sam had almost exclusively been delivering from Wildpferdeherde to the Timefall Farm or Mountain Knot, with the few odd city or single distribution center here and there. Wildpferdeherde wasn’t even in the system and Sam felt guilty that he never did any actual deliveries to individual preppers like he used to. As with everything that made Sam feel guilty, he knew it shouldn’t, and to be completely honest? It was more that Sam wanted to take Higgs for another walk on his leash. He had been thinking it over and it wouldn’t of been the brightest idea to show up like that to the Timefall Farm.

Maybe he could find something to pick up for The Engineer? He had always been nice to Sam and would even allow him to rest in his shelter. While Sam would of liked to, he knew he wouldn’t be able to climb up to deliver anything for The Elder with Higgs on leash behind him. The Craftsman might have-

Higgs.

The leash felt a hell of a lot lighter. Sam tugged it and heard the metal clip scrape against the floor. Knew he should of put a bell on that collar.

Higgs was gone.

* * *

  
The No Entry sign Sam had put up was still there along with a new one he guessed Deadman, Peter, or Fragile must of left on their way out.

It didn’t exactly take a genius to figure out where Higgs ran off to. Sam drove the van off the road and across the river where the connection still dropped, he figured nobody has bothered to come over here since their friends had, and spotted Higgs the second the ruined shelter came into view along with both No Entry signs flickering in front of it. Higgs was curled up on the roof like Convoy curled up on his cat tower, his disguise tossed about the open bulkhead and around the loading bay.

“What the hell are you doing?” Sam called out, he parked the van in front of Higgs’ old broken down shelter and got out.

“Meow~!” Higgs stuck his tongue out and playfully rolled over on his side. Well, at least Higgs still had pants on.

“Come down.” Sam shook his head and began to pick up the mess Higgs had made. He checked above them and took his own helmet off. Sam tossed it inside of the van along with the pieces of Higgs’ discarded disguise.

“Mrrrow~?”

Did Higgs think this would be sexy or something?  
Or was he just that bored already?

“Higgs. I get it.” Sam sighed and fixed his ponytail. “You’re taking this way too seriously.”

Does Sam have to play along? Seriously? No matter what Sam said or did Higgs would just meow or making hissing sounds. Sam knew Higgs wouldn’t be cutting it out anytime soon. Not when there was zero chance of anybody catching ether of them making asses of themselves out here. Sam opened up the side door of their van and started fishing around their supplies for a bottle of water.

“Get my backpack!” Higgs shouted from atop the roof.

Sam poked his head out of the back of the van and looked at him.

“I mean _meow._ ” Higgs grinned and batted the long sleeves of his sweater at Sam.

“Meow.” Sam said to himself, he crawled over the front seats and grabbed Higgs’ backpack from the passenger side. Sam got out of their van and tossed Higgs’ backpack to him with one hand while holding up the water bottle. “Thirsty?”

Higgs caught his backpack and threw something out of it down to Sam’s feet. Sam picked it up to look it over, a pet bowl made of black plastic like the one Convoy had at home. Only instead of ‘Convoy’ it had ‘Higgs’ written on it in the same glittery gold. Penny, Sam assumed, had even drawn a golden skull next to his name.

Is…  
Is Higgs for real right now?

“Here, kitty.” Sam couldn’t see himself getting into this anytime soon, making Higgs drink out of a bowl like an animal was way too far. He knelt down and poured the water into the bowl and looked up at Higgs.

Did Higgs think that Sam thought of him as a pet?  
Sam really doesn’t want that.

How did Higgs even know to have the bowl made?  
Peter did say Higgs’ outfit had to be cat based.

Sam figured that Higgs’ original plan was to have him drink out of, and that Higgs’ name was on it because he belongs to Higgs. Something like that, or maybe-

“ _Sam_ , I _know_ that face.” Higgs floated off the roof next to Sam, he leaned down to lick across Sam’s cheek. “ _Somebody’s_ overthinking it. I’ll have you know Sam, that’s _my job_ , asshole~!”

“Sorry.” Sam stood up and kissed Higgs on the cheek. “Should of just told me you wanted to come over here.”

“This was a helluva lot more fun~” Higgs licked Sam’s cheek again and handed him his backpack. He got on all fours in front of the pet bowl. He darted his out and slowly started to lick at the water before lapping it up.

“You’re a real weirdo. Higgs. Y’know that?” Sam sat down in front of Higgs and stroked down his hooded head the same way he would pet Convoy after he fed him. He took the one of the false cat ears between his fingers and rubbed it. “Good kitty, I’m proud of you.”

“For what?” Higgs sat up and put the bowl to his lips, quickly drinking down the rest while Sam clipped his leash back on. “Check the front pocket, Sam.”

“For not only getting your first order, Higgs. But actually doing it too.” Sam smiled and pulled Higgs’ backpack into his lap. Inside the big front pocket was black case around the same size made of soft but firm black fabric. “Bet you’re hungry too, kitty.”

“Sam, I’m _always_ hungry.” Higgs smiled watching Sam’s face turn red as he unzipped the case and saw what was inside. “And you~?”

“I… Could eat.” Sam muttered. Higgs had gotten himself a brand new camera, a real professional looking one too that even came with a set of special lenses next to it in its case.

“Sam.” Higgs purred. “ _You’re a real weirdo._ ”

* * *

Finally  
_Finally.  
_Fucking _finally._

Where should Higgs even begin?

Without a doubt, the look on Sam’s face was _the absolute best part._ Sam tried _his very best_ to keep his lips shut in a tight frown but every so often his mouth wiggled around _like a worm under Higgs’ boot._ The tips of Sam’s ears and his round cheeks were dyed the same rosy shade of red. Those pretty, narrow blue eyes that always looked _so tired_ darted around the room under furrowed eyebrows that would twitch once in a while in similar fashion to Sam’s mouth, only not as often. The moody light of the electric lanterns they put up to illuminate the inside of Higgs’ old ruined shelter _really brought_ out the heavy bags under Sam’s eyes, those dark permanent rings that never went away no matter how much Sam slept. Higgs wanted to pepper Sam’s face with kisses until _his lips went numb_. He wanted to lick under Sam’s eyes until he didn’t have _a drop of saliva left_.

With a small sound, Higgs finished screwing on the low-light lens of his camera and began to focus it on Sam’s face. _Something_ _about_ using this _type_ of camera, the feeling of having to manually twist and turn each of the lens’ rings around with his bare fingers until he got the perfect shot of Sam, _it did everything_ for Higgs. He found himself wanting to lick the aperture ring as badly as he wanted to lick the bags under Sam’s eyes. The tight, twitchy mechanical chirps Higgs’ new camera made from _even with slightest_ adjustments reminded Higgs of when Sam couldn’t handle having his bare skin _so much as_ brushed against without the old porter _whimpering and bruising_ under Higgs’ fingers. Using this camera to photograph Sam felt _so_ _fucking_ _personal,_ it felt _erotic._ It was _so_ _fucking_ _much better_ than the simple zoom in, zoom out, and snap of the cameras Higgs used before _by fucking light-years._

The camera focused, a crystal clear shot of Sam’s face that ended at his broad shoulders and began halfway above his hairline, and Higgs hit the shutter.

“Don’t move, Sam.” Higgs instructed Sam. _SamSamSamSamSamSamSam._ He took _one, two, three, four,_ _lucky number five_ steps back and turned his camera. Higgs rubbed his fingertips against the ridges in the plastic and metal rings while he twisted the lens inwards, this time he would take a full body ( _F_ _ull. Body.)_ shot of Sam sitting on his old desk in his pretty Alice In Wonderland costume that made _a perverse mockery_ of one of things Higgs loved the most. He _hated it_ as much as _he loved it_ , similar to the man he was photographing, or so Higgs would like to believe. _That man._ What better way could there be to describe Sam’s figure than _full-body_ , now that Higgs thought about it?

Once again the camera focused, another perfect shot if Higgs said so himself, this time ending at Sam’s feet and beginning a few inches above his head. Higgs shamelessly rubbed his legs together and took the photo.

However, Higgs wasn’t done with this particular pose just yet. Far from it in fact.

To _the untrained eye_ Sam was _simply_ sitting the way he always sat with his legs open, arms apart and back leaning towards the wall, but _Higgs has studied Sam for fucking years_. Sam had his legs closed _an inch or so_ more than normal, his palms didn’t lay _completely_ flat against the desk, and his back was jutted forward _by just a bit_. Those were _the_ _telltale signs_ that under his usual _cool and distant demeanor_ that Sam _was nervous._ _I_ _n addition to the_ occasional twist of the ankle, tapping finger, and _of course_ Sam’s big chest rising and falling at a faster rate with his increased breathing. Higgs made sure to get multiple shots displaying _every_ inconsistency with Sam’s normal posture along with _documenting_ every _nervous tick._

“Can I...”

“ _Sam_ , not yet.” Higgs let his camera rest on it’s strap on his chest over the black leather leash that dragged on floor while he walked over to Sam.

“Higgs.” Sam gestured to the leash with his foot. “Don’t trip and break your head again, please.”

“I _won’t.”_ Higgs picked the leash up and spun it around in front of Sam’s face, grinning, before tying it around his wrist so it wouldn’t drag behind him. “Happy, Sam?”

“Yeah.” Sam shoot Higgs a smile before going back to frowning like Higgs had asked him to before for his photos.

_How can he even think of something like that during a time like this?_ Higgs wondered if perhaps Sam suffered from the same constant annoying barrage of unwanted thoughts that he did. _Perhaps._

“Well. My nose is kinda itchy.”

“ _Ha ha.”_

“I’m serious!” Sam laughed and twitched his nose.

Higgs rolled his eyes and scratched the tip of Sam’s nose for him. Sam made an _adorable_ sound in appreciation and went back to pouting for Higgs’ camera. He kissed Sam on the forehead while he undid his tight ponytail and Sam started to drum his fingers against the desk. Higgs fluffed Sam’s long hair, _fuck it smells good,_ Higgs gave in and pressed his nose against the top of Sam’s head and breathed in the scent of Sam’s sweaty hair. He kissed Sam’s forehead again and heard Sam start drumming his fingers faster on the desk.

“What’s wrong, Sam?” _SamSamSamSamSamSam_. It was _killing_ Higgs to not just start chanting the name out loud until his throat dried up.

“Wanna hug you.”

“Make it _quick.”_ Higgs kissed the top of Sam’s head while Sam wrapped his big, strong arms around him and squeezed Higgs tight. Sam patted Higgs’ back as Higgs lined a row of kisses across Sam’s forehead and pushed him away. Sam sighed and straightened his back while Higgs fixed the straps of his apron back in place around his triceps. “What _do we say_ , Sam~?”

“Thank you, Higgs.”

“Good boy~ You’re welcome, Sam.” Higgs scratched under Sam’s chin and leaned down to plant quick kisses over his beard before carefully moving Sam’s shaggy bangs to fall over his eyes per usual. He finished fluffing Sam’s hair, satisfied that it looked as it did naturally and got back into position. Higgs mimicked his first two photos to perfection, only now with Sam’s hair down instead of up. He played with the idea of trying to take variants of the other shots that had Sam’s hair in them, but passed on the idea. That would take quite a lot of time, and while Higgs couldn’t see Sam’s face as well as he could before he noticed that the red on Sam’s ears had deepened.

“You _love_ being _a toy_ for me, don’t you Sam~?” Higgs snaked a hand between his own legs and rubbed himself over the _comically tight_ and tacky _fucking aerobics pants_ Sam had him wear. It didn’t feel _half bad_. Gave Higgs _a good idea._ “Got myself my very own little baby doll, _all on my own_ without _your mama’s help_. An’ this time, it’s one that I get to dress up and take _pretty pictures_ of~!”  
  
“Higgs. You want me to _not_ get a fuckin’ boner you need to cut that out.” Sam _whined_ and Higgs couldn’t help but laugh out loud. Sam had been _so distracted_ by Higgs touching himself in front of him he _completely missed_ what Higgs had said to him.  
  
“He _talks_ too! What _more_ could a boy want?” Higgs messed Sam’s hair.

“Wait hold on. Think I missed something.” Sam scratched behind his cropped ear, _and he feels bad about it._ “Hard to pay attention when I gotta. Focus on other stuff, I’m sorry.”

“Way I figure it, you’ve just gone and agreed that _you’re my toy, Sammy boy!_ Like it or not~!” Higgs stroked down the sides of Sam’s face.

“Huh.” _Huh._ “I like it.” _He really is such a good boy._

“Hold your breath for me, Sam.” Higgs knows _exactly_ the _kind of toy_ he wants to be for Sam.

Sam nodded and inhaled, his big chest stopped rising. Higgs got on his knees and inched his camera downwards to get a better shot.

It must have been nothing short of a miracle that Sam never woke up when Higgs was measuring him. The smooth blue silk covered a quarter of Sam’s pecs each, and the bra ended an inch above where it would normally to leave a small sliver of exposed skin between it and the white cotton _pinafore_ . Sam had done such _a horrible job_ of tying his lingerie that Higgs had to retie both pieces. It was all for the better, Higgs tied Sam’s panties and bra into tight, pretty bows that squeezed tight against Sam’s skin and muscles. While not as noticeable over his chest as it was on Sam’s ass, it _was still there_. Higgs took a barrage of photos, his favorite being the one taken directly below Sam. He was _getting sloppy_ now, but he couldn’t help it. Higgs _was turned on enough_ his hands had _started to shake._

“Higgs...” Sam exhaled while Higgs ran his fingers over Sam’s nipples. “This is...”

“Sam, _allow me_ ~!” Higgs cleared his throat and readied his best Sam impression. “Dude. My eyes are up here.”

“ _Howdy_ there buddy boy, _the_ _name’s_ _Higgs~!_ ” Sam’s Higgs’ impression had gotten _better_ , and that was _all Higgs would say about._ “An’ my hobbies include eatin’ _two bags_ of potato chips ‘n a single day _,_ not wearin’ _any_ underwear, an’ _idolizin’_ the fuckin’ Unabomber.”  
  
“Sam, a man _like you_ could _never_ understand the _connection_ between me an’ Kaczynski.”  
  
“Fuckin’ don’t wanna understand.”  
  
“Do you _wanna_ see something real important I found under my desk instead~?” Higgs brushed Sam’s hair out of his eyes with his thumbs. “Sam, don’t you want to know what it is?”

“Guess so.” Sam answered and smiled, his eyes staring right into Higgs. “Rather kiss you.”

“Then do it, _dude._ ” Higgs chuckled and pulled the chiralium eyeliner pencil out of his waistband while Sam kissed him. He had finally found it again waiting for him under his desk while Sam brought in the lanterns and their porter uniforms. Sam took both sides of Higgs’ hood and pulled him deeper into the short kiss. He ran his tongue over Higgs’ lips but, to Higgs’ surprise, never parted them. Higgs twirled the pencil between his fingers while he waited for Sam to break the kiss.

“What did you find, baby?”

“This!” Higgs held the chiralium pencil up to Sam’s face and waved it under his nose. He let it fall to the ground and grabbed his camera and started to quickly snap a barrage of photos. The more Higgs took, the higher the odds were one came out _good_ and time was of the essence here.

“What the hell?!” Sam’s eyes watered up and he twitched. He pushed Higgs away who was still frantically hitting the shutter as the tears fell down Sam’s cheeks. “Don’t fuckin’ do that again!”  
  
“But _Sam~!_ It’s just _so pretty~!”_

“Piece of shit.” Sam sniffled and wiped his face with his arm.  
  
“Sam! Stand up!”

“Leg started fallin’ asleep anyway.” Sam grumbled and stood up, rigid with his hands by his his sides. Looked pretty damn funny considering how Sam was dressed but that ain’t the kind of photo Higgs wanted to take at the moment. Higgs walked over to _the army_ of pillows and blankets ( _Sam absolutely over-packed_ ) Sam had him bring in from the van. Higgs picked out the fly agaric pillow Peter had made for him and handed it to Sam.

“Hug it~!”

“Like this?” Sam hugged the pillow to his chest. _Cute,_ Higgs snapped a quick photo.

“Nope.” Higgs stepped over to Sam’s side and patted his shoulder. He ran his hand down Sam’s back and groped him, an inch of silk sliding along Higgs’ finger inside of Sam while Higgs’ palm gingerly rubbed Sam’s ass.

“Don’t…!” Sam trembled, he squeezed the mushroom pillow tighter and hid his face in it.

“ _Exactly_ like that~! Sam!” Higgs smiled and patted Sam’s butt. “Perfect.”

“… Mm.” Sam’s breathing steadied, he is _such a very, very, good boy._ Higgs circled around him like a shark, taking quick close ups when he saw fitting looking Sam over. The way Sam had started to shiver after he heard the sound of the camera’s shutter was _exquisite_. Higgs stopped behind Sam and adjusted his panties before patting him on the ass again. “Higgs. Can we… Take a break…”

Picking between white or black for Sam’s garter belt might have been one of the hardest choices Higgs ever had make, if not the most important. Both the black _and_ the white stripes of Sam’s snug thigh-highs brought out the hand print stains on Sam’s otherwise tan skin. Had Higgs decided against the pinafore, he would of went with a black garter belt to match the black lace ribbons and tiny black bows. The pinafore was an important _piece of the puzzle_ however, and the way the white garter belt looked under the matching white apron strings tied up into a big bow along with the white stripes on Sam’s little panties was _adorable._

Funny enough, _Sam_ had put his garter belt on _before_ the panties without Higgs telling him to.

“Higgs? Are you listening to me?”

“No. _You’re_ distracting me.” Higgs smirked and traced his finger up Sam’s spine.

“Hurry up.” Sam grunted. “Please.”

“You can’t rush _art_ , Sammy boy!” Higgs turned his camera and lowered himself. He was _in fact_ making _art_ here so Higgs wouldn’t be taking a _simple_ zoomed in photo of Sam’s ass, no matter how _wonderful_ seeing Sam in striped side tie panties was. No, as _an_ artist, Higgs was _above_ taking _that kind_ of picture. Sam's lower back and legs looked _just as wonderful_ with the way the thigh-highs clung to the big muscles of Sam’s strong legs and the white leather and heart shaped metal rings of his garter belt dug into the skin there. Higgs made sure to get the apron’s extravagantly tied bow in the shot, he didn’t spend so much time tying it for it to _not be,_ and hit the shutter.

“Having fun?”  
  
“Of course.” Higgs patted over Sam’s firm hips and stood up. “Sam~! Turn around and _lift_ that _little apron up_ for the camera!”

“Ain’t it a pinafore?” Sam placed the mushroom pillow down on the desk and turned to face Higgs.

“Pinafore is _a type_ of apron, Sam. Back up a bit for me.”

“Haven’t we talked about this before?” Sam obliged and took a couple of steps backwards, he lifted the apron’s skirt up to his hipbones with one hand.

“ _We have,_ Sam.” Higgs smiled. “ _Higher_.”

“You just like being a smart ass.” Sam grabbed the apron with both hands and lifted it up higher and exposed the cross shaped scar on his stomach.

“I do~!” Higgs smile turned into a grin while he snapped his camera, he took a few steps backwards himself so he could get a full body shot. “That’s perfect.”

“Almost done?”

“ _Almost done_ , Sam.” Higgs bridged the gap between them and patted Sam on the cheek. “Might wanna look away.”

“From what?” Sam asked, his head instantly turned to face the wall when he saw Higgs getting on his knees in front of him and reaching for his groin. “Holy shit _._ ”

“Told you so~!” Higgs happily teased while he adjusted the ties on Sam’s panties. “Sam, do you _think_ I can’t _tell_ how _badly you want me_ to s-”

“Can we talk about it later?!”

“You’ve come so far! Sam!” Higgs laughed and patted one of Sam’s toned thighs. He scooted backwards and held his camera up to his face. “Don’t fail me now!”

“… Just hurry up.” Sam grumbled.

Now _here_ was _a kind_ of photo Higgs would _never be above_ taking. Higgs traced his finger around the rim of the lens and started to focused his camera. What had Sam said the other day? That these are _too small_? The azure silk panties with cute vertical white stripes were _in fact_ not _too small_ , but _almost_ too small. The thin layer of silk clung tightly around Sam’s _hefty_ cock and just barely covered his _heavy looking_ balls, but they _still covered_ everything. Higgs made sure to get Sam’s _unmistakable_ stomach scar in his first photo and zoomed the camera in closer on Sam’s bulge, careful to not _actually hit Sam_ with the lens.

“Higgs.” Sam breathed over the sound of Higgs’ camera. “I meant it. Hurry up.”

“You’re doing _well_ , Sam.” Higgs said while he pulled Sam’s flaccid cock out of the panties. “Close your eyes and remember _The Wind Farm~”_

“Fuck that guy!” Sam started, _he didn’t even notice._ “For how nice he acted, and I swear, nothing was ever good enough. One time he fuckin’-”

“Sam.” Higgs hit the shutter and stood up. “I said to _remember The Wind Farm_ , not _tell me_ about it.”  
  
“No Higgs. Listen to this. So this one ti- Hey!” Sam _finally noticed_ and tucked himself away. “We done?”

“What do you think, Sam~?” Higgs snickered, he picked his chiralium pencil off the ground and tucked it back into his waistband.

“Not yet, huh.” Sam leaned over Higgs’ old desk and rested his face in the mushroom pillow. “Ain’t you allergic too?” Sam muttered into the pillow and lifted his ass upwards.

_Seriously!_

“You are such a good fucking boy, Sam!” Higgs beamed. His fingered pounded down so fast on the shutter he thought he might break it.

“Thanks...” Sam hid his face in the pillow and stared at the wall.

“Sam~” Higgs traced his finger all the way down Sam’s spine and uncurled his leash from around his wrist. “Put your arms behind your back for me.”

“Why?” Sam asked, he crossed his arms behind his back anyway. Higgs unclipped his leash from his collar and used it to tie Sam’s arms in place. “Higgs?”

“Take _a look_ at _you._ ” Higgs took off his collar and placed it around Sam’s neck. “How the mighty have fallen, _Sam Porter Bridges.”_

“What are you-- Hey!” Sam yelped, Higgs had drawn a line under his eye with the chiralium pencil and _pretty_ allergic tears started falling down his cheeks again. “Asshole! What did I say?!”

“What _did_ you say, Sam?” Higgs grabbed a handful of Sam’s hair and yanked him up by the back of the head. “What _can you_ say~?”

“Baby, pull my hair harder.” _Sweet_ _fucking_ _Jesus_ _Sam._

“I-I-I’ve...” Higgs steadied himself _._ “I’ve _got you now,_ Sammy boy.” Higgs licked the chiralium off Sam’s face and squeezed Sam’s _budding erection_ through the apron, _dear fucking lord Sam is so distracting_. “Got you right in my clutches, _Sam Porter Bridges,_ _a_ ll _prettied up_ an’ _at my mercy._ ”

“Fuckin’ thank you!” Sam gasped, his fully hard cock sprung out his panties and strained against the cotton under Higgs’ hand. “You’re such a fuckin’ tease Higgs. Don’t think I could of taken a second more.”

“Play a-fucking-long, you absolute moron.” Higgs hissed and tugged on Sam’s hair and squeezed the base of Sam’s cock through the apron.

“Higgs. Think we played around enough.” Sam _cheerfully_ rutted against Higgs’ hand. “Baby. Get these clothes off of me and finger me. Please.”

“Look like _mighty_ ain’t the right word!” Higgs let go of Sam and Sam stumbled to not crash into the desk. “The Legendary Deliverer _is nothing_ but _a dirty pervert_ ~!”

“Uh. Where is… The bomb?”

“ _Where is the bomb.”_ Higgs crossed his arms and twirled his pencil around his fingers in annoyance.

“You’re the bomb guy.” Sam shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t fuckin’ know. Can’t we just fuck?”

“… Say please.”

“Please Higgs.” Sam _chuckled,_ not a proper _‘Please, Higgs.’_ at _fucking all._

“Fine!” Higgs groaned, he tossed his chiralium eyeliner pencil in the air and caught it. He reckoned it was about time to put it away for safe keeping, he didn’t want to lose it again. “Spoilsport.” Higgs bent over and pulled his backpack out from under his old desk

“Good butt.” _Elegant as always, Sam._

“Something on your mind, Sammy boy?” Higgs tossed his pencil inside of his backpack and kicked it back under the desk.

“Fuck yeah.” Sam smiled. “Higgs! Untie me and I’ll let you- Ow!” Higgs grabbed Sam by the shoulder and slammed him into the desk on his side. “The fuck is wrong with you!?”

“What you gonna do about it, Sam? _Punch_ me?” Higgs laughed and slid the mushroom pillow so it was under Sam’s head when he rolled Sam over onto his back. He took his camera off and placed it down on his old desk.

“Higgs?” Sam sat up on his bond elbows, _I_ _just put that pillow there so you’d be_ _comfortable!_ “I think I get it.

“ _What_ do you _think you get_ , Sam?” Higgs needed to blow off some steam. He eyed Sam’s chest and grabbed it with both hands.

“Do you… Mmn...” Sam’s nipples stuck up under the thin silk bra between his boyfriend's groping fingers. “You don’t miss it. Do you?”

“ _Miss what_ Sam, be specific.” Higgs let go of Sam’s pecs.  
  
“Baby.” Sam’s voice went quiet when he asked. “Do you wanna go back to how things used to be?”

_Does Higgs want to go back?_

Higgs wanted his powers back, that’s for sure.  
He wanted the convenience and _worth_ that came with having them.  
Without a doubt he’d be more useful to Sam with ‘em than without ‘em.

Higgs wanted Sam to have aphenphosmphobia again.  
He won’t act like there is any deeper meaning or reason for wanting it: Higgs thought it was hot and that’s it.  
So he doesn’t _need_ Sam to have his phobia again.

“No.” Higgs answered, he hiked up Sam’s apron and crawled on top of Sam to kiss him. “Do you?”

“Hell no.” Sam smiled into the kiss and let out a disappointed grunt at how fast Higgs pulled away. “Higgs. Do I got bad breath or something?”

“Your breath is _fine_.” Higgs turned around and sat on Sam’s stomach with his back to him. His original idea had him facing Sam, but Higgs figured with how good of boy Sam had been Higgs would grant him _the privileg_ _e_ to keep _ogling his ass_. _Dirty old man._ “Sam, I reckoned if you like _star_ _in’_ _at_ my backside so much, I’d let you.”

Sam didn’t object. _Of course he didn’t._

“What I was _tryin’_ to do, Sam, was keep things exciting.” Higgs sighed, grateful Sam couldn’t see him blushing. He tugged the tight bows he had tied the sides of Sam’s panties in loose. “Last thing I need is to have you end up goin’ an’ gettin’ bored of me.”

“Bored of you? Higgs. I don’t think it’s even fuckin’ possible to be bored around you.” The _warmth_ in Sam’s voice made Higgs’ heart race. “For better or for worse. Yeah. But I’d never get bored of you.”

“Spare me.” Higgs’ traced the underside of Sam’s cock and yanked the panties off to wrap them around Sam’s erection. “ _Corny bastard.”_

“Ah!” Sam gasped. “Baby, untie me.”

“Do you want to touch me, Sam?”

“Real fuckin’ bad.”

“That’s _really_ too _fuckin’ bad_ , then!” Higgs got on his knees and backed his ass against Sam’s face. “You can’t.”

“… Dude. Awesome.” _Sam really Is a dirty old man!_

_It’s not like I’m any better…  
_… _In fact I’m way, way worse._  
  
“Sam.” Higgs sat down on Sam’s face and leaned over to grab Sam’s cock. “Eat your dinner.”

Jacking Sam off with his own underwear was something Higgs had wanted to do _since forever_. Sam’s big cock had started to drip precum while he kissed Higgs’ cunt through the stretchy, skin tight fabric. He ran his tongue between Higgs’ ass and back down again and started to lap his tongue at the spandex over Higgs’ groin. Higgs rubbed himself against Sam’s face while his body heated up to match his face and he pumped Sam’s cock up and down.

“Sam, _you are_ a pervert~ I hope you _realize_ that.” Higgs cooed and rolled his palm over Sam’s erection. He ran the panties up Sam’s cock, wiping off the precum before he licked his lips and traced around the head of Sam’s _fat_ _fucking_ _cock_ with the silk. Higgs wanted Sam inside of him, and it _might just kill him_ _with how bad Higgs wants it_ _, but not tonight._ “Look _how dirty_ you’re gettin’ these, Sammy boy, don’t you know you’re gonna have to _put these back on_ in the morning~?”

Sam moaned _against_ Higgs, and Higgs _felt_ every muffled word Sam tried to get out of his word. He struggled against the leather and tried to pull his arms free while he darted his tongue against the wet spandex and Sam attempted to _tongue fuck_ Higgs through it. Higgs quivered against Sam’s mouth and paused his ministrations for a moment, while he wanted to delay Sam’s for as long as possible he had no plans to hold back his own orgasms.

“M-Mind repeatin’ yourself, Sam?” Higgs inched forward, reckoned Sam needed to come up for some air. “Couldn’t quite make that out~”

“Higgs, you fuckin’ prick.” Sam panted. “I can smell how fuckin’ wet you are. Let me...”

“ _Tsk~! Tsk~!”_ Higgs tightly squeezed one of Sam’s balls with his freehand. _Not too tight, mind you_ , but _tight enough_. Higgs wasn’t _that much_ of a monster.

“Stop!” Sam panicked. “Baby! That don’t feel good! Cut it out!”

Higgs let go and laughed out loud.

“Not fuckin’ funny!”

“Want me to kiss it better~?” Higgs _carefully_ rubbed his left palm over the abused organ before cupping both of Sam’s balls and starting to stroke Sam’s cock again in his right hand.

“Yes.” Sam huffed.”

“You _finally_ admit it, Sam.”

“Uh. Only if you...”

_Does he want me to suck him off or fucking not?_ The thought made anxiety start to bubble up in Higgs’ stomach.

“If I _what_ , Sam? How about _this._ ” Higgs rubbed his crotch against Sam’s mouth and nose and pressed himself back down on Sam’s face with all his weight. “Shut the fuck up _and take a fucking break_ for _once_ in your fucking life!”

“Mmn!?”

“Smartest thing you’ve said all night, Sammy boy.”

_Eventually_ , Sam stopped struggling and let his arms relax against the leash and s tarted _finally enjoying his fucking handjob._ Sam had settled for occasionally kissing or licking Higgs through his _tacky_ yoga pants and making even more of a sticky mess inside of them while Higgs pressed himself against Sam’s face . Higgs had begun to count to himself _one, two_ and tried his best to keep a rhythm going. Regardless, Higgs didn’t try and move his own hips to it, he rubbed himself against Sam’s face whenever he felt so inclined or about to cum.

“There, _baby_.” Higgs teased. “Don’t it feel good havin’ somebody else take care of everything, Sam~?”

Sam hummed against Higgs, _I’ll take that as a yes._

Higgs playfully flicked Sam’s balls with his fingers and laughed at the way Sam’s body bolted up in discomfort. He brought his left hand to his mouth and licked his hand. Higgs’ right hand kept busy moving Sam’s panties, now _soaked_ in Sam’s precum and both of their sweat, around Sam’s throbbing cock in long, drawn out strokes. Higgs _couldn’t wait_ to make Sam wear them again after this, he hoped Sam didn’t expect Higgs to suck his panties clean for him.

_What should I suck clean for him instead_? Higgs gulped, why was he so nervous about this? He _knew_ he could do it but… If he _does_ what were the chances he’d end up getting trapped in his head and start _throwing up_ all over Sam? _Tell you what,_ that would be the end of everything right there and then if he fucking did. For now Higgs _sucked_ on his fingers, _real wet and loud like_ so Sam would hear. Sam heard it, alright, like a trained dog doing a trick after hearing a whistle, the sound of Higgs sucking on his fingers made Sam spread his thick legs apart _nice and_ wide.

“Higgs…” Sam _finally_ laid back on his back and rested his head on the mushroom pillow. He started to gasp as he felt a long skinny index finger start to push inside of him. “Higgs… Please. Higgs. Please. Close. ‘m close.” _Now there was a proper Please, Higgs!_

“One.. Two… One… Two...” Higgs mouthed to himself, rhythm mattered more than ever here while he thrust his finger against Sam’s prostate in time with his strokes.

“M… Mm.. More?” Sam whimpered, it’s a question, not a command. Higgs inched his middle finger inside the tight pink muscle and thrust it alongside his index finger. “Th…! Thank...”

“You are _such_ a dork.” Higgs breathed against Sam’s cock. “Don’t fucking thank me until I _tell you_ to.”

“I wanna. Know you like it.” Sam wiggled under Higgs, Higgs badly wanted to slam his ass back down on Sam’s face. Wanted to rip his clothes off and _impale_ himself on Sam’s cock, _there wouldn’t be another word for it._ ”Want to tell you when you do… A good job, always do. I’m… Proud of you Higgs. No matter what it is… Even this stuff, I’m proud of you. Can’t help it.”

_Is he going to fucking make me start bawling like a baby while I’m over here trying to fuck him?_

_For fucking real?_

Sam was _just the worst._

“ _Thank me_ , then.” Higgs flexed his fingers. “Sam.”

“Thank-!” Sam cried. “Thank you!”

“I love you, Sam.” _That’s right, it’s Sam. Not him._ Higgs licked over Sam’s the head of Sam’s cock and pressed his fingers against Sam’s prostate, he wanted to hear him moan again.

“Ahhh…! Higgs!” Sam moaned right on cue. “I love you too, baby. Wanna tell you over and over. Higgs. I love you...”

_Please do, Sam._ Higgs opened his mouth wide and lowered it over the wet head of Sam’s cock.

“Baby, you don’t gotta.” Sam probably thought Higgs had never done this before.

Higgs… Had unfortunately done it before. It doesn’t matter, he’d deep throat Sam and replace those awful old memories with a good one. _It doesn’t matter._

“Baby…?”

Sam’s got a big, uncut cock that always smells as good as it looked.  
Daddy was cut, _way_ smaller, had a nasty thing that smelled like fucking shit and made Higgs want to _puke_ every time he saw it.

_Above all,_ Higgs _actually wanted_ this, he _wanted_ to suck Sam’s cock.  
Wanted that big pretty thing in his mouth, in his throat.  
Wanted to make Sam feel good.

“Higgs? Hey, Higgs...”

There could have been another issue though, Sam’s dick wasn’t just big but _fucking wide_ too.

“Baby, I’m… I’m already so close. It’s-”

_Sam! Shut the fuck up!_ Higgs pulled his fingers out of Sam’s ass and rammed a third finger inside of Sam alongside the previous two and made the older man start to yelp. _Good! Sam! Can’t you see I’m trying to concentrate?!_ Higgs relaxed his jaw, gag reflexes don’t just up and come back… Do they? He took the first few inches of Sam’s cock into his mouth and rubbed what wasn’t in his mouth yet with Sam’s silk panties.

“Fuck… Fuck… Higgs, I wanna...”

_What do you want?_ Higgs started to suck, he lowered his head and took began to take Sam into his throat while he moved his fingers faster inside of Sam. The way his jaw _already_ felt sore made Higgs’ body tingle all over.

“Fuck your mouth…” Sam cried out in a raspy voice. “I want to fuck your mouth!”

Higgs’ nostrils flared and he pressed a finger down hard on Sam’s prostate while his other two fingers stretched Sam open.

“W- Wait!” Sam whined and cried out again.

Sam’s hips buckled upwards and he accidentally gagged Higgs, his big cock hitting the back of Higgs’ throat. Higgs’ eyes rolled back in his head as he swallowed, Sam came hot and thick against his throat and there _was so fucking much_. It remind him of the first time he ever made Sam cum. Higgs felt Sam’s cum leaking out of the corners of his mouth and quickly pulled his mouth away only to see Sam’s dick suddenly _twitch_ again right in front of him. Higgs grabbed Sam with both hands and watched as two more thick ropes of cum flew out from it.

“Holy _fucking hell_ , Sam.”

“We… In so long...” Sam breathed, his cock went limp in Higgs’ hand.

“And _whose_ idea _was that?_ ” Higgs wiped his hands clean with Sam’s panties and put them down next to Sam.

“Mine.” _Sam… Did masturbate while he was in the shower, didn’t he_?

“Sam, are you _sure_ you’re fifty-three?”  
  
“Birthday is… November ninth...”

“Wish I knew mine.” Higgs got up and grabbed his camera, he stared down at Sam who stared right back. Sam’s hair was a mess, his pretty lingerie tossed about and soaked in sweat, his face was wet with seat as well and red, and Sam’s big body still trembled with over simulation. ”Sam, what do we say?”

“Thank… Thank you.” Sam waited for Higgs to finish taking photos before he spoke. His eyes fluttered shut when Higgs kissed him. He parted Higgs’ lips with his tongue this time and ran it over the roof of Higgs’ mouth before he tied their tongues together.

“Sit up.” Higgs’ heart _hurt_ when he heard the needy sound Sam made when he broke their kiss. Sam, still panting, did as he was told and Higgs untied Sam. Higgs ran his fingers over the red marks the leather leash left over Sam’s strong arms.

“Higgs…” Sam smiled. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Sam, but I believe this is mine.” Higgs took his collar off of Sam’s neck and placed it back around his own. He handed his camera to Sam.

“What do you want me to do with this?” Sam looked at Higgs’ camera in confusion, he sounded exhausted.

“Your turn.” Higgs tied his leash around one of Sam’s arms and patted his shoulder.

“… Okay?” Sam blinked, he held the camera up and fiddled with the lens. “Lower your hood.”

Higgs lowered his hood for Sam.

“Smile.”

Hard for Higgs to do anything _but smile_ while he looked at _the state_ Sam was in, warmed his heart up _something fierce._

“Say cheese.” _Dork!! Nerd!!!_

“Cheese~!”

Sam hit the shutter and put Higgs’ camera back down on the desk.

“That’s it?”

“Higgs.” Sam’s legs wobbled after he got off the desk. “I wanna go to sleep...”

“Well now.” Higgs helped Sam stand up straight and steady himself. “Sounds like I should go an’ make us a comfortable little ol’ _rats nest_.”

“I love rats, dude.” Sam began to fumble with his apron and garter belt. Higgs walked over to the _blanket and pillow_ army and started to go through each. “Don’t wipe your face on the blankets.”

“Course I won’t.” Higgs kept expecting to hear the camera go off whenever he bent over, Sam must of still been trying to get his garter belt off.

Sam _is such a…_ Wait.  
_Wait.  
__Why would I need to wipe my face?_

Higgs stood up, suddenly _very aware_ that he had a _glob_ of cum dripping down his face. That Sam’s semen had been still leaking out of his mouth… _Out of his fucking nose…_ And that it must have been _caked into parts of his beard._

“GIVE ME THAT FUCKING CAMERA! SAM!”

“No.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally 1 chapter but I split it into parts.  
> I realized that having 4 lewd scenes in one chapter would probably be kinda overwhelming.  
>   
> Next time: Special delivery continues


End file.
